


Beast of Burden

by DesertMoon



Series: Failure By Design [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Adversity, Angst, Domestic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving Home, Love, M/M, Smut, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 61,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertMoon/pseuds/DesertMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank's determined to move in with Gerard this fall, but life has a tendency of getting in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. $4.80 and a Kiss, Please

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nophunintended](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nophunintended/gifts), [heygraf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heygraf/gifts).



> 1^ For reading like the whole damn thing and still commenting. Fucking appreciated xo  
> 2^^ For your lovely enthusiastic comments all the way through making me smile :) xo  
> ***  
>  **DISCLAIMER** : This piece of writing does not contain any factual information. These characters are entirely fictional and I make no attempt to represent any real people. I ask that readers have respect for our community; please do not share this work where it won't be welcome. Should this work offend or upset, please contact me. I will happily and immediately discuss, or simply take it down.
> 
> ***  
>  It's not essential to have read the other two works in this series, but I obviously wouldn't discourage you :)  
>  ***  
>  There are too many of you to gift, but if you read &/Or commented on Fire At Will, know that this is for you.  
>  xo

Just one more month of this and then he was out. Well, not out for good, but out from his long sentence of house arrest. 

He took a deep breath as he pulled on his DIMITRI'S PIZZA tee, and begrudgingly removed his lip ring. Whenever he had to roll out of bed and haul ass to the greasy nightmare that was Dimitri’s Pizza, Frank would dig his nails into the palms of his hands and think of living with Gerard. When he was suffering through endless shifts with the asshole employees, he channeled the Buddhism Gerard had been chattering about that week, and offered service with the world's most forced smile. Nine hours of that per day and he could drive home and crash into bed for a few hours so he had enough energy to sneak out and see the asshole he was doing this for once his parents were safely asleep. 

Frank didn't know what he'd been thinking back in June when he walked up the side of the parkway behind his grandparents house. Gerard still scolded him every other day about the fact that he even considered getting into the car with a stranger. Frank didn’t tell his boyfriend that the car was more of a truck, and the stranger looked as if he could have fucked up an actual professional fighter, but Frank had fucking had it. He'd been on track to drive into the mountains in his Grandma's saloon and get the shit knocked out of him in the asscrack of nowhere. He would take gruesome murder at the hands of a trucker any day in exchange for whatever "camp" had in store for him. He reminded Gerard of this whenever he started on a lecture. Sometimes it shut him up. Sometimes it made the rant longer, but there was always a reproachful "I'm glad you're here" at the end. 

He could not expect such a sympathetic reaction from his mother. After Frank had left Gee on that last Friday of school, he switched on his phone to find a bottomless list of missed calls, and even the odd few from his grandmother; who was about as familiar with her phone as she was with Frank’s sexuality. He'd almost completely blocked out the walk up to his front door from his memory. He smeared sweat onto his jeans before ringing the bell and being welcomed into the seventh circle of hell when his mother opened the door. 

For the first month of his punishment, his phone and laptop were confiscated, and Pansy ended up in Mrs. Iero’s bedroom closet. By some incredible stroke of mercy, Frank was allowed out to go to work, and after a few weeks Mrs. Iero realised that it would be all too easy for Frank to simply disappear if she had no way to contact him. Under the guise of ‘a reward for good behaviour’, Frank was permitted to have his phone back. Not long after that, Pansy appeared in his room one morning. Despite these seeming acts of forgiveness, Frank knew that he would be back at that camp in an instant if his mom had the time to drive him just over 8 hours into the mountains to drop him off. So, like the trooper that he was, he accepted his punishment without audible complaint, and got the fuck on with it. Honestly though, without the knowledge that he'd be next to his boyfriend every night, warm and looking up at the skylight until they both drifted off, that summer would probably have killed him. 

***

Frank pulled into the parking lot behind Dimitri’s-on-main, grateful that it was empty. He ground his teeth, lingering in the driver’s seat with keys in hand. The whole pizza place was staffed by kids from St. Andrew’s Prep. Frank didn’t have anything against Prep school kids, he was sure there were some very nice, cool kids at St. Andrews, but he was yet to meet one. The kids he worked with here were rude. They didn’t like Frank’s haircut, and Frank didn’t like their attitude. His favourite thing at work was being put on deliveries. On those nights, his job consisted of sitting in a van, blasting Misfits, and occasionally having to actually deal with a customer, but even that wasn’t too bad. Who’s ever unhappy to see the pizza guy? If he timed it right, he’d barely have to interact with the rest of the assholes at all, but at 11am on a Thursday, there wasn't much call for deliveries. Frank was about to be stuck behind a greasy counter next to a greasy kid who was only working so Daddy let him go to the country club on the weekends. Fucker. He accepted his fate and got out of the car.

It was past 5 and he was two breaks in when he looked up to see Gerard’s smiling face through the glass doors. He grinned in return. The place was empty. Gerard opened the door, which dinged obnoxiously, and ambled over to Frank’s cashier.

“Hey, baby, guess what?” said Frank, rummaging in his pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper and grinned. “$2235 fucking dollars!” He waved the bank statement around. Gerard’s face broke into one of his crooked smiles, which still melted Frank’s heart. 

“I’m so proud of you.” he said. For a second it looked like he might reach over the counter, which was so jammed with cookies, tip jars and various other debris that might go flying if someone as clumsy as Gerard so much as looked at them, so Frank cut in to distract him. 

“How you feeling about moving out?” He knew the answer to that question, but he still snickered when Gerard forced a bright smile and nodded rapidly. It was so sweet that he tried so hard to be happy.

“Gee, you're allowed to be scared.” He turned to check on Gerard’s pizza. He hadn’t even needed to ask. Two slices Pepperoni, one slice cheese, no tomato. He shoved in a fresh batch as Gerard walked through the door. 

“I guess.” Gerard's soft voice floated from behind him over the roar of the oven fans “I mean, I’ll miss mom and dad, and I’ll obviously miss Mikes, but… I’m moving in with my best friend.” he said shyly. Like this was new shit. Frank fought down the urge to jump Gerard and his pretty face right there. He did not feel like getting fired today.

“Ten minutes from home, maximum.” Frank reminded him. 

Gerard, had just accepted a place at Essex County College, right across town. He could see Mikey whenever he wanted, and drop his laundry round to the house if he really needed to, (which he would). By extension, Frank refused to look for apartments any further from Essex County than Mrs. Way was. They'd argued about it for weeks. Gerard had this weird idea in his head that Frank wanted to move to Cali or some shit. He said he would move out of state if Frank _really_ wanted to. 

"Can you shut the fuck up about that!" Frank rolled out of Gerard's bed one night and stood across the room with his arms folded. Gerard, predictably, gave his wide-eyed-picture-of-innocence look. 

"I just want you to be happy, Frankie." 

"We're staying in Jersey you moron." 

It took a few more nights like that- a couple of cold shoulders- but Gerard was getting it. Frank had his eye on a couple of places downtown which were like $600 per month. It was perfect. Mrs. Way agreed to call and book showings of a couple of their first choices in the next couple of weeks. Soon Gee would see how serious Frank was about this. However, with this, it seemed was Gerard's realisation that this was actually happening. Frank could sense an imminent freakout, but they would have to cross that bridge when they got to it. 

Mrs. Way had spend many a long phone call reassuring him that they were both ready, that she was there if he needed her... all the things a mom was supposed to say. It was somewhere around this time that Frank realised that Mrs. Way had been so much more of a parent to him than either of his own. It made sense that this woman had given birth to the love of his life. 

They could do this. Frank really believed they could do this. Gerard's family was where he belonged. _Gerard_ was where he belonged, everything else would fall into place. He _really_ believed it. 

“Almost ready, baby.”Frank opened the oven door again. “Hey, where’s little dude today?” Frank finished up with the pizzas, slapping them onto the counter unceremoniously.

“He’s actually not feeling so good. He hasn’t been right all week. Mom says he has a fever but-“ Gerard shrugged. “you know what she’s like.” he finished, forcing a smile. Gerard worried his lower lip between his teeth. Frank watched his boyfriend intermittently while he sliced the slabs of dough and shoved them into two containers. Whenever Frank got sick, Gerard would sit over him with a medical encyclopaedia and diagnose him with the most terminal thing he could possibly find. Frank could almost see his brain jumping from worst case scenario to worst case scenario at lighting speed.

“You worry too much.” 

“I know.”

He handed the box over the counter. Gerard beamed and began to feel around in his pockets for change. Trust the dude never to bring a wallet.

“That’ll be 4.80, and a kiss, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY KIDS - I don’t know what time i’ll post this, but right now… as i am writing you this little message… it is 3:07 IN THE AM.  
> And I’ll tell you why I am writing at this time. (though I sometimes do by choice, this is not one of those occasions.) it’s because I WROTE THIS WHOLE DAMN THING AND IT TOOK ME ALL AFTERNOON AND GUESS WHAT- THE ARCHIVE TELLS YOU TO KEEP A MOTHERFUCKING COPY OF YOUR WORK FOR A MOTHERFUCKING REASON MY LITTLE FRERARD FLOWERS- BECAUSE AS SOON AS I’D FINISHED, I ACCIDENTALLY CLICKED MY REFRESH KEY AND ERADICATED OVER FOUR HOURS OF WORK.  
> Now at this point I was tempted to admit defeat. It was about 10:30, I was kind of tired.  
> but then I thought  
> NO. I LIKED THIS CHAPTER. I WANT THIS CHAPTER AS I JUST WROTE IT. AND IF I DO NOT WRITE DOWN WHAT I REMEMBER OF IT AT ONCE, IT WILL BE LOST IN THE BLACK HOLE OF MY BRAIN-BIN.  
> SO  
> sorry if quality's sub-par; it's the result of a frazzled Moon.  
> ***  
> Also, hello, It’s been like a whole day, hope you’re doing well. <3  
> Mxo


	2. Take Me Away From Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST AND FOREMOST we've got some nasty slurs towards the middle-end of this one, so if that's not your thing kindly take precautions.  
> ***  
> For the purposes of this story Mrs. Iero is called Lucy

Frank really hadn't meant to let his boyfriend suck him off at his place of work. Really. He hadn't. 

They'd just been sitting around, waiting for that asshole kid Sammie to get off her break. Gerard was sketching a zombie onto his empty polystyrene Pizza container, looking all gorgeous and shit. He'd looked up, met Frankie's eyes, and everything after that was a blur of swing doors and stumbling over each other's feet to get to the store cupboard. 

Gerard got tangled up in some cellophane wrapping on the floor and almost sprawled headlong. They burst into laughter as they tried to untangle him, then gave up and made out in the nest of plastic. Eventually Gerard managed to step free, and before Frank could even think about stopping him, he was on his knees.

The crunch of his zipper sliced through the dark cupboard and suddenly Gee's mouth was around Frank's cock. It would be a waste to stop him now. 

"You're so fucking good, baby." he breathed, as quietly as he could, but loud enough that Gerard could hear. It was like a subconscious thing. Something in him  _needed_ to let Gerard know just what he always did to him. It was like a tripwire. Whenever Gee made contact with his bare skin there was a waterfall from his brain to his mouth. If he was honest, he wouldn't want to stop it if he tried. Besides, from his art to his singing in the fucking shower; Gerard liked to be told when he was doing well. Frank didn't see any reason why sex should be any different.

"You're such a slut." Gee had giggled one morning- early morning- Eraserhead playing softly on Gerard's laptop. Frank hadn't even noticed that he'd basically been  _purring_ while Gerard ran his fingers through Frank's hair. 

"Only for you." he'd replied with a grin, tipping his head back to look at Gerard.

They'd laughed, but it was true. In all the clumsy, highschool experience he'd had before Gee, Frank had barely so much as opened his mouth. So it was as much a surprise to Frank as it was to anyone else when he'd almost brought Mrs. Way running the first time he had Gee stretched out in the basement, pale skin soft and wet underneath him and totally, completely his... Gerard had ended up coming all over himself with a hand pressed firmly over Frank's mouth. As it turned out, this wasn't a one-off thing, much to Mikey's dismay. (Frank apologised and suggested he buy better headphones if it bothered him.)

He thought about it sometimes. Wondered why the feel of Gee's hands bracketing his hipbones as he sank down felt like enough to knock him straight out...

Maybe he just had magic fingers. Frank wouldn't really be surprised. 

When Frank came it was about the only time he shut up, moth falling open and dropping his head back on the storeroom wall. Gee got quickly to his feet, wiping his sleeve across his mouth. Frank grinned up at him lazily while his brain came back online. 

"You're the fucking best-" he mumbled, leaning forwards to press his lips to Gerard's. His tongue tasted more like come than cigarettes, which wasn't Frank's favourite combination, but it was still pretty hot. He tried not to wrinkle his nose as he broke away. "Hey!" he said as Gerard zipped Frank's pants for him and reached for the door handle. "I didn't get a turn." he said, pointing openly to Gerard's crotch. Gee broke into a wide smile and kissed Frank again on the side of the mouth. 

"Return the favour later, babe. You've gotta talk to customers with those lips." he muttered, pulling the door open and pushing a dazed Frank outside by the small of his back. Frank was still regaining his breath and his braincells as he got back to the counter. Sammie narrowed her eyes at him, no doubt registering his ruffled hair and red lips. Or perhaps the other dishevelled looking emo following him from the back room. He grinned at her, which earned him a scowl before she turned back to the oven. 

***

"Mikey!" said Frank. "Awh, I've missed you, little dude." He jumped over the couch and onto Mikey's bed. He smiled meekly up at Frank from his spot under the duvet. 

"Hey, man. I heard Mom said she's helping you guys out with the apartment." Mikey said, clearing his throat. Frank was too excited to notice the dark rings under his friend's eyes. It was dark in his room anyway. "That's really rad." 

"Dude, she is! Just until we're, like, settled with real jobs or whatever. I'm so psyched. She's the fucking best, I swear." 

"Yeah." Mikey tried to lift his head and winced. "She kind of is."

"I owe her, Jesus." 

"Shut up." said Mikey, tossing a pillow at him. It barely made it to the other side of the bed. "You're like another kid to her. You don't owe her shit."

"Nah, man." Frank muttered, pushing the pillow off the bed and staring at the orange glow of a streetlamp from Mikey's window. "Some day, when i'm a rockstar or some shit, i'm gonna make sure she never has to lift a finger." he said. Mikey snorted, sending himself into a minor coughing fit. "Hey, you okay, man?" Frank's eyes adjusted to the room and he finally took in how _sick_ Mikey looked. 

"Fine, man. Gotta give up the fucking smokes." They both laughed, and talked about some gossip with the jocks from high school getting arrested. Frank's eyes kept drifting to the purple under Mikey's eyes, and how they stayed closed just a hair too long after blinking. 

"Hey, uh, I can go, you know. You gotta get better and shit. Isn't it your anniversary with Liss tomorrow?" said Frank. He nodded, but didn't open his eyes this time. 

"'m fine. Just sleepy." Frank eyed him for another few seconds, that lost feeling balled in the pit of his stomach. He'd never seen anyone looking this wrecked before just from flu. 

"Alright... well..." Mikey didn't seem to hear him. "I'll let you get some rest. Me and Gee are in the basement if you wanna come down later..." Mikey nodded eventually, then turned over, pulling his duvet up to his chin. Frank figured this was weird, but took it as a cue to leave. He tried to force his mind out of a spiral as he padded downstairs. was meant to be the sane, non-hypochondriac one in this house. Maybe he'd been spending too long with Gerard after all. 

***

"Dude, your brother's like... passed out." called Frank from the top of the stairs. Gee came to the door and peered up into the darkeness. 

"Hey, Frankie." he said. Followed by, "Oof." when Frank literally jumped into his arms from the bottom step. They ended up with Frank's legs around Gerard's waist in some kind of backwards piggyback. 

"Woah I feel like a chick in one of those annoying movies." said Frank, lacing his arms around Gerard's neck and pressing a kiss to his forehead, then his lips before jumping to the ground. Gerard chuckled and busied himself kicking piles of clothes out of the way. Frank shoved at a few items, but, recognising a lost cause, dumped himself onto Gerard's bed. He watched Gee digging around on his DVD shelf, murmuring the titles to himself. 

"So I've got a few hours 'til i've got to be home." said Frank innocently. "Who's fucking who first?" 

Gerard spluttered and dropped a couple of DVDs before chucking one at a smirking Frank. 

" _Luke Skywalker_ first, fucking second." he said indignantly, waving another DVD over in front of him. The torn expression on his face was priceless. Frank raised an eyebrow. 

"I'll hold you to that." he mumbled, admitting temporary defeat as he buried himself under Gerard's blankets. 

***

Frank walked home at 4am in the rain, half enjoying, half ignoring the dull throb radiating in his lower back.

Gerard had offered to drive, but he'd been half asleep against Frank's shoulder and sounded too buzzed to lift his head, let alone operate a high-power vehicle. Frankie left him with a peck on the lips and a wave as he slipped through the door.  

Frank's chucks were soaked through by the time he'd waded through the knee-length grass round the back of the house. The torch on his phone was nowhere near strong enough to navigate the lane. He should have brought a real flash light. And a real hoodie. His was way too thin. He cursed himself for forgetting to steal Gerard's cuddly sweatshirt. On second thoughts, though, it was probably best that he didn't keep other boys' clothes in his room. Just in case. 

He opened the back door as silently as possible, beginning to shiver from the cold. He sent a prayer out to whoever was listening, begging for his immune system to do its fucking job for once. 

He froze in the hallway when a crash rumbled through the still house. After a few seconds Frank edged forwards, he was almost at the bottom step when a glow from under the kitchen door caught his attention. His heart sank. Another smashing noise met his ears and he winced and checked the time on his phone. 4:27. He didn't need to sneak over to the kitchen door like he did when he was nine years old to find out what he already knew was there. His father, red-faced and lolling over the kitchen table, or maybe pawing at the cupboards to find more of what he'd already had far too much.  

Frank took a breath, gritted his teeth, and darted across the kitchen door. If he knew his father; and, unfortunately, he _did_ know his father, then he knew he was safe. He'd be too drunk to notice if the whole house collapsed around him. Frank held his middle finger up as he passed and crept up the stairs. No one could see him, but it made him feel just a little bit better; like he wasn't taking his father's behaviour lying down. 

Six hours later, Frank was woken by the sound of a door closing. As it turned out, it was his door. 

"Mom?" he said, blinking warily and pulling his duvet up over his chest. He hadn't been conscious long enough to remember whether Gee had left any incriminating evidence on Frank's chest or neck. Better safe than dead, that's what Frank always said. "What are you doing?"

His mother sighed her famous sigh and stepped over to the bed. She looked down her nose at her son with a Mikey-worthy raised eyebrow. 

"You have work in half an hour, Frankie." she said. "And i'd appreciate it if we didn't start the day off on another bad note." There was that _tone_ in her voice, like she was the loving, put-upon mother of an incurably wayward child. This was only half true, but she played up to the part with all her might. Thank god they weren't in public. At home it was irritating, but at church or in the supermarket, her sickly-sweet alter-ego verged on the insane.

Frank groaned and flopped back onto his pillow. His mother cleared her throat and moved closer to the bed. Frank sat back up again like he'd suffered an electric shock. 

"Alright, I'm getting up." he said, looking his mother up and down with as much scorn as he could manage. "Can't you, like, leave or something?" 

"Frankie." his mother sighed, crossing her arms. "Please don't start this up again right now. Your father's had a tough night-"

"'Tough fucking night.'" scoffed Frank. "Yeah. I bet he has."

"Frank Anthony." his mother snapped, tone sharpening from weary to dangerous like a throw-switch. Frank knew it was in his best interest to drop it now. He's been pushing his luck all week, and he couldn't afford to tempt his mother to tighten her grip on his freedom. He wouldn't put it past her to hire a security guard for his room. He glanced over to his clock and saw that she was right, he was going to be late if he didn't shift in the next five minutes. 

"Mom- can you please- I have to get dressed. I'll be late."

"And who's fault might that be? Frank," she pinched between her eyes, a motion she'd been fond of recently. "this attitude needs to stop." Frank clenched his fist. He could not snap now. He needed to go to work. He needed to keep saving up. He needed to move out- "I was just coming in to let you know that you'll be expected at Group on Sundays until the end of the summer. I've spoken to Grandma, and I've spoken to Father Luke. I think it would be appropriate-"

His mother began to outline a full length presentation on the reasons Frank belonged at Church Group for Troubled Youth or whatever it was called. Not once did she mention the unspeakable evil; the reason she was about ready to send Frank to military school if it would 'cure' him; the 'homosexual confusion'. That's what it was called now. After lengthly discussions with Father Luke, complete with tearful phone calls in the middle of the night, his mother had come to the conclusion that Frank was deluded; he was confused. That must be it. They'd sped straight through Anger, Isolation and Depression, and landed right back at Denial. Frank wondered if there was even an 'Acceptance' capability in his mother's brain. 

"Mom." he said. "I'll go to group, alright. Could you just get out of my room?"

His mother's eyes flashed as she stared down at him, her lips pressed into a straight line. 

"I'm driving you to work today. Be ready in ten minutes." 

Frank was going to let it go. He was going to let her get to the door, walk through it, close it behind her, and they could each go about their business. She was so close, just reaching for the handle...

Just as she was reaching the door Frank let his blanket drop and flopped back against the pillows. Something deep down wandered her to spin around and see the minute smudge of purple above his collarbone. He wanted her to see it and know that it was given to him by his boyfriend. His totally male boyfriend with a penis. She didn't turn around, though, she just marched from the room leaving his door slightly ajar in her wake. 

He really fucking hated that. 

***

Frank dragged himself home from an agonising Friday at work. It had been hot, busy, and Gee hadn't been to visit. Frank caught the bus to the end of his street, and walked the rest of the way. He ignored the thick smell of fat sticking to his clothes and hair. It wasn't raining tonight. He found himself wishing that it was, just to wash the lingering grease. It made him want to throw up right there on the side of the road. Luckily, he now had expert control of his gag reflex. He was too tired to smirk thinking about it.

He tugged his phone from his jeans as he rounded the corner to his house. He paused when he reached the covered entrance to the lane. It was a small passage running between a few of the houses down his street. It tapered into a dusty track to the North which ran up to the fields above the highway, but if followed south, it opened out a couple of blocks away. Right by Gerard's house. As far as Frank was aware, his parents had no knowledge of the lane. He wasn't even sure if he'd taken Gerard back there. It was his hiding place when he was a kid, before he had anywhere else to turn. It was kind of personal, like a slice of his own parallel universe.

Later, he thought. Just a few hours and he could get away for the whole night. All he had to do was suffer through dinner. As long as he kept his temper under control; Frank could be in his room blasting Misfits by nine o'clock. He steeled himself and walked up the driveway.

Gerard's phone went to voicemail for the second time as he walked through the front door, which was strange. It wasn't unusual for Gerard to get caught up and forget to answer the phone, but it was rare that he actually switched it off. Frank frowned, tucking his phone away as he quietly opened the front door. Not quietly enough, apparently.

 "Frank?" came his mother's voice from the kitchen. Frank didn't reply. "Could you take your shoes off and come into the kitchen, please?" she continued. "Your father and I want to have a word with you."

Fucking marvellous. Frank had half hoped his father would have slept through the whole day, or gone out to the bar, or forgotten he had a son at all. That would be nice. Shame he was up and around, and waiting for Frank at the kitchen table. Frank braced himself with a deep breath, reminded himself to keep calm, and walked into the kitchen.

***

Frank didn't know why he even bothered to get his hopes up anymore. Two hours later, he was slumped in a kitchen chair across from his father, dinner cold in front of them. Mrs. Iero was standing behind her husband, arms crossed over her chest, strained expression on her face. The conversation had spun in loops. Frank had barely even inflamed the situation. Barely. He was exhausted and frustrated and dying to check his phone in case Gee texted him.

"I don't know where this has come from." barked Mr. Iero, sitting back in his chair and resting a balled fist on the table. "It's like you're completely ungrateful."

"It's like having an alien in our own home, Frankie. So disrespectful. We're your _parents_ , Frank. You don't get to make decisions here." said his mother. Frank fought down a snigger. This part always impressed him. As much as he hated it, it was impressive. His parents; banded together to stage an intervention against their troublesome boy. The perfected faces of disappointment- sadness even- that Frank had turned out this way. To someone looking in, they might have even thought his parents gave a shit.

"I'm allowed to make decisions regarding who I spend _time_ with." mumbled Frank. "I'm almost eighteen you can't just control everything about me all the time. I mean, can you blame me for being a piece of shit?" For the second time that day he felt that acid tingle in his stomach when he knew he was getting close to the edge. 

He looked at his father's face, stony and pallid under the neon kitchen lights. 

"No, really." said Frank, blinking at them. "Can you blame me?" He saw his father's fist tighten, and his mother looked anxiously between her son and her husband. "I can't believe you're keeping up this fucking act that you're angry because of my 'attitude' or whatever the fuck else. Can't we just fucking face it. You're still pissed because you found out i'm dating a boy-"

"Not this bullshit again." shouted his father, slamming his closed fist onto the table. Mrs. Iero flinched and closed her eyes. Frank sat still in his seat and stared sullenly at his father's reddening face. "I've had it up to fucking here," he spat. "With all this faggy shit you've been pulling. You know what it is?" He asked, addressing Mrs. Iero now, pointing at Frank. "It's attention." Frank's grip tightened in his crossed arms. 

"I'm sitting right here." gritted out Frank quietly. His father ignored him. 

"That's all anything is about with this boy. He wants everyone looking at him. When he fucked up at school last year it was the same story. He just wants to be the centre of attention, Lucy. Cutting his hair off and wearing nail polish like he's some  _girl._ " he snarled, as if being female was the most disgusting form of torture he could ever imagine. Which was ironic, seeing as it was girls his father was so insistent that Frank had an interest in. "It's like your mother said. Kids will pull all kind of warped stunts for a bit of attention. Like that chatroom for poofs or whatever it was he's been messing around with. I'm so sick of-" 

"I'm sitting in fucking front of you!" shouted Frank, voice almost lost under the scrape of his chair as he stood up. There was a clatter as it fell to the floor. Frank and his father ignored it, staring at each other, but Mrs. Iero still managed to click her tongue disapprovingly. "It's so demeaning," spat Frank "when you talk about me like i'm not here." the rage- which he'd been trying to squash from the moment he walked into the kitchen- was pressing itself forwards. His vision felt slanted as the words forced themselves out of him like they were jet-propelled. 

"I'm not a _pet_. You can't just feed me three times a day, ignore me the rest of the time, fucking- fucking _insult_ me, and then pretend that everything should be fucking perfect. Like, you two honestly wonder why i'm such a mess? It's hilarious. Dad, the only time I actually see you is for, like, an hour at church on Sundays, and occasionally if Mom needs reinforcement through the week. You make all these fucking accusations? You don't even fucking know me. And Mom-" he said, rounding on his mother with an icy stare. He was pleased to see that he looked a little unsettled. "If you took the smallest millisecond to stop worrying about how you come across to everybody else, maybe you'd see that there's a  _reason_ I don't treat you like 'mommy' and 'daddy' anymore. For fuck's sake-" yelled Frank.

There were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew he had a matter of seconds before one of his parents came to their senses and locked him in his room for the rest of his natural life. 

"You know what-" he said, throwing caution to the wind. "Here's a novel thought; _I'm not gay for attention_. Only fucking morons can believe anything so fucking stupid. You don't just 'become gay' if you get bored. I don't even know if I'm 'gay' I just..." 

Frank knew that the intricacies of sexual identity would be lost on his parents, so he nipped that train of thought in the bud and rubbed his eyes. 

"It's just the way I am and I'm finished ignoring it and being someone else to my own family. You should be here for me no matter what and you're not. You never have been and-" Frank took a breath. "As for that fucking 'chatroom', I've told you. I was talking to my _boyfriend_ -"

"That's enough." Exploded Mr. Iero. "If my father, god rest his soul, heard you speaking such  _filth,_ such  _lies-"_

"There you go again!" screamed Frank, raising his voice to match his father's boom. He felt like a five year old throwing a tantrum, but he was too far gone to even register. The beginnings of a headache were throbbing across his skull. He didn't notice hot pinpricks of his tears until they were spilling down his face. Fuck it. His dignity was long since gone. "Stop fucking dismissing me. I am not fucking lying. If you have such a problem that someone in my life actually makes me  _happy..."_ cried Frank. He wiped his eyes vigourously. "Something you have never even fucking bothered about, but G-" he gasped a strangled breath and cut himself off.

His heart jumped in his chest and he finally drew back. He was dizzy with how close that had been. He'd almost said Gerard's name. 

His parents may have found out he was gay, but they didn't know who ' **GG2213** **'** was. It was the screen name on the IM his mom had found back in June. There wasn't a day that went by that Frank didn't thank whoever was out there for that stroke of luck, and he'd almost fucked the whole thing up by saying Gerard's name. He didn't think his parents would, like,  _do_ anything to Gerard over it. For all their flaws, they weren't completely psychotic. But Mrs. Iero had the power to make life uncomfortable for Mrs. Way, who sometimes came to church charity events with her friends. Mrs. Way was awesome, but she was also a little dopey. If she started hearing gossip about her own boy from his mom's bitchy friends, Frank wasn't sure how she'd react. He hoped he never had to find out. Plus, a small, selfish part of him couldn't deal with the idea that Mrs. Way might be mad at him for dropping Gee in shit.

But it didn't matter, because it wasn't going to happen.

He wasn't about to put anyone in the Way family into this line of fire. 

Instead he stood there in the middle of his kitchen; next to his parents, but completely alone. He sobbed once, breath scraping his throat in uneven bunches. "I'm your son." he whimpered, but the words were as good as lost. 

His father was staring at him, features blank, muttered something which sounded like "Brat." and got to his feet. 

His mother looked torn, but as she watched Mr. Iero make to leave the room, she merely cast her crying son a glance, and followed her husband out of the door. 

***

Frank finished retching over the toilet and stared meekly at his phone. The tears had stopped now, which was a relief. He sucked in a shaky breath and exhaled to the count of ten. Gerard never called him back. While Frank had been hysterical, he'd dialled both of the Way brothers, and eventually their home number, but received no reply. At first he'd tossed his phone across his room, but after throwing up violently in his bathroom, he shuffled out to find it. 

He didn't remember the last time he'd lost it like that. He especially didn't remember the last time he'd cried in front of his father. Neither were experiences he was going to relive in a hurry.

His eyes were scratchy, and face still sticky with salt. He pulled himself up to the sink so he could brush his teeth and rinse his mouth out. He couldn't help but feel sorry for himself as he carried himself to bed. Of course, the time he desperately wanted a night out of the house, his best friends were nowhere to be found. He considered just running over there unannounced. Maybe on a different night he would have done. He was too tired now, though. Somehow his reasoning skills were improved when he was low like this. The Ways had probably gone out and forgotten to tell him. It would be a waste of energy to go and check, only to have to turn around and come home. 

He thought that maybe he'd stay awake to see if Gee would call him back.  

Frank curled up, phone clutched to his chest, on top of the duvet. He hadn't even bothered to close the curtains, and the moon was full that night, bathing his desk in silvery light. Frank turned over, closing his eyes to it. As he lay there, he listened to the beating of his own heart, maybe imagining that it was someone else's, and eventually- without really meaning to- he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing :/  
> ***


	3. I Cannot Dream Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids,
> 
> Sorry for the 3 day break, I was getting trampled by Bring Me fans at Reading.  
> ***  
> If you commented on this chapter and it has disappeared, I didn't delete them! I deleted thenchapter off my phone to edit and I forgot it deletes comments too :(

When Frank arrived at Group, he was already reaching the end of his patience. He had a thumping hangover, he'd been clipped round the ear for stealing his father's liquor, (it was a clip on the ear and nothing more because Mr. Iero didn't want his wife to know he'd been sneaking Whiskey at 2am any more than Frank did.)

Frank was in no mood to be making friends.

He snuck out last night to finally investigate the two day disappearance of his best friends. He stood outside the Ways' house at close to midnight, frowning up at the dark house. He slowly walked through the garden, around the side of the house, to peer through Gerard's window. Dark and empty. The garage was closed so Frank had no idea whether Mr. and Mrs. Ways' car was there, but Gerard's definitely wasn't parked in the driveway. Frank blinked rapidly, standing in the dark. Then he drew his arms around himself and went home.

He tried not to be upset with Gerard for going AWOL. He tried not to work himself up. There would be a reason. 

Even so, he couldn't help feeling a little abandoned. A feeling which wasn't diminished as he sat on an uncomfortable chair in a draughty church side-room, listening to Farther Luke encouraging the gathering of five or six 14-19 year olds to 'renounce their sinful urges'. Needless to say, Frank switched off within the first five minutes -occupying his mind with thoughts about apartment logistics- so it was a shock to him when he heard his name infiltrating his daydream.

"Did you hear, Frank?" asked Father Luke with a raised eyebrow. Frank glared at him and sighed audibly, shaking his head. Father Luke stared back at him solemnly.

"I was just asking everyone if they would like to share one time in their life when they have felt lost. Now, it doesn't have to be too personal. The example I gave- which you might have known if you hadn't had your head in the clouds, Mr. Iero- Is that I feel lost whenever i fall out with my childhood friend, Jacob. I miss my friend Jacob when we're not talking, but sometimes it's hard to admit when you've made a mistake. God teaches us that, sometimes, to find our way, we may sometimes have to take the more difficult path. It will be a trial, but we will come out better for it." said Father Luke, looking around the group with a simpering smile which made Frank grimace. "So... Frank?" asked the Father.

Frank rolled his eyes at the predictability of it all, but he knew everything would go a lot quicker if he played along. The sooner he spat out some bullshit answer, the sooner everyone's eyes would be off him.

"I- Uh-" Frank cleared his throat and glanced around for the first time since he sat down. There were five kids sitting in a broken semi-circle. Three of them he didn't know, but he recognised one girl with bright orange hair sitting across the room from him; Haley, she was in freshmen year when Frank graduated. She smiled when his eyes passed over hers. He wasn't quick enough to respond, digging around instead for something vague enough to announce to the group. The other girl he recognised was actually a rare friend of Gerard's. Well, 'friend' in the way that she never sneered at him and would even sit with him at lunch if neither of them had anyone else to talk to. They'd been on an art course once, she'd been the only one to treat Gee like a human being. Frank instantly approved of her for it. That was a few years ago now, though. She left school for Senior year. Frank was somehow comforted that she was still in town. He felt bad when he struggled to remember her name.

"I... feel lost when..."

The guy next to the black haired friend-of-Gerard's had his gaze trained on Frank, so their eyes met when Frank glanced over. The guy fucking winked. Frank visibly started a little and averted his eyes. That was one too many things for his brain to process. The other two kids were twin boys who can only have been about fourteen years old. They were both blonde and looked somewhat terrified of the company. Frank understood. He and Gerard's friend were both dressed all in black, ragged shirts hanging off their bodies. They probably looked like complete hobos to the clean-cut twins huddled together at the back. Not to mention the copious amounts of eye makeup Gerard's friend was wearing. Frank was only wearing a little eyeliner, but his nails were black so that probably made up for it.

"I guess I feel lost when my friends aren't around, too, Father." grumbled Frank. He decided he was too tired to come up with a sarcastic response, or even a fictional one. Whatever. It wasn't like there was much of an audience.

The father nodded. "And what can we do to fix this, Frank?" he replied. Frank sighed and glared from under his brow, sinking lower into his seat.

"Go find them? I don't know." he muttered.

"That's right, Frank. We can go out of our way to reach out to our estranged friends. In this way, we take the higher ground, and therefore, God's ground: God's path."

Frank nodded when Father Luke looked expectantly down his nose at him. That wasn't what Frank had said at all, but best not argue.

As they worked around the semi- circle, everyone mumbled similar, watery responses. One of the twins said he felt lost when he dropped off the honour roll in school. Lyndsey: Gerard's friend, Frank remembered her name as soon as it rolled out of Father Luke's mouth- said that she felt lost whenever she got lost. Frank sniggered, and she shot him a smile when he looked over at her. Father Luke raised his eyebrows, but chose to ignore them.

The guy who winked tried to say something funny, but it was so remarkably unfunny that Frank forgot what it was almost thirty seconds after it was said. Father Luke didn't choose to ignore them this time.

"Now," he began, clasping his hands in front of him. "I know it's difficult to, uh, hold concentration-" he said it with a patronising inflection and yet another raised eyebrow. The man's worse than Mikey, thought Frank. "But remember that we're all here to help each other, and flippancy will get us nowhere. Jesus said-"

Frank switched off again. This time, though, he didn't let his thoughts wander. He gave his best shot at a surreptitious glance in the direction of the dude who just fucking winked at him thirty seconds ago. Turns out the guy was already staring at him. Frank held his ground and raised an eyebrow. The guy grinned. And, okay, that was probably the smuggest grin Frank had ever seen. Unsure what to do next, he turned back to face the front, and firmly stayed that way until they were released for a five minute break.

Lyndsey caught up with him outside, causing him to fumble as he tried to roll a cigarette.

"Hey." he said, nudging some stray tobacco back onto the paper. No fucking way he was wasting that shit.

"Hi," she said with a smile, leaning next to him on the wall while she pulled out her own pack of Marlboros. Frank eyed them jealously. He fucking hated rolling his cigarettes.

"Frank, right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah." he said finally finishing the operation of rolling and sticking the cig in his mouth. Lindsey offered him a light.

"I'm Lindsey." she said after a while.

"Shit, yeah sorry. I know. You left school last year?" he said, remembering how humans are supposed to, like, make conversation and stuff.

"Yep. You're Gee's friend?"

Gee. Huh. Maybe she knew him better than Frank thought.

"Yeah... well, boyfriend, actually." said Frank, glowing as the words left his lips. Lyndsey, to Frank's mild surprise, grinned.

"I fucking knew it." she mumbled around her cigarette, taking a long drag. "I'm happy for you guys. Gee's such a cool dude." she said. Frank bristled without meaning to. He had no idea where the sudden urge of jealousy came from, but it must have been obvious, because she turned to him and laughed. "Don't worry," she whispered, leaning forward. Frank blinked against the smoke she was breathing into his face. "I have a girlfriend, so I think you're safe." Frank relaxed and smiled back at her. Somewhere in the back of his mind he swore himself out for acting like a complete freak.

"Sorry- I don't- I'm a little new to this." he muttered. Lyndsey leant back and looked him up and down before nodding.

"I get it." she said. They stood in silence, trails of smoke floating up and intertwining in the late morning sunlight. "That's a shame though..."

Frank looked at her.

"About what?"

"That you have a boyfriend. My girlfriend's brother was totally checking you out." she said with a concealed smile. Frank frowned at her and she pointed with her thumb. "Evan?" she said. "Brownish hair... sat next to me..."

"Oh him?" said Frank. "Well...I'm- uhm- very much taken."

"I'll let him know." said Lyndsey with a wink. Frank coughed and finished his cigarette.

Why was everyone winking at him today?

***

By the end of Group, Frank was actually disappointed that he had to decline Lyndsey's offer of coffee. She, Haley and Evan were going to the Starbucks down the street. Frank couldn't refuse coffee at the best of times, let alone when the alternative was sitting at home wondering when the fuck his boyfriend was returning to the face of the earth.

"Next time." Lyndsey called, no questions asked, over her shoulder. Frank hoped his house arrest was lifted in time for there to be a next time.

By the end of that morning, Frank had decided that he not only approved of Lyndsey, he also liked her. She was funny and interesting and Frank could see what Gerard saw in her a couple of years ago... aside from the whole not-ignoring-him deal.

Lindsey had leant down and whispered something into Evan's ear before the second hour of Group started. After that the winks were replaced with nothing more questionable than warm smiles. Frank breathed a sigh of relief. During 'Discussion Time', Frank was grouped with Evan and Lindsey. Instead of discussing the Holy Spirit, they talked about Music and Gore flicks. Frank almost found himself having a pretty good time. In church.

Frank would like to think that Evan's conversation had interested him because Evan was an interesting guy, but, as Frank climbed into his mother's car later on, he was fixated on a particular part of their conversation; and one part only...

"So you and your boyfriend are looking for a place, then?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty excited. His Mom- we're really close and stuff, 'cause i've been friends with Gee's family forever- she's gonna help us pay rent until we can manage. It's so weird, though. I feel too young for all this shit." Frank said.

"I get you, man. I moved out last year and it was the biggest reality check of my life. My dad refused to help, so my sister and Lyndsey were totally awesome for moral support and whatever." he said, smiling at Lyndsey, who was sitting a few feet away, studying her nails. She rolled her eyes at him and mouthed 'Corndog.' He stuck his tongue out at her. "Anyway, trust me, you get used to it."

"Yeah, man." Frank said, glancing at his own nails. "It's just- I don't know how I'm going to pay for, like, eating and stuff." he said, huffing out a laugh and craning to make sure Father Luke was still involved in his discussion with the twins. Evan shrugged.

"It's not always easy, but, for me at least, you get used to living off less. If you're with Gee, you'll be totally fine. It'll be fun, man! Look forward to it. Where are you guys planning on moving, anyway? New York?" he asked. Frank spluttered and shook his head at once.

"Fuck no! I couldn't afford a fucking closet out there. We're staying local. Downtown, hopefully. Gee's going to school in Essex." He said, making an effort to sound enthusiastic. Evan frowned for a second and opened his mouth, but then shook his head with a small laugh and closed it again.

"Nevermind." he muttered.

"No, dude, what is it?" said Frank. He was worried Evan was about to break some awful news about living downtown, but all he said when he opened his mouth was;

"You wouldn't be interested in something in Belleville, would you?"

***

Frank called Gerard for the fifth time after work on Monday. It was late. Midnight maybe. He hadn't really been expecting a reply. It had been habit for the past couple of days, though. Call nine or ten times, listen to Gerard's little voicemail message, then hang up. So when the phone began ringing, Frank sat up from where he'd been sprawled on his bedroom floor. The phone rang once, twice, three times- Frank sucked his lip ring into his mouth.

"Hello?"

Frank had still been vaguely irritated at Gerard as the phone rang, but as soon as he heard his voice, every trace of annoyance melted away.

"Gee?" Frank pulled his legs under him.

"Hey, baby." said Gerard quietly. The tone of his voice sent a chill down Frank's spine.

"Gerard, is everything okay?" Frank paused to listen. There was crackling on the end of the line- like fabric moving over the microphone- then a sniff- then a sigh. "Gee?" said Frank, nervous now.

"Can you come over, Frankie?" said Gerard. He sounded like he was holding the phone away from his face, the noise was so faint.

"What's the matter?" asked Frank, already hopping off the floor to grab a hoodie.

"Please?" sniffed Gerard's distant voice. "Just please. I need you, babe."

Frank was pushing the window open before he'd even hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK THIS IS A BORING CHAPTER I CAN'T-  
> ***  
> i'll do better, promise.  
> ***  
> Also 'I'm Not Okay' started playing over the speakers at Reading and I was singing so loudly and all the Metalheads around me were like :/  
> But when I shouted the "I mean this, I'm okay" bit, a bunch of people shouted "Trust me."
> 
> So I count it as a success.  
> ***  
> HEY those whose comments were deleted, I've copy and pasted them into the comment section from the emails and replied <3


	4. Fate Fell Short This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got some potentially upsetting stuff in here, proceed with caution. I don't want to give anything away, so that's all i'm going to say about it. Let me know if you think I need a more specific warning, though.  
> ***  
> HEY if you commented on the last chapter, i HAVE replied, I just deleted the whole chapter to replace it with an edited version... so that deleted ur comments too oops :(  
> Anyway... I reposted them into the comments section + my replies so... idk ignore me i'm ?  
> xo  
> ***

Frank nearly collapsed in Gerard's front yard. He'd run the whole way there- stopping only to curse his mediocre set of lungs. The house was dark again, but Gee's car was in the driveway. Frank leant forwards on his knees. He hovered, deciding whether or not to try the front door. With a final glance up at the still looking upper floors, he headed around the house to Gerard's window instead. He was flooded with relief when he saw the fuzzy glow trickling over the grass. Frank fell to his knees and tapped on the window and his breath caught when Gerard met his eyes. Without another thought, Frank dug his nails under the window pane and swung it towards him. He slid down onto his back and pushed himself into Gerard's room, barely noticing that he caught his hoodie on the pane, or the sharp slice of pain which shot up his leg as he landed. 

"Gee, baby, come here." he panted, catching his breath again. Gerard wiped a hand over his tearstained face and shuffled over to where Frank was standing. He began to sob as he planted his face into the crook of Frank's neck, who closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over Gerard's back. 

Frank said nothing as he gently tugged Gerard over to the bed and sat him down, staying quiet when he pushed his boyfriend's damp hair of his face, and wrapped his arms around him. The only sound as he slipped over to the bathroom to get toilet paper, and as he used it to wipe Gerard's eyes, was soft sniffling as the tears continued to stream down Gee's face.

And, still, Frank said nothing, because he'd been on the other end of this too many times to count, and though he was sick to the stomach wondering what had messed Gerard up like this, he knew how this worked.

He slid up the bed, petting Gee's hair when he whimpered and reached for Frank. He tugged gently at Gerard's tee, pulling him backwards to the head of the bed. Frank pulled a pillow up behind himself and Gerard followed without question, letting Frank loop his arms around his chest. The sat like that, back to chest, Gerard's head resting on Frank's shoulder.

Frank bit his lip, because Gerard didn't fuss even once that he was crushing Frankie, or that he must be too hot underneath him like that. He just turned his head into Frank's neck and waited for this- whatever it was- to subside.

After half an hour, Frank thought Gerard had drifted off to sleep. His breathing evened out, wet eyelashes dark against his cheeks. Frank shifted to get a better look and Gerard's eyes fluttered open. Frank pressed a kiss to his temple and watched him sit up. 

"Hey, Frankie." he said, voice a little rough as he moved over to settle himself on the other side of the bed. Frank stretched and rolled over to face him. 

"Hey." he said, reaching over to run a thumb under Gerard's left eye. Gerard sniffed. 

"I'm so sorry." Gerard said. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Frank, sitting up a little. 

"I'm so sorry we like- That I didn't call. I'm so sorry." he mumbled, dropping his head. Frank was worried he would start crying again, so he rubbed Gerard's arm in the most reassuring way he could. "You must have been confused, I just-"

"Don't be a fucking moron. I missed you, baby, but something's obviously- I just want you to feel okay."

Gerard looked up and forced a smile, then took a deep breath. 

"Fuck, I need a cigarette." 

Frank patted his pockets at once and promptly shook his head, shooting Gee an apologetic look. Gerard waved him off. 

"Okay, Frankie." he said. "Mom wanted to be here to tell you, too, but... fuck, I'm so sorry." he said, covering his mouth. Frank leant forwards unintentionally. Before he could push himself back again, Gerard grabbed onto the front of Frank's shirt, holding him in place. Frank looked into his eyes and what he saw there scared him. 

"Gerard, what is it?" he asked, more steadily than he felt. 

"It's Mikey." whispered Gerard, tears beginning to leak down his cheeks again. "Mikey's sick, baby." 

***

It was Wednesday.

Frank slid into Gerard's room that night, and Gee had been smiling at him tiredly from the bed. Frank ignored the smell of vodka and smoke and smiled back. He hadn't seen that smile in a few days. When Frank asked him what was up, Gee grinned and stood- albeit a little shakily- pointing to the door.

"He's awake."

Frank didn't ask any questions as he was led to Mikey's room. There was music leaking softly from under the door. Frank frowned at Gerard, who nodded, his smile stuck firmly in place. 

As Frank stepped into Mikey's room for the first time in over a week, he was met at first by the blue glow of the TV, and then by the shadowy figure propped up in bed. 

"Very fucking nice of you to stop by." said Mikey, grinning when Frank's jaw dropped. He stepped over to the bed, stopping himself before he did something stupid like hop right into Mikey's lap. 

"Hey Mikes." said Frank, forcing some normality into his voice. The roll of Mikey's eyes told him he'd missed the mark. Frank could feel Gerard hovering by the door. 

"I'm not a fucking corpse yet, Frankie, come on." he said, tapping the bed. Frank flinched. 

"Don't say 'yet', asshole." muttered Gerard from the door. Frank glanced over at him, then edged over to sit on the bed. 

"I'm kidding." Mikey said. Frank raised an eyebrow. "It's only uncool to make morbid jokes if you're actually  _going to die._ " said Mikey, he looked between Frank and Gerard, who were both staring at him with similar expressions of discomfort. Mikey groaned. "Oh,  _please_ don't get fucking awkward about this. Dealing with chemo for three months is going to be hard enough without this bullshit whenever I get home." he said. Gerard drew his arms up around him. Frank exhaled with the ghost of a laugh. 

"So... what's the damage? Gee told me some of it but-" Frank asked quietly. "If you don't mind... you know." he added hastily. Mikey didn't roll his eyes this time, he just shifted and smiled at Frank.

"Aggressive Stage IIE Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Started in my spleen- didn't even fucking know I had a spleen- but now it's in my liver too so it's a little more of a bummer to get rid of."

Frank grimaced. 

"Sounds gnarly." he said. Mikey nodded. 

"Everyone has a spleen, Mikey." mumbled Gerard, leaning against the bedroom wall. Mikey shot him a look and turned back to Frank.

"How weird is this, though? Doctor said I've had the thingy in my spleen for, like, months. Maybe even years. It only got dangerous when it spread and started growing too quick. It's why I only really felt it over the past couple weeks." Mikey sighed and reached for the remote, turning down the music from the TV. "Anyway. I'm on some weird meds to get ready for treatment." he pointed to his stomach. "So I'm going to be out of it for a while, Mom said."

He took a breath and looked over at his brother. Frank could see them having one of their silent communications.

"Hey, listen to me." Mikey said, breaking eye contact with his brother and passing it to Frank. "This is going to be a pain in the ass, but that's all it is, a fucking pain in the ass. We're gonna do the shit, and it's going to feel awful, then I'm going to get better. You don't need to be scared about it. 'Cause I'm not." he made a show of putting his hands behind his head and leaning back. "Prognosis is good, okay?" he said firmly. Frank nodded, but he felt like Mikey was speaking more for Gerard's benefit than anything else.

"Also," Mikey said, dropping his eyes to the duvet. "I just..." he exhaled and looked at the ceiling. Gerard stepped forwards, but Mikey immediately raised a hand. "Don't fucking, like, hang around my room or whatever when I'm sleeping." 

Frank made a face at him. 

"I'm serious." Mikey insisted. "No 'visits' or whatever while i'm KO. It's such a waste of your time. I'm just sick. It's just while I'm getting better. When I'm feeling okay we'll hang out, but when I'm not... don't feel bad about not hovering around my deathbed all the time."

"Mikey!" scolded Gerard, looking stricken. 

"Sorry. You know what I mean. Sick bed, whatever." Gerard still looked horrified. Frank fought the urge to go and rest his head on his chest. "Don't let this get weird." Mikey croaked. His voice was leaning on the shaky side, and Frank would be lying if he said his heart didn't break a little.

"Yeah, dude." he said at once. Gerard looked over at him, and finally edged closer to the bed. He took his brother's hand for a second and then let it go. It was all the response Mikey needed. They understood each other like that. Frank took a deep breath and let it out.

Normal.  

They changed the subject not long after that. Frank's brain was a little fuzzed. Whenever he let himself slip into routine-thinking, something yanked him back. Just as he started to laugh at one of Mikey's stories, or about to reach out for Gerard's hand, he was met with a nagging in the back of his mind that things weren't routine. Things wouldn't be routine for a while. He itched to ask more questions. He'd spent the whole last couple of days worrying, and after a good night or so to think about it, Frank made a decision.

The bullshit was over. It was Frank's turn to be the support he'd received, from everyone in that house, since he was ten years old. No matter how many times he'd promised himself he never would, he needed to grow up. This was both because owed it to them, and because some part of him needed to show them how much they meant; repay them for all the love they'd given him. 

 

He made a list for himself as he walked home. One which he would later scratch out into one of his worn out notebooks; just to remind him. He left his top three scrawled on a scrap of paper on his nightstand.

_No relationship drama. Because... duh._

_No letting Gerard drink himself into non-existence. The Ways only needed to be paying one set of hospital bills._

_No more intruding on Mrs. Way's resources. Time to stop getting under everyone's feet, he could make his own fucking pancakes..._

The thought that he was grounded struck him as he passed under a streetlamp on the night Gee told him the news. It was surreal. His best friend was facing 60:40 survival odds and Frank was still doing as his Mommy said.

He couldn't work out whether it made him feel too old, or too young to be dealing with this shit.  

That reminded him:

_No feeling sorry for himself._

_No panicking in front of the Ways._

He repeated to himself the only useful thing his mother had ever told him: ' _ **Worrying about it won't change the outcome**._ " 

He took a moment to try and convince himself of this, stopping in the middle of the street as drizzle began to drift onto his skin. He took a deep breath. All the while he stood there in the darkness, spots of shining rain settling onto his eyelashes, it was easy to believe that he would wake up any time now. Back in his bed- alarm screaming at him to get up and go to his shitty job.

But he didn't, and it didn't.

He just walked home, adding to his list, and getting thoroughly damp as he did so. 

***

He was glued to his phone at work the next day. Sammie shot him evil glances, but he didn't give a shit. He called Gerard on his lunch break, and slumped down the wall outside with a cigarette as the phone rang. 

Gee picked up on the third ring.

"How's stuff?" asked Frank, as soon as the ring-tone disappeared. 

"It is what it is." said Gerard. Frank could hear him breathe in, then exhale. He wondered if Gerard was smoking too. "I mean, it's fine." he corrected himself. "We dropped Mikes off a few hours ago. I offered to wait around until he was done, but he told me to go home. Mom's there now. She says he'll feel pretty rough tonight. Chemo's, like, poison and whatever. He's gonna stay overnight tonight, and then he's coming home every night after that." Gerard reeled off the information like it was printed somewhere in his brain. 

"Gee," said Frank. "He's going to be fine." Frank said. Gerard sighed, breath cracking over the line. 

"I hope so, Frankie."

"Dude, honestly. Doctor says so. Doctors don't make that shit up."

Gerard huffed out a laugh and there was silence for a few seconds. Frank heard Gee exhaling again and decided that he was definitely smoking. It made him jealous somehow. He wanted to be over there smoking next to Gerard, watching the smoke spilling from his lips. Instead he was out here, behind some shitty pizza place, watching his own smoke curl off into the cool air.

"Is it stupid that I'm so scared?" Gee asked quietly. Frank closed his eyes. 

"No, princess." 

"I mean, I have to be strong for my baby brother. I feel pathetic." Gerard breathed. "He's being so brave I just... what if something goes wrong."

"Don't do that to yourself." Frank said, ashing all over the ground.

"He's my baby brother." Gee replied softly. 

"I know." Frank said. "And he's going to make it." Frank didn't let himself doubt it. 

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost him." 

"Good thing you're not going to, then." 

There was silence over the line. Frank ran his hand over his face, snatching it back when he remembered that his lit cigarette was dangerously close to his hair. He gritted his teeth. He had to say this sometime, and sooner was better than later...

"Baby, there's something I wanted to talk to you about." said Frank after a while, squinting into a sharp gust of wind blowing down the alleyway. "I understand if you want to stay home." There was a pause, Frank bit at his lip ring.

"What do you mean?" asked Gerard.

"The apartment." he said, "I promise this is the last I'm saying about it for a while." Frank added quickly. "I just want to let you know that I won't be mad, or hurt, or... Like, I'm not an asshole. I just thought you probably wouldn't want to be moving out right now. I, uh, didn't want you to feel bad about bringing it up, so I'm bringing it up for you." 

"Oh." said Gerard. Frank waited, shivering against the sudden breeze. A cloud moved over the sun. "Thank you, Frankie." came the eventual reply. The sound was almost drowned by the shitty reception, but Frank heard it just fine. 

"It'll just be a few months of this, baby."

"If it works." said Gerard blankly. Frank bit his lip.

"It'll work."

There was another long pause.  

"I love you." said Frank. Because he did, and because the blankness in Gerard's voice was scaring him. 

"I love you too, baby." Gerard replied at once. "I love you so much."

"We're going to be just fine." frank said as he stubbed his cigarette out into the sand bucket by the door. 

"Yeah." Gerard agreed. "We're all going to be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo when I was planning this whole story out a few days ago I thought for a pretty long time about whether I really wanted to take the story in this direction. I took a while wondering whether it was acceptable to use this kind of topic as a plot device, and I don't want to make it just a stepping stone if that makes any sense ??  
> Plus, when I got down to writing the chapter, I really wasn't sure about either the writing or my handling :/ so...
> 
> Let me know what you guys think I guess? I have no objectivity over the shit I write RIP me  
> ***  
> I'm feeling mixed... as I often do.  
> ***  
> Hope ur all having a fab day & night xo


	5. Starstruck and Metal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids, sorry for the break... Ended up staying with a friend in London for WAY longer than anticipated <3  
> ***

"You seriously haven't been up here?"

"No, Frankie." Gerard pouted and looked behind him gingerly. "I think we're going to get murdered, and it's cold."  

"Maybe." Frank smiled, slipping his hand into Gerard's to pacify him. It didn't. The continued up the track, houses melting into empty storage spaces and old businesses as they drew on into the darkness. If Frank hadn't been up here so often, he'd definitely be freaked out too. 

"Frank!" he squeaked. "Where are we even going?" 

"You'll recognise it when we get there." he said, giving Gerard's hand a squeeze. 

It was Sunday. Mrs. Iero had been on Frank's back all day about finding apprenticeships, or re-applying for Colleges... Needless to say they hadn't left on a particularly cheerful note. Luckily Frank's dad was "on business" for the weekend, so he had one less bullshit parent to deal with.

"Fuck, Frankie." muttered Gerard. "Fine. Talk to me. I need to be distracted- Shit." Gerard jumped and squinted into the bushes next to them. Frank rolled his eyes.

"It was just a fox, baby." he murmured. Frank could feel Gerard scowling at him from the corner of his eye. He turned his head and grinned. "What do you want me to talk about?"

"I don't know. Anything. Tell me about Group today. Was Lindsey there again?" said Gerard, splaying his fingers and moving his hair out of his face. Frank kept smiling at him like a jack-o-lantern. It was amazing how endearing all of Gerard's little mannerisms still were. He didn't say anything though, it made Gee self-conscious when he brought it up.

"Yeah she was there." he said after a little pause. "She asked about you."

"What did you say?"

"I said you were just as fucking hot as always. Awesome in bed. Huge-"

"Frank!" Gee shoved at him.

"Nah, I said you were doing well. Hey," Frank clicked his fingers. "did I tell you I got hit on by her girlfriend's brother?" 

"What the fuck? No?" said Gerard, stopping immediately. His expression made Frank's heart melt a little.  

"Oh... then..." Frank sniggered to himself. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you... you might go wild with jealousy and-"

"Iero!" squealed Gerard, batting at him. Frank burst into tipsy laughter and sidestepped him. "Not funny!"

Frank giggled and grabbed Gerard's hands, pulling him close. Gee still looked affronted as Frank stepped right into his space. He ran a hand over Gerard's cheek and pulled him down for a soft kiss. 

"Fucking idiot." he whispered and pulled away, smiling as he watched the conflict on Gerard's face. 

"Why?" whined Gerard, finally settling his hands on Frank's waist. 

"Because-" said Frank softly, pressing another kiss to the side of Gee's mouth. "You'd have to be a fucking idiot to think I'd give- I don't know- fucking _Johnny Depp_  a second glance if he was standing next to you. Or if he wasn't. Wherever he was standing. I don't give a shit. All eyes on you, Gee." It was dark, but Frank knew Gerard was blushing. 

"Wow- I-" he said, giggling. "Baby, you know I wasn't actually, like, trying to act possessive, I was-" Frank cut him off, kissing along his jaw. 

"Shut up." he said as he stepped back. "I kinda like it when you get jealous." Gerard tilted his head. "But you gotta know that there's no competition." Frank finished quietly. He reached up to push back a strand of Gee's hair. Gerard beamed down at him, and Frank tried not to stare back too adoringly, because he probably looked like a complete freak. "But yeah, this dude was checking me out and everything. He _winked_ at me, Gee. He was totally cute too-" 

Frank laughed and darted to the side to avoid another of Gerard's swipes. 

"Not as cute as you, though." he called, running off down the path until Gerard squealed about the shadows and scooted forwards to catch up. 

Frank grabbed Gerard's hand again when they were nearing the top of the track. He held on for all he was worth, because there was a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach which made him feel kind of like he might float away if he didn't attach himself somehow. He had moments like these sometimes. More towards the beginning of their relationship, but it still hit him occasionally; like right now; when he would just get knocked over by this wave of 

**_I love you, I love you, I love you._ **

They didn't talk much about Mikey. The past week had continued to be surreal. It felt almost fuzzy looking back on it. After Mikey's first night at the hospital, he'd been in bed most of the time when Frank was around. They played video games on Friday, but the motion of the game fucked with Mikey's nausea, so they left it after a while. Surprisingly, work had been almost bearable. He focussed on the repetitive, menial tasks, and tried his best to ignore his brain. Some of the time it even worked. Most of all he was just glad he wasn't sitting around at home worrying. 

Right now, he was feeling okay, hand warm in Gerard's, walking up to his favourite spot in New Jersey. 

"We're here, Gee." Frank said softly, sliding an arm around Gerard's waist. Gee immediately responded, throwing an arm around Frank's shoulders. 

"What is it?" he said, peering at the tall hedge Frank was pointing at. Frank led Gee forwards and nodded to a dark gap right in the centre. 

"You first, sweetheart." he said, pushing at the small of Gerard's back. He frowned but edged forwards all the same. He shuddered when damp leaves brushed his neck. "Keep going, you'll see it in a second." said Frank, following Gee into the hedge.

He knew Gerard had made it to the other side when he heard a small gasp. He almost ran into Gerard's back. 

"Frankie..." breathed Gee, stepping aside and tearing his eyes away from the sight in front of him. "it's so beautiful." he turned back, holding out a hand for Frank to take as he, too, emerged through the bushes. 

They stood together, looking out over the field rolling out before them. It was cut short at the bottom by a line of trees, followed by highway 95, trailing red and white beams into the night. Frank wondered where all those people were going at one in the morning. In the distance, the Passaic River sparkled with city lights. 

"I can't believe I've never been up here." said Gerard quietly. Frank smiled and shook his head. 

"It is kinda illegal." Frank felt Gee nodding next to him. "See over there," said Frank, pointing to the bottom of the field. Gerard nodded. "That whole thing is the industrial estate. It's actually pretty gross during the day. Night time's always best."

"Duh." said Gerard, dropping his head back and gasping for a second time. "Frankie, the stars!" Frank made sure not to roll his eyes, even though Gee couldn't him if he did. Instead he pressed himself against Gerard's side and leant his head on his shoulder. 

"Want to at least _sit down_ to look at the stars, baby?" 

***

They walked back in the early hours of the morning, arms draped around each other. It was still cold, but Frank barely felt it. 

"Mom wanted me to ask if you can maybe come to one of Mikey's chemo sessions next week." said Gerard as the dirt track spilt onto asphalt. They passed under a streetlamp and Frank blinked into the light.  

"Woah, uh, Gee I'd love to-" Frank scratched at his hair, smoothing his fringe. "They're only during the week, yes?"

"Yep." Gerard said. Frank bit his lip. "It's actually a particular one, though. Next Wednesday or Thursday. Dad's not working so we were going to go have dinner at home all together if Mikes is feeling okay. Mom misses you, she wanted you to be there. You think you can sneak out a little earlier?" Frank didn't reply for a few seconds. He could feel Gerard tensing next to him. 

"I really don't know how I can get out of the house for a dinner." Frank said quietly. Gerard paused, then slipped his arm off Frank's shoulder and crossed it over his chest before continuing to walk. "Don't be like that, baby. It's not my fault my mom's a psycho. I'm like Shia in motherfucking 'Disturbia', remember?" Gerard sighed and nodded. 

"I know. It's not your fault." They skirted puddles as they laced through the houses on the main streets. "What about the hospital, then? All you gotta do is call sick for like, half a day, right..."

"Baby, I need this job. You know what they're like about shit like that. We'd just be in a waiting room for a while anyway, though, wouldn't we? Mikes knows I'm totally here for him I just can't afford to-"

"He really misses you already, you know." Gerard said sharply. Frank took a deep breath. 

"I miss little dude, too."

"I know." 

They walked in silence for a few minutes. As they neared Gerard's street, Frank suddenly felt the full impact of the cold. He shivered. Gerard didn't seem to notice. 

"I thought-" Gerard began, then trailed off. Frank glanced up at him and waited. 

"What?"

"Never mind." 

"No, what?" said Frank, keeping his voice measured.

_Be strong. Be calm. Be patient._

His new mantra. 

Gee sighed again. 

"I thought you'd want to find a way to go with him. It's only been a week and he's already- He's not feeling good."

"I know that, Gerard."

Another silence. 

This one lasted until they reached the driveway.

"Gee." 

Gee paused on the sidewalk and raised an eyebrow in response. 

"You know I would come if-"

"Frank, it's not like you're exactly the model son, or anything. You sneak out all the fucking time, what's one more evening? Plus, I doubt a fucking pizza place give a shit if you miss a couple shifts. Say it's a family emergency." Gerard was stopped at the edge of the yard, shoulders hunched against the cold. Frank's eyebrows knitted. 

"Baby, if I lose this job-"

"Frank, this isn't a motherfucking  _flu shot_ or some shit." Gerard said, uncrossing his arms. Frank noticed his clenched fists. Gerard took a step backwards onto the grass. Frank didn't follow. 

He was about to go on the defensive. He could feel it building. He took a deep breath through his nose, fixing his eyes on Gerard. Before he could open his mouth, his boyfriend was speaking again. 

"Like, you guys aren't going to be able to hang out for _ages,_ Frankie. Do you even get it? It's like you don't fucking care." Frank's mouth opened, pinpricks bursting along his eyelids. Gerard didn't stop, he didn't even look at Frankie. "Even when your mom un-grounds you, you'll be at work all day. That shit they're pumping into Mikes means he's not going to be around to hang out if you just make these fucking night time visits. He can barely stick it out during the day. Who fucking knows what it will be like on his second cycle. If- If you gave a shit then maybe you'd try harder to-" _  
_

There it was.

The crack in his voice. All at once, the sparks of anger died. He saw Gee's shoulder's slump; his black hair falling over his face as he dropped his head. 

"He needs you." said Gerard as the tears began to run down his face. Frank stepped forwards. "He needs you, Frankie."

Frank could hear Gerard loud and clear, but as the words filtered through to his brain , and all he heard was " _ **I**  _need you." He said nothing. Ignoring the sting in his chest, he closed the rest of the distance. He tugged Gerard's wrists from his face and threaded his arms around him so he could rest his head on his shoulder. 

"Don't cry, beautiful." he murmured. 

"What if this is the only chance, Frankie. What if he just gets more and more tired, and it all stops working and he just-"

"Shh." said Frank. He drew back sharply, ignoring Gerard's whimper. "Stop. We're not thinking like that." 

"I can't-" Gerard clutched at Frank's hoodie. He mumbled something unintelligible and then just stared at Frank as the tears streamed from his eyes. 

"Don't look at me like that, Gerard." said Frank, forcing himself not to succumb to the warm burn under his eyelids. He blinked and took a deep breath, running his hands down Gerard's arms. "Listen to me. It's not that I don't want to come. I just-"

Frank wasn't about to list all the little reasons to Gerard. Like the fact that hospitals freaked him out, despite the disproportionate amount of time he spent in them. Nor was he going to admit that they reminded him of visits to his father when Frank was just a kid, nor that the smell in those waiting rooms was enough to make him puke on the spot. 

Instead, Frank told Gerard the truth. The other truth. The real one.  

"I refuse to make this feel like it's the last chance I'll get to hang out with him." Frank forced the words out quickly so he didn't waver. "Because it  _won't be._ " Gee wrapped his arms around Frank and pulled him close, just in time to smother the teardrops dampening Frank's eyelashes. 

Frank didn't trust himself to speak, but he knew that they should probably get off the front yard some time soon. He prized himself out of Gee's hands and dragged him up to the porch steps. He grimaced at the sound of Gerard's pitchy breathing. They stopped by the front door, Frank pulled them down on the porch step. In a flash of pictures, he suddenly remembered a weird parallel of this image, six or seven months ago, on his porch steps, when he kissed Gerard for the first time...

"Gerard, baby, you're hyperventilating a little, alright. Don't work yourself up. I want you to look at me. I'm right here. Mikey's right inside, and he's just fine. He's doing okay. Please, don't panic." he swept Gee's hair from his eyes and swiftly pulled him close, muttering things into his hair intermittently. "You're safe, my angel." he whispered, noticing that Gerard's death grip on the front of Frank's hoodie was loosening. The streetlamps began to flicker as Gerard calmed himself down. He coughed a couple of times, and on a final shaky breath, he looked at Frankie. To his surprise, Gee was smiling a little. 

"' _my angel_ _'?"_ he said with a weak giggle. Frank rolled his eyes and shrugged. 

"It's what you are, asshole. Don't be a dick." he said gently, dabbing at Gee's face with his sleeves. Gerard giggled again and then fended Frank off. 

"I'm fine, babe, thank you." he said, shifting on the step before getting to his feet. Frank stood too, shoving his hands in his pockets. He watched Gerard shuffle over to the front door and search for his keys. Frank checked his phone. He had a couple of safe hours, but he should probably head home. He was going to get a cold in this shitty not-summer-at-all weather, and Gee could do with some rest himself. Lack of sleep was doing nothing for either of them. He was ready to turn down the porch steps when the click of the door met his ears, followed by a squeaky, vaguely disgruntled noise from his darling boyfriend. He turned around. 

"What?" he said in mock irritation. Gee narrowed his eyes.

"Where do you think you're going." he said. There was an impressive level of sass in his tone for a dude who'd been sobbing his guts out for the past ten minutes. He ruined it a little by rubbing his sleeve over his face and blinking like a confused owl. Frank grinned up at him. 

"Home, my _angel_." he said, batting his eyelashes and clutching his hands together over his chest. "Because I need to let my _angel_ get his beauty rest." Gerard grimaced.

"That one better not catch on." he muttered. Frank snorted, then frowned when Gerard made an exaggerated gesture at him. 

"What does _that_ mean?" Frank stage whispered.

"It means come here and kiss me, please, motherfucker."

***

"You're good at that." muttered Gerard into Frank's back. 

"I should fucking hope so." Frank replied, nestling against the pillow and refusing to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes he might see how close to morning it was. And that meant going home.  _And_  going to work. No thanks. He shouldn't have stayed. Gerard would be super over-tired now, and it wouldn't help his worrying. Frank, also, was going to be over tired for work, and it would do absolutely nothing for his mood. 

Gerard sniggered, breath sending chills down Frank's spine. He didn't know where the blankets had gone, but they most certainly were not in the vicinity.  

"Not  _that."_ Gee murmured, lips soft against Frank's bare shoulder blade. He ghosted his fingers along Frank's hips. Frank twitched.

"Rude." mumbled Frankie, eyes still closed. 

"Well... you're good at _that_ too." said Gerard, shifting away from Frank and slapping at his ass. 

"Fucking loser." muttered Frank.

"What I  _meant_ was that you're good at taking my mind off stuff." he said softly. Frank finally opened his eyes and rolled over to face his boyfriend. He reached to hold Gerard's hand.

"I wish I didn't have to." he said. 

"Yeah." Gee leant down and pressed his lips to Frank's temple. "Me too." 

Frank closed his eyes again. He heard Gerard moving around. 

"Also," Gerard said, sounding a little distant. Frank cracked one eye and saw him lying on the other end of the bed. "I'm sorry I said that you didn't give a shit earlier. It was awful. I know that you do." Frank reached over to pat Gerard's legs, which were now opposite Frank's face.

"I know, sweetheart."

"We're all doing our best." Gerard said softly. "I promise not to take my shit out on you like that again."

A full apology from Gerard Way. If the situation had been any different, Frank might have made a joke. But instead, he just pushed himself up, and crawled over to Gerard. He curled himself into Gee's chest, kissing lightly at his collarbone before he spun himself around and closed his eyes again. 

Gerard's breathing evened out, he draped an arm over Frank, holding him close.

Frank was, regretfully, working up the energy to slip out of bed and put his clothes back on. He sighed and shifted a little, but froze when Gee began to speak.

"I literally don't know where I would be without you." he said. It was quiet, and normal sounding, like a throwaway comment. Maybe it was. Maybe it shouldn't have made Frank's heart thump so hard in his chest.

"You'd be doing just fine, baby." he replied. He felt Gerard shake his head, but didn't protest further. Frank pursed his lips. He knew he should pick Gerard up now. He should give him another speech about how strong he was, and how proud he made Frank. But he heard Gerard snuffling into his back and begin to turn over sleepily, and he didn't have the willpower to start an argument. 

Because any time you try to boost Gee's self esteem, you were setting yourself up against a full scale resistance. Frank hoped they could work on that, but maybe not right now. 

Right now they just wanted to lie in each others' arms and forget about everything, but they didn't even have time for that.

"Just sleep, beautiful." he whispered as Gerard's soft snoring finally filled the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this chapter but I want to give you guys somethin cause I'm back at school tomorrow and god knows what my posting schedule's gonna be like after that...  
> ***  
> I'll try do better RIP me  
> ***  
> Next two chapters are gon be eventful I think, this is a warmup :)  
> Hope ur all doing good xo


	6. You Are The Blood In My Veins

Frank listened in the hallway for a good few minutes, trying to detect any sound from downstairs. He was late for work, and his mom hadn't been in to wake him. This meant one of two things, she'd gone to work early herself, or she was too mad at him to bother. After carefully opening his door and straining to hear any signs of life, he was beginning to believe it was the former, which would be a relief to say the least. He checked his phone and sighed. 

Thursday. 

The Ways' family dinner was tomorrow. If Frank hadn't been such a raging homosexual, then his parents might not have confiscated his human rights, and he might have been able to accept his boyfriend's dinner invitation. Then again, if he wasn't gay then he probably wouldn't have a boyfriend in the first place, so perhaps that particular avenue of wishful thinking was a little redundant. 

Even though he was 90% sure the house was empty, he still edged down the stairs with caution. His concentration only slipped as he neared the final step. In his effort to avoid the sight of his DIMITRI'S tee in the hallway mirror, he was distracted just long enough to miss the kitchen door opening. He almost walked directly into a slim figure standing in the doorway. 

"Good morning, Frank."

Frank started, and immediately tried to pretend that he hadn't. 

"Mom. Hi, Sorry, I'm late, i've just got to-"

"I know you're late, Frankie." she sighed, stepping to the side to allow Frank into the kitchen. "I'm going to drive you, sweetheart. My train's delayed and I don't want you speeding around town, alright." she said, clicking over to the fridge in her heels. Frank blinked. 

"Uh, thank you." he said, inflection rising at the end so it sounded more like a question than a genuine expression of gratitude. His mother's abrupt manner as she closed the fridge indicated that she'd noticed. She said nothing, walking over to Frank with a plate and a small brochure, placing it in front of him with a tight smile. He took the hint and sat down at the table.  

"I'll drive you in just a moment. I'm just going to get my bag, but I'd like you to look at this, Frankie. I picked it up from Barbra." she said, pointing a midnight blue nail at the brochure sitting next to Frank's pancake. He looked at her blankly. "It's a leaflet on late college application." she said, raising an eyebrow. "It's September first tomorrow, sweetheart. We've only got a year to get your SATs re-taken if you want to get serious about this." she said, tapping out of the room. Frank stared at the evil piece of folded paper and sighed. His mother's footsteps were dulled, but still audible upstairs. He wondered if she'd been lying silently in wait for him all morning. He wondered if the trains were delayed at all. He picked up the cold pancake and shoved most of it into his mouth as grotesquely as possible. He wasn't in the mood to start a fight this morning. 

***

The car stalled twice on the way out of the driveway. Frank bit down on his lip ring, holding back his laughter with everything he had. Aside from that, the drive was uneventful. His mother made the odd attempt at conversation, but gave up soon enough. 

Frank was glad when they pulled into Dimitri's. He mumbled a goodbye and was halfway out of the door when his mother stopped him. 

"Frankie." 

He sat back, hand still on the handle. 

"Could you close the door for a second, please?"

"Mom, I'm, like, super late-"

"Then I'm sure another second or so won't hurt." she said, tapping a manicured hand on the steering wheel. Ha. The next time she was hurrying him out of the house he'd remind her that she said that. Frank held her gaze for a touch longer than was probably safe, then closed the door and folded his arms. 

"Sweetheart, I just wanted to say that i'm... I'm really proud of the way you've been behaving for the past week. I feel like we've really turned a corner."

Frank raised his eyebrow. He couldn't help it. 

"- and I think, if we could just keep this streak of good behaviour going, then there's no end to the things you could achieve, Frankie. You're a clever boy, and when all this..." she gestured to Frank, who just stared at her. "all this  _silliness._ I think you'd be so much happier..."

Frank sniggered internally.

"- and so much more successful-"

Ah. There it is. Success. Frank's had that word shoved in his general direction ever since he could interpret language. They'd let it drop over the past year. After he screwed up both SATs and nearly got kicked out of school, the new buzzword had become 'Graduate.' Just graduate. That had been his goal. Then there was the whole gay situation, so... Frank guesses that the unspoken buzzword would have been something along the lines of 'ABSTAIN'...

But now his parents had convinced themselves that Frank was going through nothing more than a particularly rebellious phase, easily rectified by weekly sessions at Group, it seemed about time that they picked up on the old goal again. Succeed. The worst part was that this shouldn't be such a bad thing for a parent to teach their kid; to strive for success in life. Success could be anything; exceeding in the kid's preferred field, the kid finding a partner, the kid being  _happy;_  whatever.Frank would count any of those things as pretty good goals to shoot for. It was just that, his mother saw success in a very specific way. 

Success, in his mother's dictionary, meant  _respectable_  success. Something she could brag to the other moms at church about. Something she could use as proof to Grandma that Frank wasn't the spawn of Satan himself. It was no coincidence that, when Frank was a kid and Mrs. Brown came to church brandishing her son's trampolining certificate; his mother barked at him for a week about his inability to pursue sports. 

"It's essential that you learn to play as a team if you want to succeed in life, Frankie." she would say to him. 

Trampolining wasn't even a fucking team sport. 

Frank wasn't sure if his father had the same standpoint. Frank wasn't sure if his father had a standpoint at all. All Frank knew was that his father was perfectly happy to join in the weekly lecturing over dinner, pushing Frank to ' _reach his potential'._

His potential to become a trophy son. He wasn't going to say anything, but he was pretty sure that ship had sailed. 

"-It's why it's so important that you start to take control of your life. You need to do these things for _yourself,_ darling." she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He eyed her arm and then returned his gaze to her face. She removed it fairly quickly after that. "You're not always going to have me there to hand you leaflets and force you to get on track. I don't know what you're expecting to do all year, but if you want to move out then you're going to have to give these things some consideration-"

"So..." Frank said quickly. His mother blinked as her brain caught up with the fact that she'd been interrupted. "I don't suppose you've got any plans to, like, let me out of the house at some point?" he said. 

"Frank." she said. It was a warning which Frank heeded. "Your father and I were going to talk to you about this when he got back from New York. We have a lot of things to discuss..." Frank went to cut in again and Mrs. Iero raised a hand. " _but_ the main thing is we _are_  planning on lifting your punishment next week, so long as you keep up this good behaviour until then."

"Really?" Frank said. Surely if they were willing to set him free from house arrest, then he was going to be able to move out sooner than he'd hoped. 

"Yes, Frank." Mrs. Iero frowned at Frank's expression. "Don't get too excited." she said. "The rest of the punishment still applies. You've got to pay for the apartment, but your father would like to help you. He knows about real estate, darling, and you need to be in the right kind of area. He's thinking of scheduling some visits here in Kearny for the new year. 

Frank's face fell. The new year. January. He was expected to stay at home until _Ja_ _nuary._

"Woah, woah, Mom. Hold up-" he said, raising his hands in front of him. "That's super nice of him and everything, but I've kind of done some looking around and I have a pretty good idea of-"

"I don't want to hear this, Frank." His mother sighed, smoothing her skirt down. "Your father is going to take some time out of work to help you find the perfect place, and I'll be happy to help too. You need to accept that you're not the expert on this kind of thing-"

"Mom, there's no way I'm waiting until January." he said. "Last time we talked about this you said it would be  _October."_

 _"_ Things change, Frank." she snapped. Frank could feel his chest tightening, the cold sheet of panic settling in the pit of his stomach. "We're trying to help you, and that's all I want to hear on the subject. Now- don't interrupt me!- You're very late, so I'll let you go, but there's one other thing. I'm not going to be here when you get home. I'm staying in New York with your auntie while Dad's on his business trip. I'm having this conversation with you today only because I want to believe that I can trust you on your own until Sunday evening. There's food in the fridge, and some money in the sugar jar if you need it."

"Wait. You're going to New York?" said Frank slowly. "Until Sunday."

"Yes, Frank. I wish you would  _listen."_ she said, putting the car into first gear. "I'm sorry it's such short notice. Your Aunt Sam just emailed me yesterday and I've been waiting to hear from your father about travel arrangements. It's all sorted now, so- like I said- I'm going to trust you to stick to our agreement until I get back. No friends, no trips out other than for work and for Group; got it?" 

Frank nodded dumbly, trying to make sense of the swirl of emotions hitting his brain. 

"Alright then." she said, reaching over Frank to open his door for him. "Go and apologise to your boss for me, tell him we were having an important chat." she said with a smile. Frank nodded again and began to step out of the car. It was moving before he'd even fully closed the door. His mother waved through the window on her way out of the parking lot, leaving a baffled Frank staring after her. 

***

Mikey called Frank at about lunchtime. He was in the car on the way to the hospital. Over the past couple of weeks Mikey had learnt Frank's break patterns off by heart, and, when he could, he called before he went in for Chemo.  Frank updated him about his mother's speech that morning, and about how he might be trapped in his house until fucking January. Mikey made sympathetic noises, and told him about this nurse who he was pretty sure had a crush on him. Frank laughed. 

"Good news, dude!" said Frank. "Mom's out of the fucking state until Sunday. I can totally come to dinner tomorrow night. Think you'll be up for it?" 

"What the fuck?" said Mikey. He sounded a little croaky, but that was the worst of it. "That's awesome, have you told Gee yet?"

"Nah, man, I'll talk to him tonight."

"Oh, shit. I'll make sure I'm up for it. Woah- I- Mom-" he said, then the speaker went muffled, like he was covering it with his hands. "Here, Frankie, you're on speaker. Mom, say hi." he muttered. 

"Hi, Frankie, darling." Mrs. Way said, voice squeaking over the line. Frank grinned at once. 

"Hey, Mrs. Way."

"How are you, honey? I've missed having you around; keeping us all amused." Frank laughed

"Well, I should be back in a week. The Boss is lifting my sentence if I can keep myself in line for seven more days." he said. Mrs Way made a whooping noise. Frank laughed again and heard Mikey mumbling something about his ears. 

"Okay, Frankie, you're back off speaker." he said. "Mom says bye and... see you tomorrow for dinner." 

"Awh, tell her I say thanks." Frank heard Mikey speaking to Mrs Way, and then his breath rushing over the mic again. 

"Hey, dude, if you have to wait until January is your friend still going to hold that apartment for you?" he said. Frank paused, running his free hand through his hair a couple of times. 

"I don't know, man." Frank dug his memory for everything Evan had told him two weeks ago. 

"He said it was an attic apartment in Belleville; it belongs to his friend who's been wanting to let it out for like, three years, so he's kinda desperate. To be honest, I think i'm fucked if he gets another offer before I accept." Frank replied, rubbing his neck.  

"Shit. So you might lose it."

"I guess so." Frank said. "It would be such a fucking bummer though, dude. I mean, the place is like  _two hundred bucks_ cheaper than everywhere else. Without Gee there to help me pay, I could really fucking use the extra money."

"Woah, wait." said Mikey after a moment. "Without Gee's help?"

Fuck. 

Frank shouldn't have said that.

"Dude, I-"

"He's not moving in with you anymore? Did something happen?"

"Mikes, I meant to tell you, we just-"

"What the fuck happened, I-" Frank could hear Mrs Way saying something on the other end of the phone. There was dead air for a few seconds and Mikey sighed. "Frank. What's going on?"

"Gee just wanted to stay home for another few months. He's not ready yet. There's no point forcing him to go somewhere if it'll make him miserable." Frank said. Silence again. "Mikey?"

"You're lying." he said. Mrs. Way's soft voice hummed through the speaker again. Mikey spoke over her. "He's staying for me, isn't he." The blank quality to his voice was something it took years of practice to distinguish from Mikey's other tones. 

"Mikes, don't-"

"It's fine. I have to go, okay? See you tomorrow." he said. The dial tone was buzzing into Frank's ear before he had time to reply. 

***

It had never felt so good to step out of his doorway before. Frank stood on his porch steps at 7:19 pm and took a deep breath. His mom was gone. He had a whole 48 hours before his parents were even going to be in New Jersey again... and even though he wasn't planning on doing anything exciting, it was nice just to be standing outside on his own some time before 11pm. 

On the way over to the Way's he forced himself not to worry that he'd upset Mikey. He'd just told the truth. It was the right thing to do. Mikes would understand after he had some time to think about it. 

That was what Frank tried to tell himself anyway. 

The streets had dried out, and it wasn't even too cold on the walk over there. Frank patted his pocket for the fifth time to make sure he still had his keys. He had no idea how he would explain a broken window to his parents if he locked himself out. 

Frank turned onto Gee's street and his heart sank when he saw that Mikey's light was out. 

He walked up the driveway and knocked on the front door. He heard the TV switch off and the lock clicked. He was greeted by Mrs. Way's smiling face. 

"Frank, honey, dinner's not until tomorrow." she said, pulling him into a tight hug. Frank squeezed back and was nodding before they separated. 

"I know, I just wanted to hang sometime before midnight for once, parents out and whatever..." he said, stepping inside and then following Mrs. Way into the kitchen. She gave him a knowing smile and tapped her nose, then turned to the cupboard with a loud sigh. 

"Well, that boyfriend of yours is in a strop downstairs." she said, bustling around the kitchen. Frank laughed. It didn't surprise him. "Coffee, honey?" Mrs. Way said, waving a mug. He nodded. 

"Why's that?"

"Oh, he and Mikey managed to have an argument." she muttered, back to Frank as she fired up the coffee machine. "I swear, these boys see each other for two hours a day and they still manage to get into their damned altercations." she said with a shake of the head. Then she turned back to Frank as the machine began to grind away. "One day they'll both grow up, I think." Frank smiled at her, but he was sure his sudden uneasiness showed in his eyes. He was pretty sure he knew what they'd been arguing about.

"Is Mikes-"

"He's resting, yes." she said delicately, running her brown eyes over Frank. He forced himself not to shrink under her gaze. They stood for a moment, just looking at each other, and then Mrs. Way turned around to pour the coffee. Frank noticed her pouring a third mug too and he smiled. She was no doubt predicting that the smell would lure Gerard out of his cave sooner or later. Frank jumped a little when Mrs. Way walked towards him.

Fuck, he was jittery today.

"Now you listen to me, Frankie." Mrs. Way said, handing Frank his mug. He nodded his thanks and looked at her. She placed a hand gently on his shoulder. "Don't be upset about your little conversation in the car today. You know what MikeyWay is like. He hates to feel like he's holding you boys back. It's not easy for him at the moment, but I don't want you to blame yourself." she said softly. Frank closed his eyes, fighting the strong surge of something bittersweet washing through him. When he opened his eyes Mrs. Way was smiling at him kindly. "You're such a good boy." she said, planting a kiss on his forehead before returning to the counter. Frank took a deep breath and ignored the rush of water to his eyes, blinking it away with a long sniff. He was too busy exhaling to the count of ten to notice a smile light Mrs. Way's eyes as she glanced in the direction of the doorway. So, for the hundredth time that day, Frank jumped when a pair of arms slipped around his waist. He squeaked, almost dropping coffee all over himself. 

"Gee! Give a dude some warning." he said, holding his mug carefully out to the side. 

"Sorry, babe." Gerard said, stepping out from behind Frank and leaning against the kitchen table. Mrs Way wordlessly handed her son his mug of coffee and headed to the doorway. She turned around as Gerard thanked her and slipped his free arm around Frank. 

"My boys." Mrs Way muttered under her breath, holding her own mug to her chest and smiling fondly from the other side of the kitchen. Frank leant into Gerard's side and took a sip of his coffee. When he next looked up, they were alone. 

***

Frank had Gerard pinned up against the wall as soon as they hit the basement. 

"Can't fucking believe you, hands all over me with your own mother in the room." he breathed into Gerard's neck, drawing the soft skin between his teeth. Gerard's breath hitched and he ran his hand under the hem of Frank's tee. 

"Not my fault your ass looks so good in those jeans." mumbled Gerard. He sounded far-off, running his fingers torturously lightly over Frank's skin. Frank pressed a kiss to the already-purpling mark under Gee's jaw. Frank looked up and saw that Gerard wasn't even looking at him. 

"Hey, baby." Frank said softly, rolling his hips up against Gerard's legs. "Your mom said you were having a kinda hard afternoon." he breathed against Gerard's shoulder. He was pleased to feel a shudder run down Gee's body. 

"Yeah." he croaked.

"Yeah?" Frank said, placing his hands on Gerard's waist. "Anything I can do to, uh, make you feel better?" he whispered. When he looked up, he was met with an amused gaze from Gerard. 

"You could maybe  _not_ sound like the beginning of a cheap porno?" he said, moving his fingers along Frank's back. Frank scowled and shifted his leg against Gerard's crotch. He sniggered when his boyfriend's head fell back against the wall. 

"Asshole." Gerard said. Frank grinned and waited until Gerard looked at him again. He bit his lip and stroked the side of Gerard's face. 

"Really, you okay, beautiful?" he asked, cocking his head. Gerard's eyes flickered closed for a moment and he nodded. "You sure?" Frank said, slipping his hand off Gee's face and down over his ribs. He loved feeling Gerard up close like this. It didn't even matter what they were doing. He just felt warm here; safe.

"With you all the way, sugar." Gerard replied with a slow grin. Frank raised an eyebrow at him, his hand landing at the hem of Gerard's tee-shirt. 

"Get this off right the fuck now." 

"Brat." said Gee, but he obliged, sighing as Frank press himself into his chest. 

"I'm the brat?" said Frank, letting Gerard tug him off the wall and across the room to his desk. "I think you know that's not true, Princess." he said, pushing Gerard's sketchbook aside and shuffling onto the tabletop. Gee gasped as Frank slipped a thigh between his own. Frank let him move for a few moments and then he put a hand on his chest. "Stop, baby." he murmured. Gee whined high in his throat as Frank brushed his open mouth over Gerard's collarbone and up to his ear. His lips pulled into a smile as he felt Gerard obey him. 

He leant back, one hand steadying himself, and the other sliding from Gerard's neck into his hair. The light in the room was dim, but Frank could see the glimmer of Gerard's eyes; clear like glass; and the light sheen of sweat breaking over his pale skin. He looked ghostly in the shadow. Frank breathed out slowly and watched while Gerard started to squirm a little.  

"Can you stay still for me, Princess?" he said, voice low. Gerard's eyes slipped closed and he nodded. Frank brought his hand down to cup Gerard's face, thumb resting on his bottom lip. Gerard's eyes snapped open and found Frank's. The contact was searing. Frank bit his tongue. 

"Look at you." he whispered, moving his thumb just slightly over Gerard's lip. "Prettiest boy I've ever seen. I can't believe you're mine, baby. Still can't believe I ever got this lucky. Fuck, I wish you could see yourself." he said, leaning forwards to replace his thumb with his lips. He kissed Gerard for a moment, but pulled back almost at once, earning himself another unhappy noise. He hushed Gee, pressing a finger to his lips, before sliding his hand down, over Gerard's chest and then around to the small of his back. Gerard basically whimpered as Frank pulled him closer. 

"Nice and still, that's right, baby." he whispered against Gerard's skin. "Just for a moment. God, you're so perfect-"

Gee's breathing was erratic, his hands hovering by Frank's thighs. Frank took a breath and looked at the ceiling, feeling Gee's blood pulsing under his fingers. He didn't doubt that he could go crazy like this. He brought his head back down and swept his eyes over his boyfriend and figured that he was totally fine with that. He pressed his mouth to Gerard's chest, sucking another pink mark above his collar bone. Then he slid along Gerard's neck, once again feeling the blood pumping fast just under his skin. Frank moaned in the back of his throat and pushed both of his hands into Gerard's hair. 

"Kiss me." he said breathlessly. Gerard did. It was messy and a little desperate even though they'd barely started. Gerard's lips were hot and soft and so familiar against Frank's. He could feel his heart racing out of his chest, his back arched forwards as Gerard sucked on his tongue. He had to pull away, he wasn't sure if he could wait much longer. Words streamed from his lips as soon as they separated from Gee's.

"You're so good for me, baby. So good. Everything I've ever wanted, right in front of me- holy shit- I love your mouth. Fucking love your mouth so much." Frank ran his fingers over Gerard's wet lips. "So beautiful." he mumbled. He got caught there for a second, staring at his hand on Gerard's face. And then, like a tape hitting fast forward, it suddenly wasn't anywhere close to enough. "Move for me, baby." he said.  

"Frankie." Gerard moaned, letting his hips snap forwards twice in quick succession. 

"That's it, Princess. You look so hot; so pretty. Too good for me." Frank said, pressing a clumsy kiss to the corner of Gerard's mouth, before suddenly spinning them around. Gee gasped as he found himself pressed up against the table. Frank ran a hand along Gerard's jaw, and caught his eyes. He held his gaze as he dropped slowly to the floor, only letting it fall to fight Gerard's jeans off him. Gerard didn't even have the capacity to help, his eyes were blown out; red lips parted slightly. Frank growled deep in his throat at the sight. 

"You have no idea what you look like." he breathed, fisting his hand around Gerard's cock and jerking him quickly. "I want you to fuck me so hard later. I don't want to be able to walk. Don't even want to be able to stand tomorrow. Want all of you- fuck." he breathed as Gee's stomach muscles tensed. "Not fucking yet." he whispered, pulling his hand off at once. Gerard sighed, almost collapsing onto the desk. Frank's eyes flicked upwards as he sat back onto his heels. A grin flitted over his face. "How long can you wait, baby." he murmured. Gerard looked stricken as he blinked down at Frank. 

"Please, Frankie." he said weakly. "Please, baby." 

"Come on, Princess." said Frank with a smile, running his finger lightly along Gerard's inner thigh. Gee bit his lip and shook the hair out of his face. "You're so good. Tell me how long you can wait?"

"Frankie." Gerard mumbled. "I need it, baby, please." Frank raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh, you _need_ it?" he murmured, kneeling up again until his face was almost resting on Gerard's hip bone. "How much do you need it?" and then Gerard moaned long and loud, coming over Frank's chest in thick stripes. "Fuck." he breathed, slumping onto the desk. Frank sat back, looking up into his boyfriend's lidded eyes. He ran his hand over his chest slowly, then licked from his palm to each fingertip, before getting to his feet. Gerard reached for him, pulling him into his arms.

"You're gross." he mumbled into Frankie's hair.  

"Well... I didn't get to suck your dick, so... best I got." said Frank, giggling as Gerard tried to tickle him. He gave up soon enough, dragging Frank over to the bed. They lay there for a few seconds, Frank shifting in his pants. 

"Hey, baby." Gerard said. "I kinda wanna shower." 

"That's new." laughed Frank, palming himself a little through his jeans. 

"No, like, I kinda wanna fuck you in the shower. Like, up against the wall. Can you wait or do you want me to suck you off first?" Gerard asked, turning onto his side and running his hand up and down Frank's chest. Frank took a deep breath.

"I'll wait." he said, taking his hand off his dick. "Or I'll try." he said with a giggle as Gerard climbed on top of him. "No promises."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh I gave the smut another go. Ignore it if it's shit I guess.... :)  
> ***  
> Back to school. End my motherfucking life.  
> ***  
> xo


	7. Wild Horses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break kids, been super busy xo  
> ***  
> How you all doing?

The car was silent on the way home from Mikey’s chemo session. Gerard clung to Frank’s hand and didn’t let go. Mikey was asleep as soon as they hit the highway, head lolling against the passenger seat. Mrs Way reached over occasionally to run a hand gently over her son’s face. Mikey didn’t stir. Frankie pretended not to notice Gerard pointedly looking away.

He felt strangely calm as rain began to fall outside. The radio crackled. Mrs Way let the static play out as they sped towards Kearny.

Watching the Ways that day had been like nothing Frank had ever experienced. Contrary to his expectations, the day hadn’t been filled with saturated silences. Even the waiting room had been bearable. Most importantly, though; Frank hadn’t felt like an intruder. Back when Gee had first told him that Mikey was sick, that had been his main fear: that he wouldn’t be welcome among his second family anymore.

Maybe a simple trip to the hospital shouldn’t have been the thing to put these worries to bed, but it did. As Frank watched the Way brothers joking with each other in the waiting room- previous day’s arguments seemingly forgotten- something in his chest loosened. Mrs. Way scolded her boys as usual when she thought they were too loud; they ate their packed sandwiches as if they were around the kitchen table, not in a clinical white cafeteria; they chatted to Frank completely as usual. As Frank thought about it, he figured that this had shown him that- even in the epicentre of this shitty situation- life went on. It hit him with a dull punch. Frank had almost been nervous when a pale Mikey had emerged from the towering doo of the Day Ward, but Mrs. Way stepped forwards with wide arms. She smiled at him as if he was merely returning home from school.

Life went on.

And life would continue to go on until it didn’t anymore. Everyone knew it, but in this context, it was a weirdly calming thing to remember.

Everything was okay until it wasn’t. So, right then, as they drove through the beating September rain, everything was okay.

Frank stared out of the window and took a deep breath, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. Gee looked over at him and Frank gave him a smile, flickering his eyes over his face. Gerard frowned in question. Frank shook his head gently, then leant over to catch Gee’s mouth in a quick kiss. He drew back and looked into Gerard’s eyes a final time, before turning his attention back to the worsening weather outside. A few minutes later he felt the warm press of Gerard’s side against his. Frank shifted, placing an arm around Gee’s shoulder. When he caught Mrs. Way’s eye in the rearview mirror he offered her a sheepish smile. She just shook her head fondly and returned her gaze to the road.

Everything was fine.

***

Frank arrived home that evening after dinner glowing from the inside out. He hurried through the door, paying little mind to the light shining under the kitchen door, even though he was pretty sure he’d turned them off when he’d left yesterday. He ran upstairs without hesitation. He was going to change and grab his toothbrush, then head back to Gerard’s. Mrs. Way tried to offer Frank one of their spare toothbrushes to save him from walking all the way home, but Frank insisted. As much as he loved to stay with his boyfriend’s family, he also liked the comfort of his own stuff. Plus, he was dubious about the cleanliness of any clothes offered to him by Gerard Way.

He clattered around in the bathroom, grabbing a couple of things so he could safely stay at the Ways’ until Sunday. After washing his face and shoving his stuff into a bag, he was ready to head back downstairs. Hand on the door, he glanced longingly at Pansy. She was gathering dust in her stand by the window. Frank wished he’d been able to play a little more recently. He hummed to himself, then turned and left the room.

He was halfway down the stairs when he froze, one hand on the wall to steady himself, because at the bottom of the stairs stood a shadow, arms crossed over its chest. A shot of ice burnt through Frank’s body.

“Mom.” he said. “You’re back early.”

“Kitchen. Now.” she said curtly, turning on her heel and disappearing through the door. Frank stood motionless for a moment. His eyes flickered to the front door, but he knew had no choice but to follow her into the kitchen, and when he did, he wouldn’t be coming out again any time soon.

***

If matters couldn’t get any worse, Mr. Iero was sitting at the kitchen table when Frank shuffled into the room. He was pleased that he managed not to slam the door behind him. That feeling didn’t last long.

“I’m sorry, okay.” Frank said at once. He hoped he could appeal to his parents’ better nature, his punishment might be reduced. This, however, assumed that his parents had a better nature, and this was something Frank had doubted from the age of five. He walked further into the room when his mother beckoned, and then sat across from his father when she pulled the seat out for him. After a considerable silence, and one or two glances between Mr. and Mrs. Iero, Frank tried again. “I swear I wouldn’t have gone out if I didn’t have to. My friend’s sick, remember? I had to-“

“Save it Frank.” said his mother. His heart raced as he met her eyes and saw that there was nothing even close to forgiveness there. He was so, so fucked.

“We were this close to calling the police.” she hissed, holding her thumb and forefinger up to her face. At this Mr. Iero looked up from his newspaper. His briefcase was open at the edge of the table. As soon as he began to fold the paper sloppily, Frank knew he was drunk. Great. His father wasn't known for his sympathetic qualities at the best of times, let alone whilst intoxicated.

“Mom, I’m sorry, okay? I’ll- can I just- can we get this over with?” he sighed. He leant back in his chair, ignoring his father’s fuzzy gaze sliding over him. It was going to happen anyway, may as well try and avoid the lecture.

“Don’t speak to your mother like that.” he father said. His words weren’t quite slurred, but his voice was slow. Like syrup. Frank gritted his teeth.

“Sorry. I’m just tired.” he said.

“Well, maybe you wouldn’t be so tired if you weren’t running around god-knows-where at 10pm.” snapped his mother. “You’ve broken our trust again, Frank. You knew that I only left you at home because I thought I could place some responsibility with you, and I’m so disappointed. I really thought we might have been getting somewhere with Father Luke, but it’s clear that you are determined to disobey us at every-“

“Mom.” Frank said steadily. “I was just visiting Mikey. He’s sick, and I've said that I’m sorry.”

“I’ve heard ‘I’m sorry’ too many times, Frank. And if you think that excuse is getting you off the hook then you’re very much mistaken. I don't expect you to go directly against our word just because one of your little friends gets a cold-“ Frank’s eyes widened. He could feel his lungs burning. Suddenly the room felt too small. His father’s gaze was heavy on him, like a laser, and every fucking move his mother made- every breath, every annoying little hand movement- felt like an electric shock to his brain.

For some strange reason, an image of his mother flashed through his mind as he took a step to the left. An image of her when he was nine or ten, before he became a ‘problem child’. She used to like him then, or appeared to. His father even seemed to come home for a few hours on weekends back then. He blinked the fleeting images away. In their place, a string of words surfaced. Words in a soft, nasal voice. Words his boyfriend used to whisper to him at night as Frank cried himself to sleep.

**_> >>They didn’t change because of you, they changed because they didn’t understand that you wouldn’t be seven years old forever. They didn’t sign up for a kid with real opinions and views and a conscience. They wanted a cardboard cutout, Frankie. A little doll of a kid who they could dress up like a little church boy, and only bring him out on special occasions until they ship him off to law school. You're not that kid, babe. You’re not a cardboard cutout, and that’s something you shouldn’t trade for the fucking world.>>>_ **

He got to his feet, deciding immediately that this conversation was over. He was fed up of this shit, fed up of letting his parents tread all over him like this. He had a beautiful boyfriend, an amazing best friend, a loving second-family. If the people who were legally stuck with him couldn’t appreciate him for the person he was, then that was just fine. He had a few more months in this house, and then they never had to deal with him ever again. So fucking be it. He had no idea why- deep down- he was still letting their opinions matter to him. It was time for this to stop.

“Fuck you.” spat Frank, glaring at his mother with every ounce of the contempt he was feeling. Her eyebrows shot up and Frank could see her swelling up with a reply, when Mr. Iero decided to make another input.

“Apologise to your mother.” he said, slamming his hand onto the table. Frank rolled his eyes. The _melodrama_.

“You know what, I am not going to apologise.” he growled “Not this time. Mainly because i'm not sorry, but also because I am sick and fucking tired of being treated like shit just because I was unfortunate enough to be born into this household.”

Mrs. Iero gasped. Frank held her gaze, stomping at the butterflies in his stomach.

**_> >>It isn’t your fault, Frankie.>>>_ **

“Mikey does not have a _cold_ , Lucy.” he said. His mother flinched at the use of her name, and now his father was on his feet too- albeit not too steadily. Frank didn’t give Mr. Iero a chance to shift his slowed brain into gear. “My best friend has a very serious illness and- not that it’s any of your business- but It’s not certain that he’s going to survive it, okay?” Frank fought off the burn of tears. He refused to cry about this in front of them; about anything in front of them. Not this time. 

“He’s my best friend. Do you honestly expect me to just sit at home all day just because you and dad threw a sexuality tantrum? Like, three months ago? _Three months_ of house arrest ago. That’s fucking excessive. In fact, I think it might be illegal.” Frank cried, throwing his arms out. “So, tell grandma I joined the army or some shit. Feel free. Tell your church friends I died if it makes you feel better, just let me the fuck go. This is me fucking asking you nicely, to let me go. Let me move out in October, and we can get on with pretending we never knew each other.” he said.

Lucy was speechless, her hand resting on her chest, staring at Frank. Mr Iero tried to take a step forwards, but was abruptly stopped by the table. Frank sighed and turned towards the noise.

“Frank.” said his dad. Frank raised an eyebrow. “You lying little-“

“Lying?” Frank said, taking a deep, steadying breath and flooding his arms. His clear voice easily cut through his father’s mumbling rant. “What have I lied about, Dad?” he asked. At this point he was genuinely interested in what his father might have thought up.

“You.. You know just what I’m talking about.” his father growled. “All your… attention seeking… and then you dare make up fibs about your friend being dangerously ill. Don’t tempt God’s hand, Frank-“

“I don't understand this. How could you say such a thing to your own family.” his mother finally cut in. “And how could you make up such an awful thing about your friend?”

Frank genuinely laughed out loud. It was like talking to an incredibly unintelligent pair of preschoolers.

“What exactly makes you think I am lying about that particular detail?” he said, letting his eyes rest on his father’s briefcase. Something in the back of his mind flagged up at the sight, but his mother was replying before he could pursue it.

“Don’t you think I would have heard about it if one of the local boys was on the verge of death?” his mother said with a condescending tut. Frank’s blood boiled.

“Don’t _you_ think that, just maybe, people don’t tell you that kind of thing because you’re a heartless bitch and no one wants to come near you, let alone talk to you about their dying kids?” he shouted, hanging his head once he finished. ‘Too far, Frank. Way too far.’ he thought.

“Go to your room.” rumbled his father, pointing aggressively towards the door.

“Yeah, okay, I know where it is.” Frank spat, turning to go. He took a final look at his mother, and to his surprise, she was covering her mouth with her hand. He couldn’t work out if it was with shock or upset, but he didn’t hang around long enough to find out. His father crashed back down into his seat as Frank made it through the door. He breathed a sigh as he padded through the dark hallway. There was no point letting their shit get him wound up. He would just spend some of the evening blasting some Hardcore music, then get the fuck over to Gerard’s as soon as he could make it outside.

Of course though, it wouldn’t be that easy. Frank couldn’t catch a break. He should have known it was too good to be true that he was sent to his room so early in the argument… because as he was heading upstairs, he couldn’t help hear his mother’s voice floating up the stairs.

“No, no, darling, I’m alright.”

His father mumbled a reply, but Frank couldn’t make out what it was. Then Mrs. Iero spoke again. Frank stopped on the fifth step and listened.

“Yes, I suppose. I just think it’s sad that I haven’t seen- uhm- what’s her name? Mikey’s mother?”

Another grunted response.

“No, me neither, you know who I mean. Mrs. Way- Don’t you think it’s strange of her that she’d stay all locked up in the house, especially if her son is as ill as Frankie says. I always thought they were strange that family.”

Frank’s fists curled into balls and he leant against the bannister, willing himself to stop listening; go upstairs. What good would it do to hear his mother’s air fucking headed opinion? Mrs. Iero dropped her voice conspiratorially, but the sound still carried up the stairs…

“I had my suspicions, and now… well… what kind of a mother doesn’t come to mass when a family member falls sick?”

Mr. Iero made a sound of vague agreement.

“You know, I’ve always thought it was those boys having such a bad influence on our Frankie. He never used to act out until Mikey started coming to the house. I would have said something to the mother, but she’s about as hard to get hold of as-“

Frank didn’t pause long enough to hear the next spew of garbage exiting his mother’s mouth. He was down the stairs and back in the centre of the kitchen before he even knew what he was doing. When he got there, he ignored the shocked (and slightly guilty) look on his mother’s face, and the bland surprise on his father’s…

“If I ever hear you criticising that family again, I’m going to leave.” said Frank, then he snorted. “I mean, maybe that's what you've wanted all along, but I just thought I'd let you know that I'd do it.” his hands were shaking, and his head was throbbing with solid anger, but his voice was calm.

“Frank, I-“

“Mrs. Way has shown me nothing but kindness for over eight years, and that’s more than you’ve fucking bothered with my whole life, so I swear to god, if I ever hear you say a bad word about my boyfriend’s mother again, I can assure you it will be the last you hear from me. And I don’t give a shit if your little church buddies hear all about it. Except... I wouldn't even be surprised if you'd enjoy being centre of attention.”

_Boyfriend._

Frank had just said boyfriend. Out loud. To his parents.

Being gay in the... abstract sense was one thing... but admitting that you're in a functioning relationship was quite another. Especially to his parents, who were continuously burying themselves under a mountain of denial. Frank might well have just put a gigantic hole in their "out of sight, out of mind" strategy. 

He didn’t let himself back down, though, even as he noticed his father’s eyes widening, or his mother’s wounded little gasp. He stood there and waited. 

“You’re- what did you just say?” squeaked Mrs. Way. Frank shrugged.

“I don’t think it’s that difficult to understand. You’d be upset if I started bitching about _your_ boyfriend’s family.” Frank said, digging his nails into the palm of his hand. Why was he such a stubborn piece of shit? Why couldn’t he just fucking leave it alone for once in his life?

“Boyfriend.” his mother repeated. Frank’s eyes darted towards his father, who was well on his way to looking murderous as that information began to sink in. “Mikey Way is your… boyfriend?” she whispered, nose wrinkling at the very thought, like pronouncing the very words was a disgusting process. Frank stared at her for a moment, resisting the urge to actually slap her in the face. His father moved, standing from the table and completely ignoring his son as he stomped out of the kitchen. Frank exhaled, that was one less verbal beating he’d have to deal with.

For now.

“No.” he said. Fuck it, she could figure out the rest.

“The other one.” she said. “The other Way boy.”

Frank raised an eyebrow and shrugged theatrically.

“What can I say.” he said quietly, voice full of venom. “Had to go for the prettiest one.”

***

He wanted to call Gee that night, but he also didn't want to worry him, and calling breathless with tears and coughing his lungs up would probably constituted something significant to worry about. Especially if you're Gerard Way.

So that meant a visit to the house was out of the question, too. 

At about eleven, Frank switched on his phone to find a few texts from Gee, and even one or two from Mikey. He sent Mikey a paragraph at once, explaining that he'd had another fight, but playing it off as best he could as a hassle, rather than an I'm-crying-into-my-pillow affair. 

To Gerard, he just started with 

_Hey._

Gee replied at once:

**_Hey, baby. Coming back?_  **

_Bad news xo_

**_What? You okay?_ **

_I'm fine. Mom and Dad made a surprise appearance._

**_What the fuck? They came back early?_ **

_:(_

_**You sure you're alright.** _

_All good, just banished lol. I'll see you as soon as I can... If I'm allowed to go to group tomorrow you could come see me?_

**_Wild horses couldn't stop me xxx_ **

_Hahaha ew._

**_It's true._ **

_I know, princess._

_Is it stupid that I miss you?_

_even tho I was with u like an hour ago..._

**_If it's stupid, then I'm fucking stupid because I miss you too._ **

_You know we sound like one of ur mom's romance novels right?_

**_:/ I am trying to be romantic fuck u_ **

**_U love it really_ **

_I do <3 _

**_Baby_ **

_yaaa_

**_You'd tell me if you weren't doing okay?_ **

_Of course I would xo_

**_Just wanted u to know I'm still here_ **

**_If you ever needed to talk or something..._ **

**_I feel like we haven't talked that much about u recently_ **

**_and I'm here if and when you need me_ **

_I know you are. You're the best._

_I literally am so lucky I have you._

_Lol our anniversary is in a few months and sometimes I look at you and it's like back when I fell in love w/ u_

_you knock me out_

_and there is literally not a day where I don't thank whatever the fuck is out there that I have u_

_You're everything. You're my everything._

_anyway I've got to sleep, beautiful._

**_baby, thank you for saying that. Sounds lame but I feel the same xox_ **

**_Wish you were here, want to show you how much I mean_ **

**_like how much I mean that I feel the same..._ **

**_Frnkie, it's 11pm_ **

**_stay_**  

**_plz_ **

**_you can't leave it like that_ **

**_talk to me?_ **

_Tired, babe. We were busy last night if u recall..._

**_stfu omg_ **

_totally worth it dw :)_

**_ur the worst._ **

_I love you. Goodnight beautiful boy Fxo_

**_love you too_ **

**_hope you're alright, baby._ **

**_Thinking of u. sweet dreams xox_ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK I AM SORRY this is probs too much on the fighting and not enough on the anything else. Maybe it's getting too repetitive idk, it was a hard one to write because it's like a bridge to the next bits of the plot... (starting to write next bits tonight btw.) and i've been trying sentence-by-sentence since Wednesday RIP.   
> ***  
> anyway  
> ***  
> thanks for reading, comments soo welcome   
> <3 xo


	8. Afraid of Leaving Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O

Unsurprisingly, Frank wasn't even allowed to go to Group on Sunday. He texted Lindsey throughout, though, so he kind of felt like he had the company. 

His mother dropped breakfast and lunch outside his door without so much as a word. Instead she knocked briskly, and left Frank to discover the sandwich sitting on the landing. He planned to just leave it in an act of defiance, but he got really hungry at around eleven, and caved in. He justified it to himself that he was draining his parents' resources. 

He went downstairs at one point, and was met with nothing but stony silence from his mother. Mr. Iero was nowhere to be seen, and it didn't take an expert to figure out where he might be. 

He trudged back upstairs feeling strangely defeated. He stared around his room for a while, until his brain kicked from wallowing to anger. He stormed around for a while, kicking at the skirting boards; daring himself to make enough noise to summon his mother, but even that didn't last long. He was shaking when he flopped back down onto his bed.

After one tearful phone call to Gerard, and then another two phone calls to Mikey, Frank was feeling a little bit better. He paced around his room for a while, watching the sun sink behind next door's roof. He picked pansy up and strummed a few random chords, and one or two riffs, but he didn't want to risk turning the amp on, so eventually he put her back on her stand. He felt restless. He wasn't used to this. Shouting, fighting, screaming he knew how to deal with. This silence was unfamiliar, and it was jarring. He kept repeating Gerard's words to himself.

_This isn't your fault, Frankie._

He hoped that if he said it enough, maybe his brain would get the fucking message. 

When Frank woke up the next morning, he didn't even remember passing out. He was sprawled on top of the duvet, still clothed and his neck aching fiercely. He groaned as he sat up and checked his clock. At least he wasn't late for work yet. With a loud yawn he stretched and stood up, shuffling around to pick up some different clothes. He was about to retreat to his bathroom for a shower when he heard a tapping on his door. He froze, blood fizzing. He took a breath as he turned towards the door. 

This was good, he told himself. Maybe now he could get the conflict out of the way. It had only been a day, but he'd had more than enough of this dead air. 

"Come in." he said as gruffly as he could. The door swung open, but his mother didn't enter. She stood in the doorway looking about as uncomfortable as Frank felt. 

"Your Grandmother's downstairs and she would like to see you before you leave for work." she said with a sniff. "Come down as soon as you're ready. Don't keep her waiting." she clipped, looking Frank up and down before vanishing back down the hall. Frank's lips tightened. She didn't even close the fucking door. 

Awesome. Grandma. If his morning had started off any worse, he'd probably be dead. He kicked at a pile of his clothes and ran a hand through his hair. There was no point getting changed now, he may as well get this over with. If Grandma had driven across several states to be here, it was unlikely to be a pleasant conversation. 

***

"Frank." said his grandmother with a grave shake of the head. 

"Hi, Grandma." Frank descended the last of the stairs and edged into the living room.

"I was sorely disappointed to receive a phone call from your mother last night. After you made your disappearance at the beginning o the summer, I was sure you'd worked through all this childish rebellion." she said, staring over her glasses at Frank from the couch. His mother hovered by the kitchen door. Frank glared at her and then turned his eyes back to his grandmother. He shrugged. 

"Sit down." she said, wrinkled brow creasing further as she gestured a claw-like hand. Frank gritted his teeth and obeyed. She looked frail, but he knew from years of experience that this was not the case. She wore the disguise of a sweet old lady; powder pink skirt underneath her floral cardigan. Luckily, any more than three minutes of conversation with her was warning enough that she was nothing of the sort. 

"Frank." she said solemnly. "I am not here to exchange pleasantries. I intend to get right to the point." she said, folding her hands in her lap. Behind he thick glasses Frank knew that her gaze had all the focus of a laser beam. "The news your mother has given me was downright shocking. I will not beat around the bush. I am appalled that you would spring something so disgusting onto your parents at a time like this. Your attitude for the past few years has been dismal at best, and I would almost prefer that you were as insolent as you insist on presenting yourself. The fact is, I know you are not a stupid child, and that just makes this behaviour all the more despicable. It is not a  _joke_ to dance with the devil, child. It was quite bad enough when you started all of this, but now you have taken it a step too far. Your mother has been driven to despair, and your father- well- do you think he has time to deal with your little games now that he's on the search for employment."

Frank's head snapped up and he glanced at his mother, who refused to meet his eyes. He'd been letting the words wash over him, willing the speech to end as soon as possible, but this he could not ignore. 

"Dad lost his job?" Frank asked, ignoring his grandmother's indignant clucking from the couch. "Mom." he said when she made no attempt to reply. 

"I always said his drinking would get the better of him." Grandma grumbled, adjusting her cardigan. 

"Mom." Frank said again, ignoring his grandmother. She finally look up and simply shook his head. 

"Frank!" His grandmother snapped. "Please focus." Frank slowly tore his eyes from his mother's face and swivelled back to face the couch. He didn't bother to hide his disdainful glare this time. She didn't seem to notice. 

"I came here to impress upon you some discipline!" she said, voice sickly and high pitched and fucking annoying. Frank's fists tightened in his lap. "I can not abide such an ungrateful grandson, and I refuse to allow it to go on for another second. Your parents have been too soft on you, that's the trouble. I can not imagine what they were thinking when they let you galavant around with that  _family._ They sound like they are associates of Satan, himself, from what your mother has told me." Frank bit on his tongue until he could taste the warm rush of blood in the back of his throat. He didn't dare look at his mother again. He knew he wouldn't be able to contain himself. Grandma was unashamedly killing two birds with one stone; criticising her daughter's husband, and her daughter's son at the same time. 

"The blame does not entirely lie with your parents." she said, probably graciously in her eyes. "It is clearly your responsibility to keep yourself away from dangerous company, too, Frank, but I understand better than anyone the pull of sinful behaviour. That boy of yours... the one your mother claims you've been having relations with-"

Fucking 'relations'. Is this the 1800s? 

"It is clear that he's tempting you, Frank, and I refuse to let it go a single step further. You must renounce him. I am willing to move down here for an indefinite amount of time in order to assist-"

"No." Frank said. It was actually involuntary, he only realised he'd said it out loud when a thunderous look crossed his grandmother's features. 

"Pardon me?"

"No, I'm not going to 'renounce' him." Frank said calmly. "Why would I do that?"

"Because it's not too late to repent for your behaviour, Frank. God will forgive if you only give him the chance to see that you were coerced-"

Frank laughed. That same, wild, uncontrollable laugh he'd felt coursing through him the other night when his parents had just been too much; too ridiculous. How the hell was this his life? 

"Coerced?" Frank said, coughing as his laughter ground to a halt and he took in his Grandmother's scandalised expression. "You think I was fucking coerced?" His mother gasped behind him and he ignored it. He ignored everything, closing his eyes. "I'm going to say this once, Grandmother, okay? I wasn't coerced, or forced or- well actually I guess you could say I was tempted... but that's another topic altogether." He slowed down his speech like he was talking to a toddler. "Sometimes, two people of the same gender fall in love." he said, wondering what was going through his grandma's mind right now. "And when that happens, it's just like when a boy and a girl love each other. It's not evil, or wrong. It's just what happens. And that happened to me, Grandma. I fell in love with a boy. That's all, and if you can't come to terms with it, then we're going to have to agree to disagree." 

"I refuse to stand for this... this _disgusting,_ shameful behaviour." shouted Grandma. "How  _dare_ you speak to your elders like this. You need some severe discipline, ignorant child. I refuse to let my grandson's head be polluted by these shameless faggots." she roared, getting to her feet with a speed which was discordant with her appearance. Frank matched her movement, facing off with the old woman from across the room. 

"Don't you ever call my boyfriend that word ever again." he growled, turning on his heel and heading up the stairs before either of them could intercept him. In his room he swore loudly and ran both hands through his hair. After a moment to collet himself, he grabbed his Dimitri's shirt and his wallet, and headed back towards the door. 

He ran into his mother halfway down the stairs, but he pushed past her without a word. He made a beeline for the door, ignoring his Grandmother dusting herself down theatrically in the centre of the living room. His mother darted in front of him as he reached the front door and he glared at her. 

"Move." he spat. There were tears welling in her eyes as she stepped closer to him. 

"Frank, please-" she whispered, eyes darting in the direction of her mother. Frank's stomach clenched and he shook his head. 

"You brought her here, Mom. This is all on you." he said with a shrug, pulling the door open from under her. She whimpered and stepped back.

As he slid into the car, he though he heard his mother shouting that she was sorry. For a second he let himself imagine that she was talking to him. 

And then, without another backwards glance, he put his foot down and sped out of the driveway. He didn't care that he hit the neighbour's trashcan. He was the devil's boyfriend after all. He might as well fully live up to his reputation. 

***

His Grandma left on Monday night, well before Frank got home from work. His mother didn't even look up when Frank returned home, so he didn't waste any time on her. After two days of silence, he thought he might actually lose his mind, so when Gee called him on Wednesday evening, he didn't need a lot of persuasion to go out. The only positive Frank could draw from the whirlpool of shit that was his life, was that his house arrest seemed to have crumbled to an end. He sulked in his room on Tuesday, but when he announced that he was leaving in a moment of recklessness, his mother just nodded and carried on tapping away on her computer. 

So, it seemed, he was free.

The air was cool as he walked over to the Way's. He shivered and hugged his arms. He should have brought a coat, the mid-Septemeber air felt like it was eating into Frank's skull. All the more reason to get fucking moving, he thought, speeding up towards Gee's street.

Mr. Way answered the door with a warm smile and gestured to the living room, where the rest of the family were sitting around. Only this family could be sitting all together at 11pm watching obscure Indie movies on TV. Gerard stood up at once and smiled.

"I knew you'd come!" he said, pointing a finger at Frank, who raised his arms in surrender, and bit back every snide or vaguely dirty remark which Gerard's words stirred in his brain. Instead he walked into the room, waving at Mrs. Way and raising a silent eyebrow at Gerard. 

"Why aren't you ready then?" Frank muttered on his way past, casting his gaze briefly over Gerard's pink pyjama pants and black tee. Gerard stiffened a little, not noticeably unless you were in his immediate vicinity, so Frank very much noticed. 

"Yeah. Okay, I'll just- uh, just going to get my coat." he said, raising his voice a little too loudly. Mikey rolled his eyes and mumbled 'subtle' under his breath. Frank sniggered and plopped himself down next to Mikes on the couch.

"Sorry I couldn't hang out on the weekend." he said. Mikey smiled and waved him off. "You finished your first chemo cycle yesterday, right?" he asked, eyes trailing Gerard as he shuffled down the hall to the basement. 

"Yeah, man. Got some tests done too, and the results are basically going to tell us if it's working. We should get them back next week." Mikes said blandly. Frank's heart skipped, but he forced a smile onto his face.

"Dude, this is awesome. One step closer, huh?" he said, patting Mikey's shoulder and looking over to Mrs. Way, who was reading in the armchair. She smiled and nodded. "Don't suppose you're up to a trip to the field to celebrate?" Mikey smiled and shook his head. 

"I'm gonna chill out here. Wanna watch some TV and whatever." he said, pointing in the direction of his room. He winced when he moved, and Mrs. Way looked up from her book a little too quickly. Mikey noticed and narrowed his eyes. "Mom, I'm alright. Just tired, okay?" she nodded, looking sheepish that she was caught checking on him. 

"How's the nausea, honey?" she said briskly. Frank looked between them. He guessed that this was their way around making Mikey feel like he was pitied; treating all cancer-related topics in a business-like manner. 

"Bearable. Going to sleep before the meds kick in, though." he mumbled. "I'm _fine_ , Mom. Just talking to Frankie, okay?" he said. Frank smiled at Mikey's raised eyebrow. 

"Of course, sweetheart. I'll be in the kitchen." she said, getting up and following her husband out of the room. Mikey waited until she was safely through the door before he rolled his eyes and turned back to a still-smiling Frank. 

"You said you wanted to talk?" Mikey said, shuffling around and resting himself against the cushions. 

"Only if you're not too tired or anything?" 

"Nah, I'm good for a little while." Mikey said, then tugged his beanie further down. "Shoot." Frank nodded and took a deep breath. 

"Okay. Two things; one not really important, one very important."

"Not important first, please." said Mikey.

"Okay, my dad lost his job last week." he said, closing his eyes. Mikey grimaced. 

"Fuck."

"Yeah. It was why he came home from New York early. I mean, I guess it shouldn't really matter to me. I'm moving out soon, I don't need them anymore... except I am worried about it."

"It's totally fine to worry about it, man. Like, your mom doesn't work so... it won't be easy for them to-"

"That's not the worst of it though, Mikes." sighed Frank "He was fired because of his drinking. Like, it's to the point where it's in the way of his  _work,_ dude. Plus he was on his third warning or something so... I didn't really give it much thought before, I guess. Mom always brushes it off, so I did too... but I think it's bad."

"Shit, dude, I'm so sorry." Mikey said. Frank frowned and shook his head.

"I'm mad though, 'cause I shouldn't give a shit. And in a way, I don't... but I also... like, I don't want him to fucking  _die._ Just because he's a total asshole doesn't mean I want him dead. Out of my life, sure, but not... not out of the _world_ or whatever. I don't know... I'm just a little confused."

"I get it." said Mikey. "He's your dad. It's biology. You know those kids of serial killers, who know their parent is a murderer, but they keep quiet for years because deep down they love them anyway."

"Uh... I think they probably keep quiet more due to the risk of  _murder-"_

"Whatever, you get my point." said Mikey with the wave of his hand. " _Biology_ , Frank. It's natural. Plus, he didn't used to be so bad when you were a little kid. So all the good memories are still in your head somewhere." Frank rubbed at his eye then nodded. 

"You're right."

"I know." Mikey said, then his voice softened and he placed a hand on Frank's shoulder. "He'll be okay, Frank. 

"He's been out every night since they got back from New York, Mikes." Frank said. "Hasn't come back 'til like... after I get home from your house, so three or four am." Mikey thought for a moment. 

"Give him another few days." he said. "and then if it doesn't get better, and it's really bothering you, talk to your mom."

"Ugh." said Frank, slumping into the couch. "What has he even fucking done to deserve my concern? I should just leave him to his bender and let it wreck him." he mumbled. 

"Maybe." said Mikey with a shrug. "But you're not an asshole like he is, so I know you won't. It's okay to have a heart, you know."

"Yeah, tell him that." Mikey shot Frank a sympathetic look then leant his head back, eyes slipping closed. Frank was lost in thought for a few moments before Mikey's voice made him jump.

"So.. If that wasn't the serious thing, then what is?" 

"Oh," said Frank. "Okay, don't get mad..."

***

When Gerard finally came upstairs with a jacket on; one shoe on his foot, the other in his hand; Frank and Mikey jumped. 

"Remember to talk to mom about it with plenty of time to spare." said Mikey quietly to Frank. Frank nodded and stood to give Gee a hug. 

"Tell mom what?" Gerard asked, dropping his shoe to wrap his arms around Frankie. Mikey wrinkled his nose and climbed slowly to his feet. 

"Nothing." Mikey sighed, heading for the stairs. Mrs. Way appeared in the doorway as if by magic. Frank was growing almost 100% certain that she had special Mikey sensors in her hair or something. 

"Tell me what?" she asked, trying to act casual, but very obviously watching her youngest son mount the stairs. 

"Nothing, Mom." Mikey said, heaving a sigh. "See you in the morning."

"Do you need anything, honey?" she asked. He shook his head and waved a hand as he disappeared upstairs. Gerard watched him go for a moment before smiling at Mrs. Way and pointing to the door. 

"Frankie and I are gonna go for a walk." he said. Mrs. Way grimaced. 

"Please be careful, boys." she groaned, stepping forwards to straighten Gerard's jacket collar. "I hate it when you go out at night alone." Gerard batted her off and dragged Frank by the hand over to the doorway. 

"We're not alone!" he called. "We're going  _together."_ he slammed the door behind him and giggled when Frank spun him around, and pressed him up against the front door. He caught Gerard's mouth in a messy kiss and then pulled away, running off down the driveway. 

"You have too much energy, Iero." Gee called from the porch steps. Frank laughed into the night and simply waved for his boyfriend to follow him down the street.

***

They didn't talk about much as they found their way to the track. Gerard chatted away, but in proportion to how much he spoke, he didn't really _say_  a lot. The main points Frank picked up were that he was worried about finally starting college next week,  _and_ that he was embarrassed about having to start like two weeks late, and that he couldn't wait until everything was back to normal so they could get the apartment together. Frank smiled and nodded. He commented in all the right places, but his mind wasn't really there. He was thinking about the question he'd asked Mikey back at the house, and what the answer meant. He was thinking about the apartment, and a little about his dad... and when Gerard pulled Frank to face him outside the entrance to the field and crushed their lips together, he stopped thinking altogether. 

"Frankie." Gerard said a little while later. They were lying in the long, damp grass, staring up at the dark sky. Gerard had been moaning that it was cloudy, but Frank slapped him on the arm whenever he started to complain, so he gave up eventually. It was only about 1am, so the highway was busy. Every now and again Frank would turn his head to watch all the gleaming lights sliding across his field of vision. He watched them as they looped onto the bridge; over to Jersey City. He sighed. Maybe one day he could get there. He wondered if Gerard would still be with him if he did- "Frank are you listening?" said Gerard, prodding Frankie in the ribs.

"Ow! Yes, I am. You said that your dad would never approve if you worked the bar in the strip club but you were willing to-" Gerard slapped Frank's arm and Frank squirmed away. 

"That was ages ago, Frankie!" he whined. "I was asking you if everything was okay." he said, voice soft again. Frank turned to look at him. If he turned the right way, he could see the city reflected in Gerard's eyes. 

"Huh? Yeah, everything's fine, baby." Frank replied with a smile. Gee frowned. 

"Are you sure? 'Cause I feel like I'm only talking about myself recently and I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me stuff or whatever. I don’t want us to drift.” Gerard said, dropping his eyes to the blades of grass he was picking, and throwing in Frank's direction. Frank caught his hand to stop him. 

”That's never going to happen.” he said, heart aching a little with the desire to spill a bunch of stuff he'd been keeping inside for the past few weeks. He didn't give into it. He needed to stay strong for Gee...

"Baby." Gerard said, pulling his hand from Frank's grasp and sitting up. Frank joined him. "You're not yourself, and I'm worried you're keeping stuff bottled up. I can take it, if that's what you're worried about." Gerard said softly, shuffling towards Frank on his knees.

"I know you can." Frank sighed, dropping his head. He wondered if Gee had inherited mind reading powers from his mother. "it's just-"

"So there is something?" Gerard asked. Frank was irritated at himself, to say the least, when he nodded. Way to go, Frank. Great self restraint. He tried not to give himself too hard a time. He was used to telling Gerard everything, all the time. It was a hell of an adjustment to start being selective about it.  

"Obviously there's stuff... I just... baby, I promised myself not to flood you with my bullshit until Mikes gets a little better, alright. I didn't want to add to-"

Gerard edged forward a final few inches, and slipped his arms around Frank's waist, cutting him off with a kiss. He pecked Frank's lips twice before he properly broke away. 

"Don't do that." he whispered, close to Frank's face. His eyes were closed. Frank leant into him. “Don’t shut me out.”  

"I didn't- I was trying not to be selfish." he said. Gerard shook his head, then ducked down to press his lips against Frank's neck. The light contact sent a shiver over Frank's body. 

"You're never selfish." he said, straightening up and placing a hand onto Frank's neck. His thumb ghosted the area he'd touched with his lips and Frank frowned at him. 

"Oh my god." he said, narrowing his eyes. "Stop trying to turn me on to get information out of me!” Gerard laughed out loud, throwing his head back. He smoothed the hair from his face as his laughter died and he grinned at Frank, who failed miserably to keep a stern look on his face. 

"Sorry, baby." Gerard purred, bringing his lips right to Frank's ear. "Just tell me if you want me to stop."

"I'm not getting fucked in the ass in a field, motherfucker!" cried Frank, words punctuated with laughter as Gee leant into him, lowering them both down onto the ground. Gee threw his leg over Frank's hips and bent over him, bringing their lips together. Frank kind of ruined it because apparently now he had the giggles. Gee gave up after a little persistence and smiled down at his boyfriend, wriggling around beneath him. 

"Who said anything about getting fucked in the ass?" Gee said, raising and eyebrow and brushing at his hair with two fingers. Frank pouted and Gerard gasped, pointing a finger at him. "Ha. See, you do want it." Frank rolled his eyes because Gerard was looking all smug, so he wiped the look of his face by sitting up so they were chest to chest again. Gee was still in his lap, one hand fisted in Frank's tee and the other at his neck. 

"Yes." he murmured, pecking Gee's cheek. "I do want it." then his nose, "However," then his jaw, "I do not want it," then down his neck, "Somewhere we might get stabbed, and our parents would have to find our bodies ass naked above the fucking highway.” Gerard giggled, then gasped when Frank resumed his movement along his neck. 

"Fucking buzzkill." he mumbled. Frank hummed and slipped his tongue into Gerard's mouth. It almost shut him up. He was pretty sure Gee was actually still talking into his mouth, but he was pretty used to that by now. 

The next time they drew apart, they were both breathing heavily. 

"Okay, okay..." Gerard said. "No fucking in the field, but what about other stuff?" he said, smiling as his hands were already finding Frank's belt buckle. They got distracted several times as Frank couldn't keep his mouth off Gerard's for more than three seconds, but eventually Gee fought Frank's pants open. 

"You know..." he panted. "I just might be able to be persuaded."

***

“So… that stuff you weren’t telling me.” Gerard said as Frank blinked at him through his post-orgasm haze.

“I wasn’t not telling you.” said Frank slowly, “I just didn’t want to do it yet. You’ve had too much going on for me to bitch about my daddy issues.”

Gerard gave Frank a look.

“Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are-“ Frank tried. Gerard glared at him and folded his arms. Frank rolled his eyes and sat up. “Alright.” he said. “Fine.” …

And he told him. He told Gerard everything, from his Dad situation, to all the bullshit he was worrying about with regards to leaving home. He tried not to go into too much detail, but it was so comfy talking to Gee like this, he felt himself slipping. He explained how he was planning on using his college fund to pay for living costs, but he couldn't access it without parents' permission until he was eighteen. Gee promised that Frank could hang on for another month. Frank hoped he was right. He told Gerard how his Grandma had made a surprise appearance. Gerard rubbed his back and pressed a kiss to his temple, reminding Frank how strong he was.

Then they lay there in the wet grass, warm in each others' arms, and Frank felt like a huge weight was off his shoulders. 

They were just getting up to leave when Gerard caught Frank around the waist again and looked into his eyes. Frank frowned up at him.

“What is it, gorgeous.” he said. Gerard shook his head.

“Nothing.” he whispered, then pulled Frank into a tight hug. Frank blinked for a moment and looped his arms around Gerard’s neck, squeezing tightly.

“I just like to look at you.” Gerard muttered into Frank’s shoulder. “Gonna draw you when we get back. Haven’t done that in so long. I wanna fuck you first, I love how you look after that.” he said. Frank breathed in sharply and closed his eyes. This wasn’t exactly news to Frank. He knew Gee liked to draw him looking all wrung out. The amount of times Frank had been deprived of cuddles because Gerard wanted to fucking crack open the sketchbook was astounding… it sounded pretty hot said out loud, though, so Frank let it slide.

“No complaints here.” he said with a breathy laugh. Gerard just squeezed him tighter. “You sure you’re alright, babe?” he asked into Gee’s neck.

“Don’t leave me.” Gerard mumbled, barely audibly. Frank’s heart skipped.

“Gerard, why would you say that?” he said, tapping Gee’s back, forcing him to step back so they could see each other. Gerard’s eyes looked a little red. Frank cocked his head, hands still resting on Gee’s shoulders. “Seriously that’s so fucking stupid, why would you say that?” He moved one hand to stroke a thumb over his collarbone.

Gerard gave a watery smile, and shrugged.

“Sorry. I just… I guess I thought you might have been distancing yourself. I was worried I was getting too much.” he said, dropping his gaze.

“Don’t apologise, baby. You know that’s not true now, right?” Gerard wiped a sleeve over his face and shrugged.

“These last few weeks have been hard on both of us, but I feel like I make it worse. I’m too difficult when shit gets tough. I feel so selfish, you were keeping all that shit bottled up and all I did was spill my problems all over you. I can’t lose you, baby, but what if I get too much? You deserve someone who can give you as much as you put in, and not be a pain in the ass on top of that.” he said. Frank stared at Gerard an awe.

“Baby, I am never going to leave you because shit gets a little difficult. That’s just life, my love. I can assure you that you will never be too much for me. Ever. It was _my_ decision not to tell you all that stuff. It doesn't make you selfish. I don’t know how else to tell you. I’m not going anywhere. We’ve been through worse than this, and It’s never crossed my mind that I could ever do it without you. Babe, you’re my best friend. And as for showing me? Shit, you show me all the time… Sweetheart you just sucked my cock in the middle of a field at 2am. That’s a pretty good display of affection if you ask me.” Frank said, smiling as Gerard giggled. “Okay?” he said, stroking down his boyfriend’s face gently. Gee closed his eyes and nodded.

“Thank you.” he said, pecking Frank’s cheek and pulling him into a final hug, which Frank now felt like he needed too. “You’re the love of my life.” Gerard whispered, lips moving against Frank’s bare neck. He didn’t know what it was about that sentence that made his heart stop. They told each other that they loved each other every day, but this was different. Frank had never heard Gerard utter that sentence before, and it sent a whole new wave of emotion through him. For a fraction of a second, he thought about the question that he’d asked Mikey before he left; How he’d been a little unsure at the time, but now he knew. He knew for certain, and he would tell Mikey about it just as soon as he saw him. With the decision made, he felt his blood pumping hot through his body, and before he could register, he was pulling Gerard towards the hedge.

“Baby… I- What’s the rush?” asked Gerard, sounding mildly alarmed.

“I’m in danger of breaking my no-sex-in-the-field rule” Frank called, practically bounding down the path. Gerard’s laughter peeled out, lost to their empty surroundings as he tried to keep up with his boyfriend. When he finally slowed down, Frank caught Gerard’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

“Love you, my princess.” he said, linking their fingers and dropping them to swing between them. Gerard squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

“You too, baby. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the next chapter 'cause shit's gon go down...  
> ***  
> also there is a possibility I might not be able to get the next one up until next weekend :( I'll try my hardest to get it done before that but... 6th Form is ew.  
> ***  
> also also, I am NOT LIKING MY WRITING STYLE so I am super sorry if it's as rough to read as I think it is...if you've stuck with me this far... especially for the whole series... then I am in awe of u and am also super grateful thank you  
> ***  
> <3 xo


	9. Keep Your Blood In Your Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dON'T H8 ME xo  
> ***  
> For the purpose of this story, Mrs. Way is called Sandra

“I’m sure everything's fine, Frank.” Lyndsey said over her coffee. She scrunched her nose as she took a sip, wincing against the heat. Frank sighed and continued to stare at the sharpie on his knuckles.

“I should get this tattooed.” he muttered, running a finger over the letters. Next thing he knew there was a purple-nailed hand clicking in front of his face. He frowned up at their owner indignantly. She was looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t change the subject. I know you’re worrying about him.”

“Well, yeah. Last time he went off air for a while it was while Mikes was getting diagnosed… I just-“ Frank took a deep breath to calm the sudden surges of panic rushing into his lungs with every breath. “It’s been a couple days, Lyns. Mikey’s got these test results coming in later this week. What if… fuck, what if something’s happened?”

Lyndsey bit her lip and nodded.

“I honestly think he would have called you, or texted at the very least, if it was serious. Have you talked to his mom?” Frank shook his head. “Okay. Look, all I can tell you is that worrying won’t help.” she said with a sympathetic shrug. “I wish I could do more…” Frank waved a hand.

“It’s fine.” he said, picking up his drink. “I’ll just feel better when I hear from him. Hey,” Frank started digging into his pocket for change. “I know what you can do to help.” he said, throwing a few dollars onto the table and getting up. Lyndsey scowled at him.

“Where are you going? Frankie we just-“

“Jewellery store.” Frank said, already half way across the cafe. He motioned for her to follow him, grinning when her eyes lit up.

“You want me to help pick it?” she gasped, dropping a few of her own dollars onto the table and following Frank. She took his outstretched hand as she caught up, and they walked into the cool autumn air together.

“Of course. Couldn’t trust Ray or Bob with such an important purchase.” he said. She sniggered and skipped a little as they headed to the parking lot.

***

Frank tried not to check his cell too often as he and Lyndsey walked around the mall. She scolded him a couple of times, batting his hand away from his pocket. Eventually she snatched the thing from his hands and turned it off.

After he dropped her off in the early evening, he didn’t turn it back on until he was safely in the driveway.

Surprise surprise: nothing.

He hurried past the kitchen door which was ajar, light seeping onto the hardwood in the hallway.

“Hi son,” he muttered to himself as he slammed his door behind him. “How was your day?” he flopped onto his bed. “Oh, it was good thanks, Mom.”

He rolled his eyes at himself and turned over, staring at his cell’s blank display. His breathing returned to normal as he turned the lifeless phone over in his hands. He and Gerard’s final conversation hadn’t been unusual, quite the opposite. Frank replayed it for the hundredth time that day. It was entirely unremarkable. He was even being a little more optimistic about going to College. Driving Mikey to the hospital on Thursday, however, he was more nervous about that. Frank held his hand that night while they watched a movie. They didn’t do anything else that night. For the first time in a while Frank just held him as they drifted in and out of lucidity. Neither of them drunk or high, just warm in each others’ company. The sound of their gore marathon washed over them as Frank felt Gerard falling asleep in his arms. At some obscure time in the morning, he disentangled their legs and slipped himself free from Gee’s comforter. On his way to the window he switched off the blue screen of the TV, plunging his boyfriend’s sleeping form into darkness.

That was the night before last, and Frank hadn't seen either of the Way brothers since. Gee texted him throughout the next morning, but sometime after lunch the messages came to an abrupt halt. They were halfway through making plans and then… nothing. Nausea began to bloom in his stomach.

Mikey’s tired face flashed through his mind; the shadows under his eyes when they last saw each other, the greenish tinge creeping over his skin. He hadn’t even spent any proper time with Mikey since they’d talked a few days ago. Frank’s stomach surged. He bolted upright, hurling himself off the bed. He stuffed his feet into his chucks, not giving himself time to think as he scuffed them on the carpet, dashing back out of the room.

In his hurry he almost barrelled straight into the large figure coming through the front door as Frank battled to open it. He stepped back instinctively, face coming into line with a solid chest. He narrowed his eyes at once and his gaze drifted up to meet his father’s face. They said nothing to one another, Mr. Iero simply grunting as he sidestepped his son. Frank bit back a stream of foul language. His eyes were drawn to the spattering of a crusty, reddish-brown substance lacing the sleeve of his father’s sweater. As soon as his brain began to make connections, he recoiled at the sharp metallic scent snaking underneath the heavy cloud of booze and lodging itself in Frank's nostrils. He watched stiffly as his father stumbled into the kitchen. Another bar-fight, no doubt. Frank wrinkled his nose, and without another thought for either of his parents, he spun out of the door, slamming it with calculated force.

The drive to the hospital felt impossibly longer at night, especially without Gerard’s soft warmth to lean into on the stretch of highway. Lights flashed in Frank’s eyes as he passed under them. His gaze flicked over the ugly concrete central barrier, wondering how this grey expanse looked so much more beautiful from the top of the hill. He and Gerard’s hill. That was how he thought of it now, even though he can’t of taken his boyfriend up there more than five or six times. He sighed and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. That was what Gerard did. Imprinted himself everywhere. Frank couldn’t shake it. He was in the smile that crept over Frank face whenever he saw the chip in his bathroom mirror, because he couldn’t help but remember who put it there. He was all over Frank’s room, in odd doodles and comics and stashed T-shirts Frank kept. They’d once been carefully hidden away, but Frank was in the process of tacking Gee’s sketches to the walls, moving his hidden hoodies and shirts into his drawers. He needed them to surround him. He didn’t want to hide it anymore. He fucking wanted to show it, and he would hare a billboard if he had the money; just to show every motherfucker on highway 98 that these things had been a part of Gerard, and now they’re a part of Frank too.

He rubbed at his eye sleepily as he turned off the highway. The panic simmering in his gut was beginning to calm, leaving in its wake a cool layer of doubt. He shook his head. It didn’t matter. Even if he’d driven all this way for nothing, it was just his mom’s gas money he was wasting, and he certainly didn’t give a shit about that. The alternative was too much worse to even consider turning around. It was too late now anyway, the bright white of Jersey Hospital was looming above him as he shot along the parkway. Frank took a deep breath and indicated, hoping that he’d made a false trip. He’d never been so hopeful in all his life that he’d made a huge mistake, and there was only one way to find out now. Pulling into the parking lot with an elevated heart-rate, he blinked up at the box-like building, hands- ionically- itching for a cigarette.

With another deep breath, he swept his hair from his eyes, killed the engine, and stepped from the car.

It took some doing to navigate the hospital on his own. He was familiar with A&E, not so much with the cancer wards. Thankfully. This, he hoped, would be the extent of his familiarity. Forever.

He was dodging information desks to the best of his ability, avoiding anyone official-looking. This was probably counter productive, seeing as he could, like, ask them for help… but nurses freaked him out and the clerks were worse. That, and he was a stubborn piece of shit.

He swore under his breath as he spun around in yet another identical hallway. Another few agitated minutes of walking around found him wandering into an open area. An open area he’d definitely passed on the way in. Fuck, he was back in reception. Frank sighed and shuffled back over to the list of departments on the wall, trying to figure out where he could have gone so wrong when-

“Frankie?”

His heart plummeted as he turned around to face the voice he knew well, rough with decades of cigarette smoke, but soft all the same.

“Sanrda?” he said, battling a sudden rising panic as she approached. If Mrs. Way was here, that could only mean one thing. Frank had been right. Something was wrong.

“Frankie, what are you doing here?” said Mrs. Way, opening her arms. He hugged her quickly and then stepped back, scanning her face. She looked tired. Clutched in her hands were two sandwiches and a water bottle.

“I was, uh-“ he rubbed his neck and sighed. “I just hadn’t heard from Gee and I couldn’t get hold of anyone so I was- I got a little worried. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have just turned up like this.” he said quietly, realising far too late that maybe there was a reason they hadn’t got in touch. This was just what he’d tried to tell himself. Let them have their family time. He hung his head. He didn’t have the right to push in on them all the time like this.

Frank started when he looked up to see Mrs. Way standing barely a foot away from him. She looked… almost angry. It wasn’t an expression which often graced her features. Frank wanted to step back, to look away.

“Frankie don’t be ridiculous.” she shook her head, loose hair falling into her face. “I’m so sorry we didn’t get hold of you. My phone died on the way out here yesterday and I’ve- We’ve been a little preoccupied.” She said. Frank looked at her, stomach churning. Mrs Way’s gaze sharpened again when she met his eyes, and she took his face in her hands. “Don’t you apologise to me.” she said firmly. “You are a part of this family, Frank. We need you here.” she said, pulling him in for another hug. It didn’t even shock him anymore how accurately she’d interpreted him. It was just a given that she had some kind of supernatural power.

Frank clutched the back of her cardigan like a child. He was scared. The shadows under Mrs. Way’s eyes, and the sharp strain on her voice, even as she spoke gently, told him what he needed to know.

“Alright then.” Mrs. Way said with a deep breath, tapping Frank’s back lightly when he refused to let go. “Let’s go?” she said with a bright smile. Frank tried his best to return it.

“I really am sorry, sweetheart.” Mrs. Way said as she led him into a corridor to the right; the complete opposite of where he’d been searching before, of course. There were gurneys lining the walls, Frank shuddered and tried not to breathe too deeply. The scratch of chemical air was settled in the back of his throat as it was. “You must have been so worried.” she murmured. Frank just nodded. His lungs felt too tight. He didn’t want to ask what had happened. He didn’t think he was ready to know yet. Soon, though. Soon he’d have to find out.

They walked down another couple of corridors, and Frank only grew increasingly confused. He had definitely never been in this part of the hospital. Mrs. Way stopped next to a seemingly unspectacular door; the same as every other along the hallway. She looked at him expectantly. He blinked and glanced over his shoulder.

“Uh, Sandra?” he said. “This isn’t the cancer ward, is it?” he asked, taking another quick look around. The Blue stripe running along each wall was different from the Green of Mikey’s old ward. Every now and again a nurse or doctor would rush past with a clipboard or bottle of something. There was no calm strolling like in the Cancer wards either. In fact, this place kind of looked like the long-stay wards in which Frank used to be continually stranded. He shifted on his feet.

“Cancer ward?” said Mrs. Way. “Why would- oh!” she said, flailing, sandwiches still in hand. Frank was concerned that they might end up on the floor if she carried on like that. “Oh, sweetheart, no!” she stepped forwards. Frank looked back at her helplessly. Mrs. Way was looking a little unhinged, hair swarming wildly around her head, eyes wrinkling in concern. “Of course, how could I be so stupid, you wouldn’t know. I just thought- I’m so sorry, honey, my mind’s all over the place.” she paused and bit at her lip like Gerard sometimes did. For a moment- in a really obscure way- Frank could totally see the resemblance. He wondered if she’d ever been as pretty as her son.

Worry flashed in her eyes before she took a deep breath and smiled. Frank could almost see her flip the switch into mom-mode. Game face on. A swell of affection rushed over him as she opened her mouth.

“It’s not Mikey, lovely.” she said softly. There was no time to feel relief at this revelation, because it could only mean one thing. Cold sweat broke out under Frank’s tee as the words sank in.

“Then who-?”

Except he knew. If it wasn't Mikey, there was no one else it could be besides...

“Come inside, honey.” she murmured, words laced with pity as she watched the panic spreading over Frankie’s face. “I’ll explain everything.”

***

Frank cried when he saw Gerard’s bandaged face, skin pale even against the white sheets. His body was motionless, eyes closed, mouth obscured by gauze. Plastic tubes sprouted from under the crisp bedclothes like ghostly tentacles, and a beeping noise accompanied every soft breath he took.

Frank wasn’t ashamed when he felt Mrs. Way’s arms pull him close. His hands flew to cover his mouth as air tore irregularly down his windpipe. He didn’t wipe his tears as they fell. He could barely feel the warmth on his face, focus completely stolen by the lifeless shape of his boyfriend on the hospital bed.

“Is he-“

“Frankie, he’s alright. It looks worse than it is. I didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart. I should have told you before, I’m sorry.” she said, voice wavering only slightly.

“Come over here, Frank. Come and sit down.” She steered him gently by the shoulders over to a set of rigid couches by the far wall. Frank couldn’t take his eyes of Gerard, trying desperately to identify the rise and fall of his chest. He didn’t trust the beeping machine, or the bright monitors over the bed. He needed to see it, watch Gerard living, breathing, however faintly.

Mrs. Way dabbed Frank’s eyes and held his hand as she explained the events of the day before. Frank closed his eyes when she described how she found her son when she arrived home from work yesterday afternoon; draped down the porch steps in a pool of his own blood. She told Frank how she’d broken her heels running from the car, and how the puddle of red seeped into her tights as she slid onto her knees beside Gerard. She shook her head at the memory: Deep red trailing sluggishly down the stairs and soaking a stark line over the grass. Tears began to slip down her face when she described the ambulance ride; the phone call to her husband. 

“I had to ask him to come home.” she said, waving away Frank’s concern. “I’d left Mikey asleep upstairs- No, don't worry, Frankie. I’m so sorry, I’m being silly.” she muttered through a watery chuckle. Frank gripped her hand and shook his head.

“Who did this?” he croaked, wiping at his face with his spare hand. “You said it was an attack. Who did this to him?” Frank repeated stiffly. Mrs. Way frowned, scrunching her tissue between her fingers. She dropped her gaze with a slight shake of her head.

“I don’t know.” she whispered. “He’s a good boy. Barely leaves his room without you or Mikey, Frankie. I don’t understand who would do this.” she breathed, bringing her tissue up to her mouth and closing her eyes. It was Frank, this time, who pulled Gerard’s mother into his arms, holding her as her shoulders began to shake. “I’m so sorry.” her muffled voice floated from somewhere under Frank’s chin. “I’m being ridiculous. He’s going to be okay.” Frank nodded into her hair. She pulled back eventually. Frank rubbed her arms and gave her his best smile, even though he was still feeling weak from the shock of it all.

“I’m all shaken up.” Mrs. Way mumbled as she cast her gaze back over his son. Frank’s eyes lingered on her face for a moment before he, too, turned back to Gerard. He wondered, just for a fraction of a second, if his own mother would ever look at him like that. Even if Frank was on his very deathbed, he wondered whether his parents would look even half so frazzled. He tried to imagine dark circles under his mother’s eyes, like the ones spreading out under Mrs. Way’s, or the worrisome tick of the left hand on his father. He sniffed. He couldn't see it. Somehow he could only conjure business-like expressions to the parents in his imaginary scenario. Maybe later he’d figure out what that meant.

“I can’t help but feel that I should have known about this.” Mrs. Way said after a while. She’d been staring at the flashing monitors for a few minutes while Frank drifted off in thought. He turned his head slowly and then shook it from side to side.

“There’s no way you could have.” he said. Mrs. Way met his eyes, dark questions swooping around behind them. Frank shook his head again. “Sandra, I can promise you your son had nothing to do with the people who did this.” Frank said, taking Sandra’s hand again. “There is no way.” he said softly, but with complete confidence. Mrs. Way shot him a distracted smile which suggested she still wasn’t quite sure, but she squeezed his hand back all the same. Then they both turned their attention back to the unconscious figure under the bedsheets.

Frank didn’t ask how long it would be before Gerard woke up, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer. So all he did was grip his second mother’s hand, and stare at his boyfriend, whose heartbeat clicked mechanically along the monitor above his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> saw Brand New motherfucking live last week and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life (other than seeing Frnk obvs) It was rough but super good and I was front row (kill me). HOWEVER, they didn't play Quiet Things or 70x7 so... Jesse what's the deal?  
> Still...I am mourning. Best show.  
> ***  
> & feeling better about this whole thing after reading it back, thank you for the comments which keep me writing all this shit :)  
> ***  
> I will be going through to edit shitty writing and various continuity issues at some point, sorry about those :/  
> ***  
> How's your week going?  
> MoOn xo


	10. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this story, Mr. Way is called David  
> ***

Morning broke through the paper-thin hospital blind slowly at first, and then in a flood of cool light. Frank watched from his spot on the couch. The nurses had offered a bed to him and Mrs. Way in wards across the hall. It was kind of them, they weren’t strictly aloud to give beds up like that, but the nurses here knew her, and there was no way they were going to let her spend a second night on a scratchy couch. Both of them accepted the offer, Mrs. Way with gushing levels of thanks, but Frank spent less than an hour in his bed before creeping back into Gerard’s room and curling up on the couch.

The room faded from pitch dark to a fuzzy gray. Frank yawned, peering around at the monochrome furniture, only just visible as the cloudy sky began to lighten outside. The whole room looked like a still from some shitty VHS horror movie, green glow from the monitor throwing a tint over Gerard’s side of the room.

Frank sighed and sat up, stretching as best he could. Before he had a chance to sneak back to the room he’d been given, there was a ping of neon lights and clattering as a team of two or three nurses burst through the door. Frank blinked at them as they set to work. Two of them smiled in his direction, but otherwise ignored him. The third- a lady Frank recognised from the previous evening- stepped towards him while the others began to fuss around Gerard’s bed. Frank watched them note things down, speaking to each other in hushed tones.

“Couldn’t sleep?” the familiar nurse- Ellie, her badge read- asked. Frank smiled at her and shook his head, barely taking his eyes off Gerard. “We’re going to be taking his gauze of now.” she said gently, plucking a glass of water from nowhere and offering it to Frank, who took it dazedly. “You might want to take a little walk until he’s finished. If we’re lucky he’ll be coming around in the next few hours.” Frank nodded, letting himself be ushered from the room. Ellie gave him a reassuring smile as she shut the door in his face.

***

“Well, that’s the thing.” mumbled Mrs. Way around her muffin. She looked as drained as ever that morning as they sat in the hospital canteen. Frank had no doubts that he was probably catching her up on that front after the night of sleep he’d had. “He’s going to have to defer going back for another couple of weeks at the very least.” she said, swallowing heavily. Frank bit his lip and nodded. "The doctor's emailed his professors."

“He’ll love that.” he muttered. Gee had been worried enough about turning up two weeks late. Frank hated to think how he’d feel joining college a full month after everyone else. He looked around the cafeteria, spotting other worried looking family members.

“He’ll be alright once he gets all settled in.” she said. Her hair was balanced into some kind of bun this morning. Somehow she pulled it off without looking like a total bag-lady. “I just wish- I wish he didn’t have to do this.” she shook her head, causing her bun to wobble alarmingly. “He struggles enough getting out and…He’s worried about his brother…” Mrs. Way looked distant, putting her muffin back down. “The doctors said he was lucky he didn’t lose too much blood, lying on those steps like that.” Frank took a breath.

“But he didn’t.” he said firmly. Mrs. Way blinked at him.

”But he didn’t.” she repeated. “I’m still... I'm so angry, Frankie.” she whispered, rubbing a hand over her eyes. Her knuckles were white around the little plastic coffee cup in her other hand. “I know things like this happen where we live, but… The doctors weren’t sure if he’d wake up when they brought him in. He’s so…innocent. If he’d _died_ because of some idiots with nothing better to do…” she said, with a slow shake of the head. 

“You didn’t tell me he might have, like-“ Frank fixed his eyes on the table as his stomach churned.

“I know, and I'm sorry. I didn’t want to worry you, sweetheart. The important thing is that he's going to be just fine.”

“He looked so knocked out this morning.” Frank said meekly, worry darting around his brain restlessly.

”He’s just been sedated for the pain. He needs to sleep, but everything's going to be okay, Frankie.” she reached over the table and petted Frank’s hand. He turned it over, squeezing quickly. “He’s lucky he has you, honey.” she said as she settled her arm back around her middle.

“I hope so.” he replied. “He’s lucky he has a family like yours, that’s for sure.” Maybe he said it a little bitterly. “That reminds me, where’s Mikes and David?” he asked, frowning. Mrs. Way dropped her gaze.

“Oh, they’re home still.” she said, fiddling with her cardigan. “We’re going to keep this one quiet until we get Gee back.” she said. Frank raised an eyebrow but nodded. “I don’t think he needs another thing to panic about right now. I’m picking up those results today.” she said. Frank sucked air in through his teeth and nodded.

“I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this right now, Sandra.” he said quietly, watching the tremor in her hand as she finally released her grip on the coffee cup. Despite it all, Mrs. Way smiled at him warmly. He marvelled at the determination of this woman.

”Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. My boys are stronger than they know.”

“They are.” Frank said. He held her gaze for a few seconds before dropping his head. He took a deep breath. “Mrs. Way…” he began. “I don’t want to, like, drop this on you- I just… you know… carpe diem and whatever…” Mrs. Way was frowning fondly over at him, confused but completely welcoming. His stomach fluttered. If he didn’t do this now, he was going to lose his nerve.

“Mrs. Way I have a really important question to ask you-“

***

The hours after lunch passed sluggishly. Frank called in to work, more to pass the time than anything else. He excused himself with a family emergency, and for once this wasn’t even the shadow of a lie, so he was understandably pissed when he received an earful anyway. Apparently calling in to work twice in two weeks was frowned upon, and _apparently_ they also expected more notice than, like, halfway through the shift.

He smoked the remaining half of his pack of cigarettes in the beginnings of a drizzly evening. He pointedly didn’t text his mother, and he wasn’t really surprised she hadn’t tried to get in contact. He sucked the life out of his fifth cigarette and crushed it under his heel.

The wall was cold against his back, but the overhanging roof kept him dry, so it was worth it. He wondered where Mrs. Way had got to. She’d smoked next to him for a little while, then disappeared with barely a word. 

He wondered if she’d given in to exhaustion and was napping on a couch somewhere, or maybe hassling the nurses outside Gerard's room. His eyes drooped through thin wisps of smoke as he stared out over the parking lot.

The roar of drops, falling fast and heavy now, was punctuated only by the screech of sirens pulling behind the hospital every now and again. Frank watched the lights blur through the rain. He exhaled, _not_ thinking about who those ambulances might be carrying, or their families, or what they may be going through in the next few days. He only had enough space in his brain for one set of black thoughts. Thoughts which, thankfully, were scattered when a hand landed on his shoulder, and he was met with Mrs. Way’s smiling face.

“He’s awake.”

***

Frank managed to wait patiently outside the room for a whole 45 minutes while Mrs. Way sat with her son. She told him he could come too, but he’d recognised the look on her face and politely declined. He’d waited all night, what was another hour.

He jumped when the door finally opened and Sandra emerged. She looked tired, still, but the lines of a smile were etched onto her face, shoulders slumped in relief. Frank couldn’t help but absorb some of her vibe as she passed him.

“He’s looking forward to seeing you, sweetheart.” she sighed, pausing to pat Frank’s shoulder. He nodded, reaching for the handle, but pulled back when Mrs. Way frowned and opened her mouth again. He suppressed his impatience carefully.

“Honey, he brought up the apartment and I just wanted to apologise that-“

“Sandra, you don’t- honestly, I-“ Frank interrupted.

“No, really, Frankie. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help right now. David and I really tried to help you boys with some rent but it would just be-“ even with his hands both clasped between Mrs. Way’s, Frank continued to protest with a firm shake of the head.

“It was really cool of you to offer.” he said, hoping his sincerity was visible. “Grandpa- Dad’s dad- left me some money for after highschool. October 31st I can access it. It was too generous anyway, really.”

Mrs. Way gazed steadily at him, lifting a hand to brush her finger softly over his cheek. Something melancholy swam through her eyes. Frank frowned, but when he looked again it was gone.

“You sure you’ll manage on your own, sweetheart? You’re more than welcome at the house if you’re ever struggling.” Frank went to argue, but the look on Mrs. Way’s face stopped him. Instead he just smiled and whispered his thanks. What the hell did he do to deserve this woman- this whole family- in his life? Maybe the universe was repaying him for the shitty hand he was dealt. Or maybe the universe didn’t care. Maybe shit like this just happens. Birth, death, earthquakes, floods and the fucking solar eclipses Gerard was so obsessed with- they all just happen, whether there’s some scientist to explain it or not. Maybe this was one of those things. Probably.

“Good.” Mrs. Way said. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when you boys move out.” she sighed. “It’ll be so quiet. Especially with just Mikey. You’d better be back on holidays.” she said, pointing her finger at him.

“Like I could go any period of time without your cooked meals.” Frank said with a half smile.

“Sweet boy." she said. "Not long now, then.” 

They stood for a few moments next to the door before Mrs. Way gathered herself and began to bustle away. Frank watched her, so he was waiting when she turned back to him a few meters down the hall.

“Frankie.” she said. “Hang in there, sweetheart. He wanted to be doing this with you, he really did.” she gestured towards Gerard’s room. Frank closed his eyes and smiled, giving a quick nod.

“I know.”

She waited for a moment and then gave a fluttery wave, before turning back towards the cafeteria. Frank suspected she was going for a cigarette. He shook the nagging craving in the back of his mind and turned to the door. He had more important things to deal with.

***

The room was still dim, soft glow from the bedside lamp the only source of light. It cast Gerard’s face- now free from bandages and tubes- in soft shadow. Frank’s breath caught as he approached, glimpsing the deep purple and red over Gee’s closed eye. He bit on his lip as he pulled a chair up, sitting down quietly. Gerard’s eyes slowly opened and Frank forced a smile, staring fixedly into his boyfriend’s eyes, and not at the angry looking split in his bottom lip.

“Hi, beautiful.” Frank murmured, placing a hand hesitantly on the bedclothes. Gerard snorted- or tried to- wincing immediately.

“Yeah.” he spluttered, rearranging himself a little. “I bet I look like a fucking- fucking picture.” he squirmed, flinching when he moved his head too hard. Frank grimaced and found Gerard’s hand, where he gently rested his own.

“Easy.” he said. Gerard waved his free hand- IV tube nestled in underneath excessive bandaging. Frank averted his eyes, focussing on Gee’s face.

“Poor baby.” Frank whispered, unable to raise his voice in fear it would crack. Neither of them needed him bawling right now.

“A flesh wound.” Gerard muttered. Now it was Frank’s turn to snigger.

“Fucking nerd.” he said, reaching forwards to push Gee’s hair behind his ear, who followed him with his eyes, frowning when Frank pulled back. He broke his hand free and readjusted his hair so it was falling over his face again. Frank rolled his eyes, but his throat tightened when he looked down again, taking in the swelling, and the mottled purple stain spreading over his jaw.

“What happened to you?”

“Don’t look at me like that, Frankie. I’m fine.” Gerard said. Frank gave him a look, running his gaze over Gerard’s body, then glancing pointedly at the monitors above his head.

“Wow… weird that we’re in a hospital then…We should probably go home and stop wasting the doctors’ time-”

Gerard smiled tiredly.

“You know what I mean. You don’t need to look at me like I’m made of glass. I’ll be okay. They’ve got me on the good stuff.” he stage whispered, gaze flicking to the drip above his bed and smiling lopsidedly. Frank’s heart squeezed and he couldn’t help but smile back.

Gee asked whether Mikey’s results were back. Frank told him that Mrs. Way was going to pick them up that evening.

“I kind of get what he means now.” said Gerard, staring out of the window into the full out storm raging over Jersey.

“About the pity thing. You and mom are treating me like an invalid. He’s right. It’s pretty annoying.” he said, chuckling weakly.

Mrs. Way darted in and out, occasionally joining in with the conversation. At around seven she told them that she was going to pick up Mikey’s results and then get some dinner. Frank thanked her when she told him he was welcome to join her in the canteen.”

“Text me if you want to come eat, Frankie.” she called on the way out.

Frank and Gerard exchanged a nervous glance as the door closed behind her.

“Everything’s going to be fine.” said Frank. Gerard closed his eyes, eyelashes black against his cheeks. "Gorgeous boy." he murmured, pressing his hand against Gerard's neck below his bruises. Gerard glared at him but Frank saw right through it.

“Please, Gee.” he said. “Don’t give me that look when I literally can not kiss you.” He ran the knuckle of his index finger, feather light, over Gee’s split lip. “Get better quick for me.” Frank whispered after it was clear Gee wasn't prepared to vocalise whatever was going on in his head. Gerard closed his eyes and nodded.

“I don’t- uhm- I don’t s’pose we can do the whole romantic hospital bed thing…?” Gerard said sheepishly. Frank laughed properly then, the sharp sound cushioned by rain pattering on the window.

“Well… I don’t want to hurt you or something…” Frank said, but he was already getting to his feet.

“You couldn’t.” muttered Gee. Frank nudged Gerard’s good arm and rolled his eyes.

“Alright, princess, enough with the sappy shit, move over.”

Gerard shuffled- painfully slowly- to the far side of the bed, letting Frank slide up next to him. Gingerly he draped an arm over Gerard’s covered waist, pressing his face between his shoulder-blades. He wrinkled his nose. Gee didn’t smell like Gee. He smelt like chemicals and nylon and something distinctly sharp.

“Thank you for coming.” Gerard mumbled after a while. Frank nestled closer and closed his eyes.

“Yeah, well, you know… I thought about hanging out with mom or whatever but there was nothing on TV so-“ he giggled as Gerard half-heartedly drove his good elbow into Frank’s ribs. “Kidding. Thank you for being so strong, baby. Don’t know what I would have done if- Fucking- Just- Don’t ever fucking do that to me again.” Frank replied, voice muffled against Gee’s shoulder.

“Do what?”

“Worry me like that, fucker. Couldn’t sleep. God you’re such a fucking idiot. Right on your doorstep for fuck’s sake. Never a-fucking-gain, Gerard. Not losing you.” he said, then scrunched his face up into Gerard’s hospital gown. “Loser.” he added for good measure.

“Fuck you, Frankie.” huffed Gerard.

“Yeah, fuck you, too.” he mumbled, pressing his nose right into Gerard’s back, imagining what he might smell like if they were at home right now, sleeping in day-old smoke and semi-clean sheets. He sighed. “If I ever find who did this to you, I swear to god I will break their necks. Do jail for the rest of my life, I don’t fucking care.” Gerard went still under Frank’s arm, like he was holding his breath. Frank frowned, but before he could say anything, Gerard exhaled. 

“Thanks, sugar.” he said after an impressive pause. Frank was still frowning, but his suspicious resolve melted away before he could chase his thoughts into any kind of order. The dim gray light outside had darkened to navy blue, and the drumming rain was almost hypnotic. An occasional flash of lightning made them both jump.

“Stay tonight?” Gerard whispered after a while. Frank sniggered.

“Like you could make me leave. Got to sleep on the couch though, babe.” he said firmly as Gee grumbled unhappily. “I know, I know.” Frank sighed. “As much as I’d love to be pressed up against you for hours and be totally, completely not allowed to get my hands all over you-“

“Frankie shut up.” Gerard laughed, batting his arm blindly behind him at Frank, who caught it and folded it back over Gee’s stomach, interlinking their fingers. They lay like that, Frank’s face pressed into Gerard’s warm back, and Gerard clutching Frankie’s hand, until eventually Gerard’s breathing slowed. Frank could feel that he was asleep without asking. Gee always slept first. Frank let himself stay there until the sky outside was inky black, streaked only by glittering raindrops. He pried his hand from Gerard’s grip, and pushed himself- very regretfully- off the bed.

His smile was just a little empty as he passed a nurse in the corridor, and he found his hands twitching once more for a cigarette. As he wandered around the hospital, dodging anyone looking official, he let his thoughts drift. Mrs. Way was nowhere to be found with Mikey's results. Frank opted not to call her. He pretended this was through curtesy rather than cowardice.

When Frank snuck back into Gee’s room in the dead of night, he’d bitten his nails right down and his hair was sticking up from running his hands through it. He trod lightly over to his sleeping boyfriend, looking down at him for a moment before picking up his hand. He held it gently to his lips for a moment, closing his eyes. He placed Gerard’s hand back where it was, curled at the rim of his bedclothes, and ran a finger over his forearm before stepping back.

“Goodnight, gorgeous.” he whispered, before retreating to the too-small couch and settling himself down for another sleepless night. At least being tiny had its slight advantages, he thought as he pulled his jacket out from under him to use as a pillow. 

He woke up a few times with a wicked ache in his shoulders, glancing over at Gerard automatically, just checking that he was still there, which he always was. And when sleep pulled him back under, he dreamt of shining neon aliens communicating in beeps, and werwolves tearing them to pieces as they landed their shiny black spaceship on earth. Frank never remembered his dreams, and tonight was no exception. By the time the sun fell in slices under the blinds, every trace had vanished from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break. School and rehearsals are just..  
> ***  
> I hope this isn't boring I don't???  
> ***  
> Mxo


	11. Keep You Feet On The Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o o p s

Frank held Gerard’s hand when they finally left the hospital two days later.

He’d been home to shower and change on Friday, but returned to the hospital before his mother even got back from work. As expected, there was no sign of his dad. The old truck was in the driveway. Mom must have walked to the station that morning. A shard of guilt split through him. He’d taken his own mother’s fucking car. He hesitated before groaning to himself and dashing back inside to grab the keys to the truck. The least he could do was steal the shittier of the two family vehicles.

Frank would have to take the train back to the hospital tomorrow to pick up the truck, but that was cool with him. He was feeling jittery, like he might burst, and he wasn’t sure quite what was doing it. Nerves maybe, maybe something close to excitement. He rested his head back against the seat, staring out of the window.

Mrs. Way had point blank refused to discuss Mikey’s results with either of them up until this point, but now, as they turned onto the highway, she took a deep breath.

“Boys, as you know, I have some news.”

Gerard’s fingers curled tighter around Frank’s as his eyes snapped open. Frank knew he feared the worst. They’d spent all of yesterday avoiding the subject, but Frank could tell. Just like he could tell that he was nowhere near cracking Gerard on the whole who-the-fuck-nearly-killed-you situation.

“I wanted to wait to tell you so you weren’t tempted to spill before tell Mikey. David and I wanted to do it as a family.” said Mrs. Way slowly, voice revealing nothing. Gerard’s hand was a vice, cutting off all the blood to Frank’s fingers. He bit his lip and endured it.

“And remember that, no matter what, we’re going to stick together.” Mrs. Way continued. Gerard took a breath. Frank glanced at him. His eyes were wide, whites almost shining agains the purple swelling over the socket. He looked so damaged. Frank turned to stare at the back of Mrs. Way’s seat. The roar of the engine felt too loud, the buzz becoming agitating. He sucked his lip ring into his mouth.

“So… here it is.” Mrs. Way said, brandishing a piece of paper over her shoulder, eyes fixed on the road. Frank and Gerard stiffened, looking at each other briefly before they both broke hands to reach forwards. They didn’t laugh when their fingers bumped. Frank let Gerard take it, watching his expression carefully as he scanned the paper. He bit down hard on his lip, willing the crease in Gerard’s brow to loosen…

“Fuck!” said Gerard suddenly, looking up in his mother’s direction and returning his attention to the paper, eyes flying over the words for a second time.

“What?” Frank said gingerly. Mrs. Way was silent in the front seat.

“What the _fuck_ ” breathed Gerard, turning the paper over in his hands, then flipping back to the front cover.

“Gee-“

“Mom is that even possible?” Gerard burst, smile finally breaking over his face. Frank exhaled heavily and grabbed the paper from Gee’s hands.

“They didn’t think so, honey, but apparently-” Mrs. Way’s voice was heavy, like she might be about to cry. Frank skipped over the first paragraph, but was stopped in his tracks when the word **remission** jumped out of him.

“Wait, what?” he said aloud. Mrs. Way exhaled on a noise which was half laugh, half sob. Gerard punched the air, then grimaced and cradled his arm to his chest. “No, wait.” Frank said, leaning forwards to drop the paper on top of the pile of documents on the front seat. “I don’t get it. I thought he wouldn’t start to show any signs of improvement until, like, third cycle of chemo. He’s had one…”

“The doctor said they may have mis-diagnosed him.” said Sandra. Gerard huffed and leant against Frank gently.

“What the fuck?” Frank mimicked Gerard, finding his hand again and squeezing. “So… this is fucking _awesome_. So is this, like…. Does this mean he’s going to get better?” Frank looked between Gee and the back of Mrs. Way’s head. She tilted it slightly.

“Well all it means, sweetheart, is that the symptoms, and the cancer itself, is showing signs of reduction. He still needs treatment, and a careful reevaluation by the hospital. They’re calling in specialists.” she said, making an air quote with one hand. Gerard rolled his eyes, sass still evidently on top form despite his injuries.

“Mom, they actually are specialists, you don’t need to quote it.” he mumbled. Frank squeezed his hand, surpassing a giggle. The rush of adrenaline to his system was making him jittery in a totally different way than before.

“How the fuck did you keep that to yourself since Thursday?” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“It was’t easy, honey.” Mrs. Way chuckled. “It’ll be worth it when we tell Mikey the news. Now, on that subject…” she said, more firmly. “Let’s be objective, okay? We’re still not in the clear with this thing. Mikes needs our support now more than ever, so we need to stay behind him a hundred percent.” she said. Gerard closed his eyes and smiled. Frank answered on his behalf, reassuring her that they’d carry on as normal until Mikes beat this motherfucker into the ground.

“Glad to hear it.” she said, indicating into a rest stop. “Who wants coffee?”

***

Mikey was asleep when they got home. Much to Gerard’s dismay, Mrs. Way didn’t let them wake him.

“He needs the rest. If he’s not up by dinner you can go get him, okay?”

Gerard grumbled to himself as Frank dragged him off downstairs, but was happy enough once he was snuggled up in bed. Frank smiled at him from the desk chair.

“What are you thinking about, babe?” he asked. Gerard blinked around the room.

“Mikey.” he said, gaze drifting to the side. Frank frowned.

“Liar.” He got up so he could sit at the end of the bed. Gerard pouted and patted at the pillows next to him. Frank pretended to be put out, rolling his eyes as he crawled over. He dropped himself down a safe distance from Gerard, who still looked fragile with his bandaged arm and battered face.

“Something else is bothering you.” Frank said matter of factly, rolling onto his back. He could feel Gee’s reaction more than see it. The subtle change in his body language was something anyone other than Mikey might have missed. Gerard sighed.

“I’m just- uh- I just hope Mikey’s doing okay, Frankie. That’s all. I hope the doctors are right. You know, they made one mistake before what if this is just another one.”

Frank shifted so he was looking at Gerard again. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe him. Frank knew that Gerard _was_ worried about Mikey, but there was something else, and he had a sinking feeling he knew just what it was about.

“Gee why won’t you tell me what happened.” he said, flopping his arm next to Gerard’s; the universal symbol for hold-my-motherfucking-hand. Gee didn’t take the hint. He was too busy staring at the ceiling. After a stretch of silence that was too long for even Gerard’s thinking time, Frank moved.

“Okay listen.” he said, sitting up. “I don’t want to make you talk about anything that’s going to upset you, but you’re freaking me out with this secretive shit, Gee. And no matter what it is, I want to be here for you. If I can, I want to help. You know how it gets when you start keeping stuff to yourself.” Frank said, moving again so he could see Gerard’s face from behind his hair. Finally Gee had the decency to look at him. Frank raised an eyebrow. “Okay?” he murmured. “I’m here.” Gee lifted his arm and took Frank’s hand in his at last, tugging gently. Frank knelt up and followed where Gerard was pulling him. After a second he caught on.

“I can’t, like, sit on you, baby.” he said, kneeling next to Gerard over the duvet. He probably looked gross from this angle, too, but there wasn’t much he was willing to do about it. “I don’t want to make anything… uhm, worse.” he said, gesturing vaguely to Gerard’s arm.

“Fucking get over here, motherfucker.” was his reply. Frank hesitated for a second and then sighed, once again giving in to Gerard’s puppy-dog face.

“Asshole.” he muttered as he carefully swung is knee over Gerard’s hips. He raised an eyebrow. “Happy?”

Gee eyed him from where he was propped, ghosting a hand at Frank’s waist.

“Properly.” he said, raising an eyebrow as Frank’s thighs began to shake with the strain of keeping his weight up.

“Gerard, I don’t want to-“

“I’ll be fine! All the bad shit is on my back and chest, okay?” he said, tapping impatiently at Frank’s side with his fingers. After another half second of deliberation, Frank let himself drop his weight down. Gee smiled sweetly at him.

“Much better.”

Frank shifted a little and he watched the smile fall from Gerard’s face as his lips parted slightly. Frank’s breath caught and he reached a hand out automatically, running a finger over Gee’s cheek, which was quickly flushing.

“Baby, we can’t.” Frank whispered, touching the bruised side of Gerard’s cheek. Gerard closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Frank’s hip.

“Do you want to?” Gerard breathed slowly, fixing a slow gaze on Frank which revved his heart nought to sixty in about half a millisecond.

“Fuck- I-“ Gerard was getting hard underneath him and Frank was fighting the urge to roll his hips down.

“Frankie.” said Gee, voice low. “Do you want to?” He repeated, sliding his hand down over Frank’s stomach and to the band of his jeans. Awesome, now Frank was half hard and being forced to make responsible decisions. He didn’t move from Gerard’s lap, though, dropping his hand around to cup Gerard’s neck, he bit hard on his lip ring.

“Gee, you’re not- We can’t yet. Tomorrow maybe. You just got home.” his lungs felt tight in his chest, and his dick was completely confused about this refusing-sex-with-Gerard thing Frank had going on, but he knew he had to. He avoided Gerard’s loaded gaze, ready to roll off onto his side of the bed. Before the message reached his limbs, his whole body went rigid, because suddenly Frank’s pants were undone and Gerard’s warm hands were scrabbling around none too carefully.

Frank huffed a strained laugh and made another reluctant attempt to move away, but at that moment Gee’s hand tightened around his dick and a shiver shot right the way up his spine.

“Pants, sugar.” Gerard said, frustrated when he couldn’t quite get the angle he needed. Frank moaned and shot Gee his best attempt at a scowl. “It’s been over a week, babe.” murmured Gee, hand still moving despite the tight pull of denim around Frank’s hips. “Missed you.” Frank took a shuddery breath and swore to himself. He earned a squeal from Gerard as he knelt up, pushed his jeans down along with his boxers, kicked them off the side of the bed, and very gently placed himself back between Gee’s legs, cursing his weak resolve along the way.

“But you- You’ve got to take it easy, princess.” Frank gritted out as Gerard jacked him slowly, right over his stomach.

“Don’t worry.” Gee said lightly. “You can do all the work.” his voice dropped again and he moved- perhaps a little quicker than his injuries should allow- to slide his hand under Frank’s tee, leaving his nerves tingling with every tiny, warm circle of contact. “Off.” he said, eyes wide as they watched Frank move. For once he didn’t even get it stuck on his head as he pulled the thing off by the neck. He didn’t have much time to be pleased with himself though, because Gerard was squirming again.

“What- I- what, baby, are you okay?” Frank asked, a little breathlessly, as Gerard’s face crumpled. He waved his hand quickly- his new replacement for nodding, Frank had learnt- and pointed to the nightstand.

“Lube.” he said, raising an eyebrow when Frank just stared at him. He ran a hand through his hair and gazed at Gerard, whose eyes were dark.

“Gee, we really can’t. I really think it’s a bad idea for you to-“

“Who said anything was happening to _me_?” Gerard whispered, smile lighting him up as Frank’s eyes widened. Words were forming somewhere in the back of his mind, but every single path to his mouth was severed with each passing second. So, Instead he scrambled off Gerard’s lap, digging around in the nightstand and throwing a small, familiar bottle and a condom onto the bed. He was back on top of Gee before either of them had even blinked.

Frank could see Gerard opening his mouth, and the sarky smile in his eyes, and there was no way he was letting that train of thought see the light of day. So Frank leant forwards, supporting his weight with a hand either side of Gerard’s head on the back wall.

“Not a word, motherfucker.” he whispered, pressing his lips against the left side of Gerard’s jaw- the clean side. He brought a hand up to Gee’s neck and rested it there, running his thumb gently along the damaged skin. Gerard sighed, and Frank could feel the control leaving him as he relaxed.

“Gonna be careful with you, baby.” Frank breathed against his ear. He dropped his head down to suck at his neck and could feel the fast kick of his pulse against his lips. He was too lost in the feeling of Gerard warm underneath him to hear the small snap of a bottle top, but he sure as fuck noticed when cool fingers pressed against his ass. He pressed his face into Gerard’s neck and moaned as a first finger slipped inside him.

“God, princess, I’ve missed you like this.” he said, voice heavy as he dropped his head back. His train of thought withered as he brought his eyes down to meet Gerard’s. The spark in his gut was so fierce that it almost knocked him forwards. Instead he ran a hand through his hair and swept his gaze down. He could feel Gerard doing the same. “I wish I could see you.” he breathed, tugging at the hem of Gee’s shirt. Gerard just smiled and shook his head, crooking his fingers inside Frank and drawing a long moan out of him. Gee giggled then coughed a little. Frank froze immediately. Gerard cut him off before he’d started with a warning glance which said _i’m fucking fine_. Frank nodded. His mouth dropped open as he began to circle his hips back, pressing into Gerard’s hand. Gee was laughing again and Frank narrowed his eyes.

“Mom’s upstairs.” Gerard said in a calming voice. “Shh.” He nodded again, tossing his hair.

Frank was buzzing all over. The fizz in his abdomen easily taking his mind off the slow burn in his thighs by a long shot. Frank held his grip on Gerard’s neck as he pressed himself down, soft curses streaming from his lips as Gerard worked him.

“God, can’t wait until you’re better, baby. Want you all over me. Going to touch you- fuck- so hot- so fucking hot, princess. Wish I could see all of you right now-“ he cut himself off sharply, recognising when he was at risk of getting really fucking loud. Gerard smiled up at him, then his eyes sharpened with a focus that Frank only saw when he was drawing or… doing this, really. The rest of the time, it was easy to wonder if Gerard was actually looking at you, or imagining some whole other universe in his head.

Frank whined- like actually whined- when Gee pulled his hand away, jacking Frank once, twice before grabbing his hand and guiding it to the hem of Gerard’s pants… and _honestly_ , thank God Gerard was wearing sweats, because Frank definitely didn’t have the brain power to be dealing with buckles at a time like this. He pushed them down and hissed as Gerard’s cock brushed against his thigh. Gee’s fingers were pulling his ass forwards, then slipping back inside him again driving shallow gasps from Frank every time they curled them just the right way. He slapped a hand over his mouth as a third finger slid alongside the others. He forced himself not to lean forwards and grab his boyfriend, who was definitely getting little to nothing out of this, seeing as Frank had turned into a ball of floppy uselessness right on top of him.

“You’re so- _fuck,_ Gerard.” Gee looked up at him, and in the dim light Frank could almost forget the mess some assholes had made of his face. Almost. Frank’s back arched as Gerard’s fingers hit the right spot for the fourth time in a row. “Fuck me, baby.” he breathed. “I’ll do the- I just want to feel you, Gerard- please.” he said, leaning forwards again to latch his lips to Gerard’s neck, who hummed from somewhere above him. Frank eased his hand down Gerard’s neck to his shoulder, testing his strength. When Gee didn’t flinch he held his hand there, palm against his collarbone.

He felt Gee nodding against him and pulling his fingers slickly out of Frank. He took a couple of breaths, resting his fingers at the base of his dick absently while he watched Gerard suck his split lip into his mouth as he concentrated on his hands, tongue running over the cut as he fumbled with the condom packet. For a twisted second Frank wanted to get his own mouth over Gee’s- lick over the swollen spot and feel the warmth of it. He shook his hair from his face and blinked up at the ceiling. He didn’t have time to start developing new kinks right now.

His thoughts were fried by a sudden burst of pleasure as Gerard found what he was looking for, his dick pressing hot against Frank’s ass. He moaned -probably a little too loudly, though Gerard didn’t complain- as he sank himself onto Gee’s cock slowly. He waited, comprehending for a moment how full he felt- because apparently it still fucking surprised him- before he started to move.

It didn’t take him long to work up a pace, hand slick with sweat against Gerard’s clothed shoulder, the material balled up in his palm.

“You’re mine, baby.” he growled, fucking himself down until bursts of fire were burning through him with every thrust. “Fuck you’re so good, Gee. All fucking mine. So fucking big, Jesus. Feels so good, princess- fuck.” Gerard was pushing his hips forward erratically as much as his sore ribs and head would allow.

“If I ever see anyone lay a hand on you- If anyone ever marks that pretty skin again-“ he breathed, loosening his grip on Gerard’s tee and instead sliding his hand underneath the collar. He ran his thumb gently over the indentation there, closing his eyes as he felt the coil tightening in the pit of his stomach.

“God- can’t fucking stand it. Never letting you out of my sight, princess. Need you here. Need- Fuck, I need this, baby.” his hand slipped down his stomach and onto his dick, stroking himself in time with his downward thrusts. When he dropped his gaze his stomach tightened,

Gerard’s eyes weren’t closed like they often were at this point. Frank was used to seeing his boyfriend’s hair spread out on the white sheet behind him, eyelashes fluttering against pink cheeks while his mouth hung open- just feeling. Gerard was like that with a lot of things. He blocked shit out so he could centre all his attention on something. Frank loved it in this particular instance- watching Gerard’s face contorting, completely centred on the way Frank was making him feel. This time though, it was different. Gee was propped in front of him, almost face to face, and his eyes were open.

Frank’s breath caught when he saw, holding Gerard’s gaze as he moved his hand faster over his cock. He saw Gerard’s gaze dart down, and his pupils dilate impossibly further, consuming almost his whole iris into little black wells. Frank moaned and lost his timing, bringing himself down twice more before coming hard all over Gerard’s chest, cock pulsing in his hand and his boyfriend’s name on his lips. Gerard’s mouth fell open and Frank forced himself through the sting of oversensitivity- still fucking Gerard’s cock, determined for him to finish inside him.

“Come on, beautiful.” he panted. “I feel so fucking full of you, baby, it’s fucking- It’s so- Come on.”

Gerard moaned- way louder than Frank did, for the record- and came deep inside Frank. His eyes slipped closed and he tapped lightly on Frank’s bare hip. Frank took the signal and, very slowly, pulled himself up, flopping unceremoniously to the side, his legs still draped over Gerard.

“Wow.” he said. Gerard fucking giggled. “My legs are tingly.” Frank turned his head slowly to look at Gerard. A cloud formed in his hazy mind when he saw the purple bruises over Gee’s face, clearer now through the dark than they’d seemed before. He shifted onto his stomach, wincing against the tacky mess they were lying in.

“I love you, princess.” He whispered, reaching up to sweep Gerard’s hair back. This time he didn't try and rearrange it afterwards. He simply flashed Frank a tired smile and wiped his hand half heartedly against the duvet.

“Orgasms are a painkiller, you know.” he said thickly. Frank giggled and rolled over of the bed to head for the bathroom.

“Interesting.” he called behind him. “We should probably take advantage of that as much as possible.” he said. Gerard’s squawky drunk-laugh echoed from the other room, except he wasn’t drunk. Maybe morphine had more side effects than the doctors were letting on.

Frank grimaced at his reflection in the mirror, then he changed his mind and smiled, because _fuck yeah_ that was his boyfriends come all over his chest, who gives a shit.

“Think you can manage a shower, beautiful?” asked Frank, wrinkling his nose at the sink faucet and deciding that the most efficient course of action would be full submersion. Gerard groaned loudly and the bedclothes rustled. Shortly afterwards he appeared in the doorway.

“If you wanna get me naked and into the tub then sure…”

***

Frank spent maybe a little longer than necessary dabbing a flannel all over Gerard’s chest. “It’s only fair, dude.” he said when Gerard protested that he wanted to go to sleep. “Didn’t get to see it the rest of the time.”

Gee grumbled but didn’t kick up too much of a fuss, so Frank knew he was secretly enjoying himself.

He pursed his lips, spraying warm water over wide contusions littering Gee’s chest and back. He bit back his anger and the sharp pricks in his eyes when Gerard winced. Instead of shouting or crying like he kind of wanted to, he just apologised softly and moved the showerhead elsewhere. For once neither of them spoke, the only sound echoing through the bathroom was the patter of water, and Gerard sniffing occasionally against the steamy air.

Mikey didn’t wake up that evening, and Mrs. Way had the foresight not to come down and fetch them for dinner… or maybe they were just being louder than Frank thought… either way, they ended up in the kitchen close to midnight looking for food. As expected, there were leftovers in the fridge. Frank watched carefully to make sure Gerard was eating before he even started on his own, and needless to say, they ended up throwing bread at each other and laughing loud enough that Mr. Way shouted down the stairs for them to shut up.

***

4am smoke hung below the ceiling as Frank tried to blow rings at Gee, who’d been trying to get to sleep for hours.

“This is fucking stupid.” sighed Gerard blearily. Frank nodded and blew another deformed ring at the ceiling. “We should be asleep.” whined Gerard, pulling his blanket over him.

“You’re the one who got beaten up.” Frank muttered. Gerard scowled at him. “Hey, don’t give me that.” Frank said, cigarette hanging from his mouth as he raised his arms in surrender. “I held you while you cried earlier and didn’t laugh at you even once.”

“Yeah you did.” pouted Gerard. “You called me Princess Cryalot then left me alone for a whole, like, ten minutes.”

Frank snorted. “More like ten _seconds_ , Gee.” he said. Gerard continued to scowl at him. “I was going to get you tissues and a soda!”

Gerard jut folded his good arm against his chest and closed his eyes moodily. Frank sighed and stubbed his cigarette agains the bottom of a sneaker lying on the floor.

“Come here, gorgeous.” he said, sniggering when Gerard turned his head away theatrically. He crawled over the bed to lie next to Gee with his arms open. “Drama queen.” Frank sighed, nudging him gently. It took a few tries, but eventually Gerard gave in, shuffling over and leaning his back against Frankie’s chest, lying between his legs.

“I’m so tired.” Gerard mumbled, hair tickling the side of Frank’s face.

“Me too.”

“But it really hurts.”

“I know.”

Wind whistled through the cracks in the window pane, rattling the latch with every gust.

“Frankie, I’m crushing you.” Gerard said, his words all slurring into one. Frank smiled and pressed his face into Gerard’s hair.

“You’re not, baby. Keeping me warm.” he whispered. “Try and sleep, I’ve got you.” he said, slipping his arms around Gerard’s middle, clasping his hands over his lower stomach. Gerard squirmed momentarily, but the fight went out of him fast. Frank closed his eyes, lost in the soft feeling of Gee pressing down on him like a heavy blanket, and for once, he wasn’t scared of how safe he felt. He wasn’t scared that it would be torn out from under him at any moment. He was just happy, feeling his boyfriend breathe in and out under his hands.

Frank was on the cusp of sleep himself when Gerard eventually shifted. He moved off of Frank and curled up next to him, hands balling in Frank’s tee. Frank ran a hand through his hair and turned over, facing Gerard.

“Hey, princess.” he whispered. Gerard hummed low in his throat by way of response. “I love you… even when you keep me up until four in the morning.” he said. Gerard groaned into the mattress and swatted in Frank’s direction. He giggled tiredly and found Gee’s hand.

“I love you even when you’re a fucking asshole.” Gerard said, voice muffled almost incomprehensibly. Frank laughed some more, then petered out as he pulled a blanket over them both.

“G’night Gee.” he whispered.

“Night Frankie.” came a soft reply, and then the room was filled with the sound of light snoring as Gerard finally drifted off to sleep. Frank smiled and petted his hair before turning over and letting himself be pulled into unconsciousness too.

***

When Frank woke up, the bed was empty, but he could hear the muted sounds of breakfast happening upstairs. When he wandered up fifteen minutes later, Mrs. Way beamed at him from the stove.

“I’ve got some pancakes for you, sweetheart.” she said brightly, gesturing to the pan she was holding. “Mikey’s up.” she said conspiratorially.

“You told him the good news.” he asked, supporting himself with the back of a kitchen chair. Mrs. Way nodded.

“Yep. He’s all nervous about the doctors’ appointment now.” she said, shaking her head. Frank raised his eyebrows and smiled, stretching his arms as he went to sit at the table. Mrs. Way flapped at him, dropping the pan back onto the hob.

“Go in the living room, honey. I’ll bring this in.” she said. Frank thanked her and headed to the door, stopping just before he got there.

“Is Gee-?”

“With Mikey, yes, darling.” she said with another smile. “They’ve been playing video games all morning.”

Frank ducked his head and nodded, turning to the door. His thighs were aching in a way he tried not to think about as he flopped onto the couch. He felt warm. Even when he almost panicked after catching sight of the clock, he quickly settled down again. He’d thought he was missing group, but soon enough he remembered that he didn’t have to do that bullshit anymore. All the same, he was a little bummed he wouldn’t see Lyndsey or Evan for a while. That could be arranged, though. Distantly, through his daydreams, Frank could hear Mrs. Way calling her boys downstairs, and he still wasn’t fully present when he heard a stamping coming from his right.

Mikey stormed into the room, beanie slipping down over his eyes and pyjamas having off him like burlap on a scarecrow. Frank flinched at the force of his entrance, snapping back into focus, confused.

“Hey Mikes. Dude, you look-“

“What the fuck, Frank?” he spat, voice still reedy, but notably stronger than Frank had heard in… well… Mikey wasn’t animated at the best of times, even before he got diagnosed, so… who knows.

“Mikey?” before Frank could register anything other than shock, Mikey was towering above him, eyes burning a hole right through his skull.

“Don’t ‘Mikey’ me. How the fuck could you allow something like this to happen?” he said. Frank blinked up at him, wondering what on earth he was missing. “Well? I thought yo were the one who needed protecting from this shit, but apparently not.” Mikey said, voice raising to a squeaky pitch which was more easily associated with the older of the Way boys. “Got nothing to say all of a sudden? Your shit’s your shit, Frank, it was _your responsibility_ not to let it become anyone else issue. Some boyfriend you are, all ‘I love him more than anything else’. Yeah, very fucking loyal, Frank. After all he’s done for you to protect you from that asshole, and you fucking put him in danger like this. He could have _died_ Iero. It would have been _your fault_. Your fault for dragging him into all of this-” Mikey was jabbing a finger in Frank’s direction and suddenly Mrs. Iero was there, standing behind Mikey with an arm on his shoulder. Wide eyed, she said

“That’s enough.” into his ear and ushered him hastily away from a shellshocked Frank. His eyes flickered to the bottom of the stairs, where Gerard was standing forlornly in his pyjamas- hand on the bannister.

“Just what the _hell_ is going on here? Mikey what’s gotten into you?” Mrs. Way said, looking between them with a hard gaze.

“Fucking Iero curse, that’s what.” Mikey hissed. Gerard visibly flinched from the other side of the room. Mrs. Way stepped forwards to scold her son.

“Michael, I said that’s enough.” she snapped. “Explain to me what’s happening right now. Why are you shouting at Frankie?” She stood by the armchair with her arms folded. Frank got to his feet, so at least he wasn’t the only one sitting, and looked at Mikey expectantly.

“Nice.” Mikey said bitterly. “Really nice, you didn’t even tell mom about it.”

“I told you. He doesn’t know, Mikes.” Gerard mumbled from the corner. Frank looked at him again, eyebrows drawing together.

“Know what?” he asked carefully, watching Mikey’s sharp expression, his mouth scrunched up, eyes narrowed.

“Know what, Michael?” Mrs. Way repeated, voice harsh as before. It sent a chill down Frank’s spine. He sighed internally, waving goodbye to the last of the warm feeling he’d had when he woke up. The pause stretched so far it was sickening. Frank didn’t know if he could take much more of this accusatory glare from his skinnier-than-ever best friend. He held himself where he was though, resisting the urge to run. He kept his eyes off Gerard, too. He felt like looking to him might make matters worse.

Mikey shifted on his feet, gaze darting over to his brother lightning fast. Mrs. Way’s brow was furrowing further, if that was possible. The grandfather clock in the hall ticked out, too loud in the sudden silence of the living room.

“Frank’s dad nearly killed my big brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S o r r y - usual drill with the smut attempt, ignore it if it's cringe.  
> ***  
> ?? IDK ??  
> ***  
> Just got out of a trip to Eastbourne with my damn cold thank the fucking lord. Hope you're all okay this week.  
> Mxo


	12. I Walk The Line

Mrs. Way and Gerard tried to stop him as he flew to the door, barely bothering with shoes, but they let him go when he struggled against them. He stumbled down the driveway to the car and slammed himself into the driver’s seat, flooring it into reverse as soon as the engine was on. He caught the briefest glance of his boyfriend and Mrs. Way in the doorway, and Mikey -still standing where he was- through the living room window.

Cold anger settled over him as he drove, and when he pulled into the driveway he was seething. This was too much. He knew his dad was a jerk, a drunk, and a fucking piece of shit father, but he would never, ever have expected him capable of anything like this. Questions were blooming black in his head.

He knew why. The motive was clear enough. That wasn’t his concern. He wanted to know fucking _how_ he did it. How he could bring himself to harm someone as helpless as Gerard. Hate your son, even beat up your fucking son, Frank thought, but don't fucking touch Gerard. 

He parked the truck on an angle in the driveway, not caring that the wheels were sunk three inches into Mrs. Iero’s flower bed, not caring that he was blocking her car. He pulled the keys from the ignition and stormed into the house; straight to his room. He ignored the shuffling from the kitchen left in his wake. In a blur he pulled his old backpack from the closet and began stuffing various items into it. His bathroom echoed with the sound of slamming drawers, and the clink of the holder when he pulled his toothbrush and razor from it.

He felt sick, but he pushed it down as he slammed himself out of the room, bag slung over his shoulder. He was too upset to even cast a glance behind him to Pansy as he thundered back downstairs, planning to head straight back out of the door. He gritted his teeth and dropped the truck keys on the hallway floor. He wasn’t taking it. This was his life now, and he didn’t want these _people_ to be any part of it. Not even just for a shitty truck.

A creak from behind startled him, and when he turned around he stiffened, backing towards the door. As he went his gaze snagged on something in the living room. Something lumpy and human shaped. He almost heaved as he saw his father lying there, face to the back of the couch, sleeping. He couldn’t bare to look at him. Even dead to the world, just his form on the other side of the room flared Frank’s nausea. He turned instead to the looming rake-like figure emerging from the kitchen.

“You knew.” he spat, eyes narrowed, unconcerned with keeping his voice down. His fist clenched around the strap of his backpack. Mrs. Iero had her hands clasped. She said nothing, staring at him with this lost look like for once in his life he’d caught her speechless. Her silence was both her admission, and the only surrender he had ever received from either of his parents. “You knew when he came back and you didn’t tell me. You…you _stayed_ with him.” Frank said, edge of disbelief sharp on his words. He started to shake his head, backing himself against the wall as his mother stepped forwards. She opened her mouth but he’d had enough, making for the front door.

“Fuck you. Fuck you, Lucy, you’re cold.” he said, hand closing around the door handle. She stopped in her tracks, lips parted slightly as she caught the expression on her son’s face. He wondered if she was really seeing him now, or still creating some image of her son and projecting it over him like paint on canvas. She lifted a hand and Frank flinched. Her brow knitted as she dropped it again. “Don’t even try.” he said, voice rough. “I don’t ever want to speak to you again, either of you.” he gestured to the sleeping lump of his father in the living room. “If it fucking means anything to you he nearly fucking _killed_ him.” Frank said, voice rising. He watched his mother’s face. “My motherfucking boyfriend nearly died. Do you get it? My only- my fucking best friend. Not that you give a shit- and not that it’s any of your _fucking_ concern… but he lived.” Chest heaving, he dropped the door handle and stood up straight. “And if that miserable fucking excuse for a father ever comes near either of us again, I’m calling the police. Do you fucking understand me?” Mrs. Iero actually nodded. He masked his surprise with a dip of the head. “I’m leaving now.” he said, taking a deep breath, exhaling steadily, calmly. “And I’m not coming back. And, you know what, Lucy? I hope it doesn’t fuck you up too badly that I’m gonna go spend time with some people who allow me to be who I am. I hope that doesn’t get to you. And I hope your little church crew don’t bully you too hard that your son’s a fag. Make something up if you want. Tell them I went to law school. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? Or tell them I died.” he said bitterly. “Maybe that’s easier.” The words were probably hurting him more than Lucy, who was staring blankly at him, expression fixed. Frank shook his head, refusing to break now.

“For all the fucking hype in this family about how queers are some sub-quality breed of human… He loves me, Mom.” Frank dared her to break eye contact, feet set apart on the doormat. The silence in the hall was splinteringly sharp. “and that’s more than you could do.”

It was barely a whisper, but at that, she closed her eyes. Usually pristine locks of hair fell in wisps from behind her ear. Frank didn’t stay in time to watch her turn her back.

“I’ll pick the rest of my stuff up next week.” he grunted on his way out of the door. “Don’t fucking burn it or whatever.”

He was at the bottom of the driveway, heading onto the street when a voice stopped him.

“Frankie.” his mother called. He spun around, tears finally leaking down his face. His whole body was numb. The house in front of him blurring, his mother reduced to a shaky blob. She didn’t speak for a moment, just standing on the porch like she maybe wanted to follow, but gave up. Frank dropped his hands to his sides.

“What?” he shouted, feeling the shakes begin to creep over him. Another long pause was accompanied by the low rumble of traffic from the parkway. He blinked the water away and caught a glimpse of his mother’s expression. He shivered.

“Take the truck.” she said, throwing the keys he’d dropped. They skittered over the driveway, tinkling to a stop by his feet. “It’s yours.”

He stared at the keys for a moment before crouching down, clutching the cool metal in his hand. His jaw set as he straightened up, ready to say something- anything. Ready to tell her to keep it, that he didn’t want it from her- but the porch was empty. The sound of the front door swinging closed hit harder than he'd like to admit. Frank took a shaky breath and nodded to himself. This was it, then.

Onwards.

“Hey, Evan, how’ve you been.” Frank said, pressing the speaker button on his phone and tossing it onto the passenger seat as he backed out of his parents’ driveway. “I don’t s’pose that apartment is still available?”

***

“Frankie could you just get in the car?” Lyndsey sighed with an impressive roll of her eyes.

“Lynds-ey,” he said, mocking her tone. “I can’t just turn up! Evan said we’d get everything sorted tomorrow.”

Lyndsey sighed.

“Let’s go over this again. Do you have anywhere else to stay.” Frank cocked his head and shot her a look. “Didn’t think so. And is staying with your boyfriend an option right now?” she said, raising an eyebrow at him through the window. He scowled and stomped around the car. She smiled at him with ruby red lips as he slumped in the passenger seat. “Thank you.” she said, accelerating along main street far too quickly.

“So,” she said as they swerved onto the bridge into Belleville. “He’s mad because-“

“Because he thinks I fucking, like, set Gerard up or some shit, I don’t know.”

Lyndsey pursed her lips and glanced at him before indicating into a side-street.

“Frankie, he doesn’t think that.”

Frank sighed and nodded, letting his head drop back against the seat. He clutched his backpack to his chest.

“Yeah, I know.” he muttered. “I get why he’s upset, you know… I just- I guess I’m just- He’s not that far wrong.” he said. Lyndsey frowned again, and pulled into a space at the side of the road. Frank glanced around. The street was quiet, trees growing from cracks in the pavement and old trash bags sitting in the storm drains.

“What, that you could have somehow stopped any of this? Don’t be fucking stupid. Frankie, you had no way of knowing. No way of stopping-“

“But I told them about Gee.” he said, staring straight ahead. In his peripheral vision Lyndsey shifted towards him. "It was selfish- I was just mad at my parents. Using him as a weapon against them is really, super fucked up, I-" A hand landed on his shoulder.

“Stop beating yourself up.” she said. He shook his head and dropped his gaze into his lap. “This is a shitty, awful, hateful thing, Frank, and that’s not on your shoulders." She shrugged. "Blood's not your choice, you know."

“Gerard hasn’t even called.” Frank whispered, turning his head to the window. Lyndsey’s grip on his shoulder didn’t let up. “Give him time.” she said, voice soft. “We all just need a little time occasionally. It's a big thing.” Frank sniffed and nodded, running his hoodie sleeve across his face and sitting up. Lyndsey let go of his shoulder and unbuckled both of their seatbelts in one swoop. “Anyway. While we wait, we’ve got our own stuff to do.” She said, grabbing her purse from the back seat and opening the door in a businesslike manner. “No time for all this sentimental bullshit. Let’s go get you an apartment.”

***

“So… I don’t have to be eighteen as long as I have the money… but I can’t tell anyone that-“

“Under pain of death.” Evan’s friend- Stevie, as he’d been introduced- cut in. Lyndsey apparently called him ahead of time, he was waiting when they arrived at the rickety building halfway down the street. His voice deep and gravelly. It was the voice of a smoker. It made sense that the whole place kinda smelled like a chimney.

When Evan had told him that it was an attic room, he wasn’t kidding. The building was old, with hardwood stairs giving way to something which could be best describes as a stepladder leading up to Frank’s room. There was a rusted golden number eight hammered into the peeling white door, despite the fact that there can’t have been more than three apartments in the place.

It was dusty inside. Two circular windows shed afternoon light over the bedroom and kitchen respectively. It was fairly small, front door opening straight into the ‘living room’. This was made up of a couch and TV crammed in front of the kitchen unit. Two doors- open when Frank and Lindsey arrived-

“Bathroom and Laundry in there, bedroom in there.” Stevie announced cheerfully, pointing to each room in turn when they arrived. Frank crossed the entirety of the living space in a few steps and peered into the bedroom. The window was grimy, casting ghostly shadows over a ratty futon pushed up against the back wall. There was a chest of drawers to the far side, and that was about it. It was grotty and old-looking and kind of fucking perfect. Frank couldn’t help himself imagining all Gerard’s odds and end littering the bedroom. His sketchbooks cluttering the kitchen table, and weird patterned blankets thrown over the couch.

Despite everything, a small smile curled the corner of his mouth as Stevie offered them a seat at the table.

Lyndsey studied Frank’s expression carefully as Stevie began to outline prices and maintenance issues and other admin. “Sure, it’s a little cramped, but at least you never have to walk far to the fridge!” Stevie announced, leaning back in his chair and pulling open the door of a tired looking refrigerator. Frank made a mental note to check out fridge prices online.

By the time Frank was onto asking questions about the whole age thing, he was pretty much sold on the place. “Nah, dude, it’s cool.” Stevie laughed, following up his semi-death threat. “It’s all legal bullsit, I don’t know. Just keep this on the DL until October 31st, ‘kay? Then we’re golden. You’re doing me a big favour man, thank you.”

“No man,” Frank said, eyebrows basically disappearing into his hairline. “Thank _you_. You’re helping me out here, too.”

“Radical. It’s win-win.” Stevie beamed as he slid some paperwork in Frank’s direction. “Oh.” he said, grin faltering momentarily. “Maybe don’t sign this stuff ’til October either.” he said in a mock whisper, then he winked and stood up. Frank immediately followed, clutching the paper in one hand and feeling dazed. He shot Lyndsey an overwhelmed glance as the hulking guy made his way across the room.

“Yeah, cool man. I’ll write you a check this evening.” Frank said after him.

“Awesome. Address is on the fridge. Key’s in the fruit bowl. Give me a call if you ever have any problems.” called Stevie, already halfway out of the door. With a final wave of his beefy hand, he was gone. Lyndsey broke into a wide grin and clapped her hands together, standing to shake Frank’s arm.

“Fuck, Frank! You’re a fucking homeowner.”

“Home-renter.” he corrected her.

“Illegal home-renter.” she said, nodding. She laughed -light like cut glass- when she saw Frank’s nervous expression. “How do you feel.” she said, patting his back. Frank glanced around his - _his_ \- stuffy apartment and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times.

“Fucking terrified.” he murmured. “I gotta quit my job.” he said suddenly. “I’m gonna work in a music store.” he said, voice distant. Lyndsey smiled fondly at him, picking up the car keys- then the apartment keys- and folded her arms. “Or a comic store.” Frank continued, wandering around his little living room. “And I’m gonna be able to afford furniture, and gas, and food, and- and fucking smokes!” he gasped, patting his pocket and pulling out the evil empty packet of Marlboros. He scowled at it and Lyndsey’s laughter peeled out again, bouncing of the rafters over their heads. “Gonna live with Gee, and I’m gonna start a band and I’m fucking- I’m gonna do something I wanna do, Lynds.” he breathed, blinking at his surroundings like he was just waking up. “For once in my fucking life I’m gonna do it.” he finished, voice tailing off towards the end.

“Alright, dreamer.” she smiled. “Reel it in, let’s go get a coffee. I’m buying.” They made their way down the precarious looking steps, and Lyndsey slung her arm over Frank’s shoulders as they headed out into the autumn air.

“You do realise this means you and Gee have to be, like, quiet in bed and shit. Neighbours and whatever.” she smirked as they climbed back into the warm car. Frank frowned.

“Who says we’re not quiet already?” he asked incredulously.

“I have my sources.” she said. Laughter rippling through her as Frank nudged her.

“Oh my god, stop.” he groaned, ignoring Lyndsey’s cackling as she shoved the gear stick into first and took off up the street, exhaust billowing out over a sidewalk which would soon be familiar to Frank. 

***

Frank didn’t actually need to quit his job, because the next morning he received a call informing him that his services were no longer required. He refrained from whooping and shouting “so long, motherfuckers” down the phone, but he did allow himself a dignified “good” as he hung up on his boss. He sat slumped on the futon in his new room, still for a few moments before he punched the air.

His first night alone in the apartment had been a little creepy if he was brutally honest, but after a few hours of adjustment, the creaks and rumbles of the old attic actually became something of a comfort. Once he could identify the noise was drains, or a boiler, and not a serial killer scaling the building, he felt a little less alone. A TV was blaring downstairs, but it didn’t bother him. He liked this. He was by himself, but there were people just a few yards away. People living their lives below him. He wondered if any of them had dads who beat up their boyfriends. Probably not. That made him feel a little better too.

He woke up to a text from Gerard. No missed calls, just a single line:

_I’ll never get used to sleeping without u next to me_

***

“He’s okay, Frankie.”

“He’s pissed.” Frank grumbled, ashing his cigarette onto the sidewalk. Gerard was sitting in a battered garden chair with an icepack taped under his shirt. Frank sprawled next to him, carefully preventing any stray ash from falling onto Mr. Way’s grass.

“He was scared. He acted out, but he’ll come around. His appointment’s this afternoon after that I think…” Gee trailed off, pulling a packet from his pocket and beginning to pick out something flaky and green. Frank did a double take.

“Gee you can’t fucking roll that up out here!” he said, pushing himself up onto his knees to get a closer look at Gerard’s lap. “Do you want to get fucking busted?” he crowed, trying to grab at the packet. Gee held it above him, and Frank immediately backed off when his boyfriend winced.

“It’s medicinal.” he said, nose in the air as Frank flopped back down reluctantly, staring in disbelief as Gerard rolled a joint right there in the fucking front yard. He snorted.

“Medicinal my ass.”

“Babe, calm down. No one can see what I’m doing.” he muttered. His tongue poked out of his mouth as he focussed on rolling the paper. After a few moments of mumbled cursing he held the fucking thing out in front of Frank’s face. “Lick, please.” Gerard said, smiling sweetly at him with a spark in his eye. Frank scowled and grumbled “Leave me out of this.” but he did it anyway, holding Gerard’s hand still with his own as he ran his tongue along the paper.

“Fucking satisfied now, my princess?” he sighed, falling back down onto the grass. Gee just smiled smugly and lit the thing up then and there. Frank face palmed and shielded his eyes with his hand. “If anyone asks, I wasn’t fucking here.”

They were heading into the house a while later, Gerard’s hands clutching the icepack to his side as he giggled uncontrollably. Frank was on his heels, carrying the deckchair. He may or may not have let Gee convince him to get in on the public weed smoking thing…

He came crashing down pretty hard when the front door swung open in front of them to reveal Mikey with his beanie pulled down low, glasses slipping off his nose. Mrs. Way was bustling behind him, and almost walked right into his back when he stopped on the porch. Gerard stumbled a little, and blinked twice before he realised that he was face to face with his brother.

“Mikey.” he said thickly, blinking. Frank stood behind him, laughter draining from him like sand through a funnel.

Mrs. Way looked between her boys, and then to Frank, and then back again. There was a moment of silence as Mikey’s gaze slid off his brother and he met Frank’s eyes.

“Mom.” he said after a few seconds, eyes still trained on a bewildered Frank. “I don’t want to miss my appointment.” and with that he brushed past the two of them without another word. Mrs. Way pursed her lips at her son’s back, and didn’t move to follow him when he slammed the door of the car. She paused next to Frank, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Give him some time, sweetheart.” she said. Frank nodded dumbly. His brain felt like treacle and it made his whole grasp on the situation slippery. All he knew was that he didn’t want Mikey to drive away like this. He hung his head as Sandra turned away, purse on her arm.

“and boys-“ She said from across the drive- Frank lifted his head and he could feel Gerard fidgeting in his peripheral. “No pot in the house, please.” she whispered, raising an eyebrow at Gerard, then turning swiftly to climb into the car next to Mikey.

Despite himself Gerard started giggling again.

“I can’t help it.” he wheezed when Frank prodded his good arm. “I’m sorry, baby!” he called after Frank amidst strangled shrieks of laughter. Frank ignored him and dragged the deckchair up the porch steps into the house.

***

“Yeah, and Toro was like so fucking sweet about it even though Bob totally burnt like a quarter of his fro off.” laughed Gerard. Frank sniggered and flipped the remote over in his hands. He was still half watching the movie they’d put on half an hour ago, but Gee seemed to be in good spirits and was chatting away happily, so he was mainly concentrating on that.

“Dude, I fucking remember that, I think. Came to school with that weird braid thing to try hide it.” he replied. Gee rubbed his eyes and grinned.

“Yeah, even the science teachers were like ‘Toro what the fuck.’”

“Yeah.” Frank laughed.

They heard the front door click open some time later, and Gerard almost gave himself whiplash sitting up so fast.

“Take it easy, babe.” Frank reminded him, reaching a hand out to rub over Gerard’s back absently while they both listened to the noises upstairs. Gee gasped involuntarily when the basement door rattled from the hall, and feet began to descend the stairs. He scrabbled for Frank’s hand a clutched it between his own.

Frank breathed a minute sigh of relief when it was Mrs. Way and not Mikey appearing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Mom.” Gee squeaked. Frank gripped his hand tighter.

“Hi, sweetheart. I just- uh- Mikey wanted me to come and let you know that they ran his tests again and- well- by their new ‘calculations’, they’re switching him from chemo to radiotherapy. They think it’s the best way forwards.” she said, with a tired smile.

“So…” Gerard said, glancing at Frank, who remained silent. “So it’s gonna cure him?”

“With the rate of reduction they’ve seen, they said this is going to be the most effective way to shrink it, and keep it that way.”

“How long…?” Gerard asked.

“Course is three weeks, but he’s going to be in hospital pretty much every week day.” Mrs. Way sighed. “This is good news boys.” her voice broke and she lifted a hand to cover her mouth. Star-Wars-Pyjama clad Gerard was on his feet, padding over to his mother before Frank could register that he’d even moved. He blinked, realising that he hadn’t actually seen Mrs. Way cry. This whole time, when they’d been through every variation of hell Frank could think of, she’d remained dry eyed. Frank smiled when she looked his way from over her son’s shoulder.

“Sorry, Frankie, it’s silly.” she said, hands patting Gee’s back as he hugged her.

“It’s not.” he replied with a single shake of the head.

After a few more tears, some from Gerard too, and some tearful laughter, Mrs. Way disappeared back upstairs.

“I should go see him.” Gerard said, wringing his hands at the foot of the bed like he was in trouble.

“Go, baby.” Frank urged him, smiling as warmly as he could.

“Maybe you could-“

“No.” Frank said. “I don’t think he’d want to see me.”

“Babe, you guys gotta make it up sometime. He knows it’s not your fault. He was upset and scared and he’ll apologise if-“

“Maybe.” Frank interrupted. “But there’s time for that. Right now he’s gonna want to be with family, I think. Not kids whose dads beat up his brother.” he finished softly. Gerard frowned and rounded the bed again, lowering himself carefully next to Frank.

“Frankie, it wasn’t your _fault_ ” he said. “You don’t really think that do you?”

Frank shrugged.

“Everyone keeps saying that it's not, but-.” he said, eyes glued to the blankets resting on top of him. Gerard’s hand rested on his thigh was warm, to Frank the feeling of it was verging on bittersweet.

“I should have done more I- Gee, I was so scared.” choked Frank, running a hand through his hair. “So fucking scared when I saw you in that hospital bed and- and when you wouldn’t tell me what happened I thought that it might be something bad. I thought that maybe someone was- I don’t know- I thought it might be someone you knew. Someone _we_ knew. And, baby, I wanted nothing, _nothing_ but to protect you. I kept it going through my head, the things I would do if I ever found out who hurt you. It ate me that someone did this to you maliciously, baby. I wanted to  <i> hurt </i> them. Maybe it was stupid.” he huffed a bitter laugh. “Like I could have done anything, anyway, you know?” Frank said closing his eyes to block the tears from falling. They stung with the salt and he inhaled. “And then… I found out who it was I just- I couldn't go through with it. At first I was mad at Mikey, I thought he was wrong. Like, I didn't think it was my fault either but when I got home, my dad was right there on the couch, sleeping like the fucking piece of shit he is, and I did fucking nothing.” Frank said loudly, bringing his fist down onto the duvet. He didn’t look up at Gerard, not sure he wanted to see his expression. "For all the shit I told myself I'd do to the miserable excuse of a person who laid their hand on you, I did fuck all when it came down to it. Mikey's right." he paused, regulating his breathing. 

“I mean, maybe Mikey was wrong when he said I could have stopped him- or that I knew beforehand, because I fucking didn’t, but I thought about what he said and- You’re my everything, and when it came down to it, I couldn’t even make a stand against my piece of shit _mother_. I shouted like a kid, but what use is that.” Frank lifted his arms and dropped them again, catching Gee’s eye at last he sucked his lip ring into his mouth and clicked it against his teeth before releasing it. “I couldn’t even take a stand for you, baby. How can I hope to be anything to you if I can’t even take a stand.” he said, tears falling hot and thick down his face now. His neck already felt sticky with it. He shuddered at the feeling- memories of long nights sobbing into his pillow flooded him- the wetness perpetually leaking everywhere, dampening the material under his face. Now, though, there was no pillow, the tears just kept running, soaking little spots onto his tee. Gerard was staring at him with that intense gaze which was so rare it sent a shiver up Frank’s spine.

“I don’t want to ever hear you say that.” he said softly, reaching a hand forwards and cupping it to Frank’s cheek. He closed his eyes, feeling the pad of Gerard’s thumb stroke over his cheekbone before running down to his neck. When he opened his eyes Gee’s fiery gaze was still fixed on him. He looked fucking determined. Frank’s eyebrows knitted. “I don’t ever want to hear that you can’t be anything to me, asshole.” Gerard said firmly. “What is even going on in your head, Frankie?” he said, running his hand down the front of Frank’s chest and then pulling it back into his lap. “It’s like you forget sometimes what we came through to get here? Or, like, the fact that you bent over backwards to even get to this point. Baby, you're incredible. You stuck it out for me- for us- does that just mean fuck all to you now, or…?” his gaze was becoming almost oppressive, Frank could feel himself drowning in it. He shook his head.

“But it was always on my terms.” Frank sniffed. “I made us a secret, I was the one responsible for like every one of our fights, and I let it slide that my own fucking family could hurt you so bad-“

“Stop.” Gerard said. Frank blinked at him, tears still streaming down his face. “You fucking idiot. If you didn’t make us a secret, there would have been no us. Get it? And we’re both stubborn as shit, we would have fought no matter fucking what the circumstances, baby, I promise you.” Frank bit his lip again, playing with his hands in his lap. “Frankie, as for your dad,” Gerard tried again, more gently. “If you’re worried that you didn’t, like, start a fist fight with him for me, then you need to just let that go, okay? That was never going to happen. You love me right?”

“Of fucking course.”

“Exactly. I know that, you know that. I don’t expect you to, like, physically fight for my honour or something, sugar. This isn’t an action movie. Don’t you understand that you've done something so much more important?” Frank shook his head, latching his eyes to Gerard's and holding them there. “Babe, it would have been so easy for you to coast by and let your parents pay for an apartment or just bend to their will and go to college, but you didn’t. You could have broken and hidden who you are because they’ve tried to stamp you down for so many years, but you fought back. You’re not that little cardboard-cutout-kid, remember? And I know you mainly did this for you, Frankie, but you left your comfort zone to be with me. You did the hard thing, and you’ve been doing that ever since... ever since our first kiss. Probably even before that. For _me_ , baby. So don’t fucking sit there and tell me you didn’t take a stand. If that's not the bravest stand you can take, then I don't know what else to tell you."

Gee wiped Frank's face gently with the hoodie of his sleeve. It wasn't much help. The tears kept falling.

"You make me so proud." Gerard whispered. Frank closed his eyes. "After everything you’ve been through, you still have so much love, Frankie. I’ve said it before: you’re the strongest boy I’ve ever known, and you treat me like fucking royalty on top if it all. I don’t think you could do anything more to prove yourself to me. You’ve done it all.” Gerard finished softly, reaching out and moving Frank’s hair to the side. Now, at least, he knew why Gerard always protested when he did that. It was a little annoying, if incredibly endearing. Thank fuck he usually kept his hair short. He let himself lean forwards into Gerard’s arms- gently of course. Gee rubbed circles into his shoulder and laughed when he said something that made Frank giggle through his tears, sending him into a little spiral of boarderline hysterics. When he finally calmed down, he flopped back against the pillows.

“Better?” Gee asked, holding his hand. Frank nodded, then shook his head, then shrugged. He’d stopped crying now at least, but he knew his face would look a mess.

“I need a drink.” he mumbled. Gerard laughed and pressed a long kiss to Frank’s mouth. He could feel the rough edge of his healing lips and it sent a not-entirely-unpleasant shiver down his spine. Weird.

“That can be arranged.” Gee murmured as he pulled away, heaving himself off the bed. “For now though, I’m gonna go see my other little man.” he said, grinning at Frank’s affronted expression.

“Fuck you.”

Gerard smiled and made for the door.

“Gee, wait.” he said, digging a hand into his pocket while Gerard turned to face him. “You know I said I was staying with Lyndsey last night?” he said, sniffing the last of his tearfulness out of his voice. Short of washing his face, there wasn’t much he could do about the red eyes or puffy cheeks, but he felt strangely better for crying. It was like that sometimes. Or maybe he felt better for Gerard’s reassurances. Maybe a mixture of both. Who fucking cares, he felt a little better. Gerard was nodding at him across the room

“Well-“ Frank said, finally finding what he was looking for in his too-tight jeans. “I lied.” he announced, holding up two little silver keys dangling from a piece of string. Gerard frowned for a moment while he caught on, but his eyes widened when he finally did. Frank laughed weakly as Gerard physically jumped up and down.

“Baby, you fucking got it?” he asked, moving back over to the side of the bed as fast as he could manage. Frank just nodded as Gee enveloped him in another tight hug. “Babe, you’re not even eighteen how did you-“

“Lyndsey’s friends are pretty cool.” Frank smiled.

“Wow, baby, see!” he said, pointing at Frank. “Every fucking day you make me so proud to even know you.” he beamed at Frank, running a lingering touch over his arm before getting up and crossing the room again.

“Plus, it just goes to show how pretty you are.” Gerard said nonchalantly as he reached the door. Frank frowned at him.

“Why?

“Well, you know-“ Gee said with a shrug. “They must have been pretty fucking impressed to let a twelve year old looking motherfucker rent a whole apartment for himself.” Frank’s jaw dropped and he hurled a pillow at gee, missing dismally.

“ _Fuck. You_.”

“ _Later_ , sugar.” he said. Frank rolled his eyes when Gerard winked at him.

“So alluring, wow.” Frank said flatly, “Hey, that would make you a total pedophile!” he called after his asshole boyfriend, who he heard giggling as he disappeared up the stairs. Frank allowed himself a small smile when he heard Gee’s flatfooted steps fading along the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops it's a little long so  
> ***  
> I'll be going through and editing mistakes through the day- haven't checked yet so... sorryy <3  
> ***  
> Hope you're doing A-Okay  
> MoOnxo


	13. It's So Hard to Have Someone to Love

There was gospel music drifting from a window somewhere down the street when Gerard was well enough to drive the car again. Frank would be lying if he said he wasn’t resting his arm near the hand break. Just in case.

The bandages around his lower back came off a few days after that. Frank left the room when Mikey arrived back from radiotherapy. He sat downstairs, staring at the ceiling, while three quarters of the Way family chattered away in the kitchen. Gerard’s feet had been in a bucket of warm water- Frank had no idea why, but he seemed to be enjoying himself- and though he’d never admit it, Gee was loving all the attention as his mom made a fuss of him. Frank left before he found out whether Mikes was making a fuss of him or not, but he suspected that in his own, tired way, Mikey was spoiling Gerard with attention too.

No one followed Frank downstairs immediately and he tried not to be too sore about it. They were busy, and it wasn’t like Mikey would have come after him anyway. Frank closed his eyes against the gentle sunlight leaking through the window, reminding himself to tell Gee to get some fucking curtains. He conveniently ignored the fact that it was kind of his fault that Gerard didn’t have any in the first place, seeing as he was the one who caught the last set on fire. Whatever, he still blamed Gerard for daring him to prove the flammability of fucking alcohol. Idiot.

Frank didn’t realise he was falling asleep until a hand shook his shoulder gently. He blinked up into the gloom- no sign of the sun in the window anymore. He swore under his breath, scratching his head while a Gerard-shaped shadow shuffled about by his bookshelf.

“I was meant to see Lyndsey like,” Frank scrabbled around to peer at his phone. “three hours ago. Rad.” he said, scrolling through his missed calls. He fired off a quick text as Gerard located his desk lamp and flooded the room with soft shades of orange. Frank blinked again and scowled when Gee ambled over to him. He gave up his mock-moody act pretty soon when he caught the look on Gerard’s face; wrinkled in concentration as he sat down next to Frank, pouring over a pile of papers in his hands.

“School stuff?” Frank asked groggily, instead of his planned bitching about the sudden lights and being-awake thing. He propped his head up on his elbow and watched Gee pull his legs up under him, crossing them over one another. When he was comfy, he sucked in a breath and grimaced. Frank giggled at his expression. “Still scared, princess?”

“Nah I’m okay.” Gerard said, releasing his breath heavily.

“Like, it’s one of those things you just gotta do.” he said softly. Frank nodded. He’d been doing a lot of those things recently. It turns out being an adult is full of fucking scary shit. “Yeah.” Gerard said quietly to himself. “I just want to get it over with, you know? The first few days. Frank nodded again and shifted to peek at Gerard’s papers over his shoulder. The words ‘requirements’ and ‘punctuality’ jumped out at him. He wrinkled his nose.

“It just feels fast.” Gee said. Frank slid an arm around his waist and hummed. “Mikey’s treatment’s going to be _over_ the week after I start and it’s… I don’t know, surreal.” he said, waving his hands around in front of him. Frank smiled.

“All this time and you still haven’t come to see my apartment.” said Frank. Gerard shot him a look and shuffled his papers.

“It’s felt so far away for so long and now-“ he continued, ignoring Frank’s interuption. “I feel like I should be going back to highschool.” he laughed nervously.

“Nah, you’re ready, angel. You’re gonna do good.” Frank said, muffled by Gerard’s shoulder where he’d pressed his face. Gee reached back and threaded his fingers through Frank’s hair absently as he continued to read the college intro pack. Every now and again he’d huff and blow his hair out of his face. Frank pressed a soft kiss to his neck whenever he did, or ran a thumb over his wrist where it rested on Frank’s thigh. After a certain point Gerard mumbled “fuck it”, and the next time Frank turned to nuzzle against him, he’d already turned his head so their lips met clumsily. Frank made a muffled noise and then settled himself, bringing a hand up to the side of his boyfriend’s face. He felt the scruff of barely-there stubble and brushed his fingers over it before letting his hand trail down to Gerard’s throat, where he let his fingers hover.

Gerard was ready. Frank believed it, because sure he could be a reclusive nerd, but he wasn’t the gothic little highschooler he’d been six months ago.

When they pulled apart Frank grinned, running his hand through Gee’s dishevelled hair.

“What?” Gerard asked, the small smile on his face like he wasn’t quite sure if Frank was laughing at him or not, but he was cool to go along with it either way.

“Nothing.” Frank said, letting his hand drop back into his lap. He blinked, letting it hit him for the millionth time that he was totally punching above his weight here. Gerard’s eyelashes curved, casting spidery shadows in the low light of the bedroom. His hair was a mess like always, and Frank was realising day by day that he had a total thing for that. He cocked his head at Frank, little crease appearing between his eyebrows. Frank snorted to himself and flopped back onto the bed.

“You’re weird.” murmured Gee.

“Yeah. So are you.” Gerard got up, moving to his desk chair without a great deal of grace. He managed to trip at least twice in the space of under ten seconds. Frank turned his head to watch him and promptly groaned.

“Please don’t start drawing right now, baby. I won’t get you back for hours.” he said, elongating the vowels on his last word dramatically. Gee just pouted over at him.

“Fine.” Frank sighed. “I’ll just go. I’ll fend for myself in the cold Jersey Winter-“

“Frank, you’re leaving anyway!” Gerard protested, already digging for his pencils in the mountain of various shit on his desk. Frank sighed. That was true, he’d told Lyndsey he’d meet her and Evan in half an hour, and that was at least twenty-five minutes ago. Gerard was already sinking into his sketch as Frank unearthed his backpack and got ready to go.

“Hey, baby.” he said gently, standing over Gee, who blinked up like he thought maybe Frank had left already. He was redeemed, though, when he smiled crookedly up at him. “Think you’ll be up to a Belleville trip tomorrow?” Gerard’s smile widened and he nodded.

“I’ll pick you up at like ten, beautiful.” he said, about to walk away. Gee stopped him, reaching up to pull Frank in, planting a kiss on his closed mouth. Frank made a show of wiping a sleeve over his face as he walked away. Gerard flipped him off and grunted goodbye.

“Love you!” Frank called from halfway up the stairs.

“Fucker.” Gerard replied, but there was an audible smile in his voice.

***

Frank was toeing on his converse in the hall when a moving shadow made him start. The lights clicked on in the living room, finding Frank facing off from Mikey. The armchair stood between them. Frank paused, feeling awkward. Mikey was just looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. Frank took in the blankets strewn over the ground, and the blue standby screen on the TV. “Hey, do you have a minute?” Mikey said, braking the silence. Frank blinked. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but that wasn’t it.

“We’re going in circles here.” Frank said, forty-five minutes later. His lips formed a straight line. Mikey’s expression was like a mirror. A stony mirror.

“I know.” Mikey drawled. Frank tightened his fist, determined not to let the frustration get the best of him.

“I mean, It’s your call whether you want to let this go or not. But all I can say, again, that I would never have intentionally put Gee in that situation. As long as I live, I will do whatever I can to make sure he never has to go through anything like it again. I just don’t get what we’re fighting about anymore, Mikey.”

“I’m just worried. What your dad to him was really-“

“Dude.” Frank said tiredly, dropping a hand onto the arm of his chair. “It’s done. It was fucked up. Move on or don’t.” he said sharply, running a hand through his hair. He kept his eyes trained on Mikey’s, watching his features carefully. He didn’t speak at once, face unreadable. There was a second or two where Frank was worried that he might just say ‘fuck it’ and leave. Tell Frank that it wasn’t worth it, or that he didn’t deserve Gerard…

Instead, he pulled his beanie down and finally dropped his gaze. Just like that, the mask cracked. Mikey looked himself again, not like some imposing stranger posing as Frank’s best friend.

“I want to move on.” he said quietly. “I do. I just hadn’t seen this side before.”

Frank frowned, heart beat flaring up again.

“What side? What does that mean?”

“This side. The hiding; worrying all the time. Your dad’s not the only bigoted ass out there. I’d never seen how scary this shit can get and… I don’t want to watch you guys go through that ever again.”

Frank recoiled a little, but bit back his retort. For once in his damn life he repressed the swell of fire in his throat. He just took a deep breath and nodded.

“You can’t wrap him in cotton wool, man. You can't live in fear just cause there are people out there who'll fuck you up for being... being who you are. People are gonna want to fuck you up no matter what, and it might as well be for something- someone- you love." Frank said carefully. Mikey sighed. 

"Look," Frank tried again. "We’ve made a decision to face this. There’s no alternative, for me, Mikes. Don't you get it, like... it scares sometimes, the shit I would do for him." Frank let out a strained laugh and shook his head as the reality of his words crashed over him for the thousandth time. "I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’d fucking die for the dude.” he said softly, mulling it over before shrugging. Mikey raised an eyebrow but Frank didn’t waver. As soon as he said it he knew it was true. Mikey continued to stare at him from behind his glasses.

“Not to be a dick or anything, but it is kind of Gee’s choice, and I’ll always respect what he wants. If he turned around tomorrow and told me he couldn’t handle it, or told me that he never wanted to see me again, I’d step back like _that_. But as it is we're... He wants this, and it'll fucking suck if you can't get behind us.” he said, cringing internally at the harsh quality to his voice. Mikey continued to stare at him. 

“But that's not to say I don't want you to be behind us, dude. I’d miss not having you around.” Frank added, breaking his gaze. 

Finally, Mikey nodded slowly. His eyes were still narrowed, and Frank held his breath as he opened his mouth. For all the bravado, Frank was shitscared that this was going to turn into an issue for them. He definitely wasn’t ready to lose Mikey to something so fucking stupid.

“We’re so young, dude.” Mikey said carefully. “Just make sure you know what you want before you… you know. Gee gets so…” Mikey made a clawing hand gesture, like teeth sinking into an orange. Frank got it, probably because of the countless years of Way hand gestures he’d had to interpret.

“I know, and dude, about this, I’m totally like that too." Frank said, repeating the hand gesture. Mikey raised an eyebrow. “You know I don't fuck around.”

“Frank, I-“ Mikey hesitated, gaze dropping again. When he lifted it again, he was shaking his head. “I’m sorry.” he muttered. Frank blinked and Mikey looked strained when he next spoke. “I was just trying to- I’m behind you. I’ll always be behind you two.” he said firmly, meeting Frank’s eyes. “I was an ass, and I'm sorry I was just-” he shook his head and readjusted his beanie again. It looked itchy. Mikey hated that. “I’d never make you two- I’m behind you.” he said again, before falling silent. Frank saw more determination on Mikey’s face then than he’d seen any other expression in his whole life. He frowned and opened his mouth, but changed his mind, nodding instead.

“So… I can have your brother?” Frank said with a cautious laugh. He was relieved when Mikey smiled minutely.

“On your head, dude.” he said. Frank smiled. He knew that was the best he was going to get.

“Thanks, man.”

Mikey waved a hand and made a ‘pfft’ noise, but he was smiling ever so slightly as he rested his head back against the couch. Frank did the same, sighing shakily as one or two of the darker clouds in his mind dissipated. He didn’t realise quite how tight his muscles had been feeling recently until he collapsed back into the armchair.

As Mikey reached for the TV remote, Frank accepted the fact that he was blowing Lyndsey off for the second time that day. He made a mental note to buy her flowers or something, but he knew this was worth it. He wasn’t about to ditch Mikes after that. He glanced over to the couch where Mikey was flicking through channels. He couldn’t quite place it, but he thought he could see something of a relax in his demeanour, too. He wondered if he felt as light as Frank did now. He turned to the TV as Adventure Time began flashing over the screen. He and his best friend were cool again, and more importantly, he had his blessing, in one way or another. He exhaled heavily, embracing the flutter of something like excitement, but also like fear, flitting around in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS SHORT AND NOTHING HAPPENS I'LL DO BETTER  
> ***  
> My show's in a week and they're still blocking the second act??  
> i.e. 5 hour rehearsals every evening put knives in my eyeballs :)  
> ***  
> how is this even going I don't..?  
> XO


	14. You're On My Mind

Frank swore out loud when he checked his bank balance, stuffing his card into his wallet as he spun around. Evan was behind the wheel of Frank’s truck, stopped on the side of the street. Lyndsey was squeezed up next to him on the middle seat, and they were both peering out through the window. Frank ignored them and hurried around to climb in the passenger door. He huffed when Lyndsey and Evan looked at him.

“I need a job.” He grumbled. Even kicked the car into action while Lyndsey laughed at Frank. The engine sputtered a few times, making Frank grimace, on the third turn of the key it flared to life with a guttural roar.

“To Alcatraz.” Lyndsey announced, pointing forwards. Evan snorted and shook his head as they swerved away from the kerb and took off towards Frank’s parents’ house.

***

He checked his watch as they pulled up, leaning around Lyndsey to squint at the driveway, where a station wagon was parked.

“Fuck.” he muttered. “She’s home.”

Several minutes of deliberation later, Frank was shuffling through the yard with Lyndsey’s words of encouragement ringing in his ears.

He hesitated at the door, arm raised. Was he supposed to knock? It wasn’t his house anymore, so…

He rapped hard three times on the wood and stood back, hands in his pockets. He could almost feel his friends staring at him from the other side of the street.

He started as the latch began to click. Unintentionally he could feel his back straighten. He held his breath.

“Oh.” Mrs Iero stood in the doorway. “Frank.” she said. Neither of them moved.

“Here for my stuff.” he muttered, dropping his gaze and kicking a foot on the porch wood.”

“Ah, yes, right- of course.” Lucy stepped back, waiting in the hall like she didn’t know what to do with herself. She said nothing as Frank walked up the stairs. He shook himself, pausing out of her sight on the landing. It wasn’t fair that he still felt like a deviant, like he had something to be guilty for. He closed his eyes and remembered the reason he was strong enough to get out of here in the first place. He thought back to the beginning of the summer, the reason he’d been so desperate to get out, and he squashed his guilt. ‘Get your stuff and get out, Frank.’ he mumbled to himself.

He bit his lip when he saw all of his things in boxes; his room otherwise empty but from the bare furniture. It shouldn’t bother him. This was what he wanted.

It took a few trips down the stairs to get everything into the truck. He didn’t dare let Lyndsey or Evan come to help. He couldn’t place why, but he didn’t feel comfortable having them even enter the house. Especially with his mother hovering around outside the kitchen. There’d been no sign of Mr. Iero, but he’d learnt never to take that at face value.

“Okay.” he said, gripping the final box and coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs. Mrs. Iero’s lips tightened and she held her son’s gaze. “Do you- Is there anything you want to say?” Frank croaked, clearing his throat loudly afterwards. Mrs. Iero blinked, and her expression clouded fractionally before ironing back out again. Frank kicked himself for opening his goddamn mouth. The familiar sound of the house’s creaky drains gurgled through the quiet hallway. Frank let out the breath he’d been holding. “Okay, whatever. See you around.” he said, steadying his voice. His mother stepped forwards, heel clicking on the bard floor. Frank paused again, watching her carefully. She opened her mouth, then closed it with a curt nod.

“Goodbye Frank.” she said. He bit down hard on his lip ring and left before he let the prick in his eyes get the better of him.

He threw the last box in the back of the truck, paying no mind to its content. He ignored Evan and Lyndsey’s concerned faces watching him as he slammed into the passenger seat. He sat there staring straight ahead for a moment. He felt his two friends exchange a glance. Lyndsey shifted Pansy between her legs and rubbed a hand over Frank’s back.

“Ready to go?” she said gently. He nodded a couple too many times and Evan needed no further cue to hit the gas. Frank leant forwards a little, watching his parents’ front door slowly closing as they pulled off down the street. He aimed a reassuring smile at Lyndsey when she frowned at him, then leant his head against the window. Evan blasted Black Flag as they turned onto main street, masking the silence in the cab of the truck. Frank closed his eyes, ignoring everything that passed outside while they drove out of Kearny, back to his new home.

***

Frank woke up in the apartment on a rainy Sunday, and the first thing he noticed was that his feet felt like ice cubes. He groaned and rolled over, opening his eyes reluctantly. He grinned when he saw his boyfriend lying next to him, already awake and looking thoroughly disgruntled.

Frank didn’t hesitate to close the space between them, squirming until Gee lifted his arm to let him curl against his chest. He squealed when Frank dug his toes into Gerard’s warm calves.

“You need to get fucking curtains.” he bitched. Frank petted his chest and closed his eyes again.

“So do you.”

“That’s still your fault.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Get curtains.”

“Anything for you, baby.” he mumbled.

“Frankie.” Gerard said, prodding at him. He mumbled incoherently and tried to press closer to Gerard, even though that wasn’t really possible at this point. Gee giggled tiredly and prodded him again.

“Babe, it’s ten thirty you’re gonna be late.”

“Mph.” Frank said, lifting his head slightly. “But I want to lie on you all day.” he said, pouting. Gee ran a hand over Frank’s spiked up hair then kissed the top of his head.

“I’ll probably still be here when you get back, you're just giving in job applications right?” he said with a small laugh pushing at Frank, who finally gave in and forced himself out from under the duvet. He shivered as he stood up.

“Yeah. You’re not gonna go home while I’m out?” he asked. Gerard shook his head as Frank’s phone started ringing. He sighed and scooped it up off the floor.

“Hey. Yeah, I’m on my way.” said Frank into his cell, pacing his room in search of his keys. He had a suspicion Gerard had moved them, ‘cause he was pretty sure they were on the floor right by his pants when they got in last night, but whatever. Gerard was watching him in his distant way from under a pink blanket he’d brought with him.

“Three guesses.” He chuckled as Lyndsey asked where he was.

“Are you doing it today?” she asked excitedly. Frank resisted the urge to cover the speaker with his hand. He threw a glance in Gerard’s direction, but he was oblivious, scratching at his fingernails.

“Nah, tomorrow. Look I gotta go, pick me up in ten.” he rushed, hanging up before Lyndsey could confirm.

He locked his phone and retrieved his jeans from the ground. Gerard pouted when he started to shimmy into them. Frank stuck his middle finger up and continued to get dressed. Gee stuck his tongue out in return, then dropped his gaze a little. Frank smirked.

“Uhm, you’re staring.” he said, fishing around in boxes of clothes for his tee, which was unhelpfully the same shade of black as everything else he owned.

“Hard not to.” Gerard said meekly. Frank grinned and turned around deliberately slowly, wiggling his eyebrows as he zipped up his pants. Gee rolled his eyes.

“Boner kill.” he mumbled. Frank laughed outright and continued to pick up his stuff maybe a little slower than normal.

“So.” he sighed when he’d finished, dropping down next to Gerard, backpack in his lap. “I never asked you last night. What do you think?” he asked, gesturing around the room and returning his hopeful gaze to Gerard. Seeing as he hadn’t even shown Gerard a picture of the place before he run out and rented it, he had to be prepared for Gee's opinion, whatever it may be.

“The apartment?” Gerard asked, inflection squeaky- surprised sounding. 

“Uh, yeah.”

“Frankie I told you last night, I love it.” he said, eyes wide. Frank frowned.

“You told me?”

“Yeah when we were in the kitchen and you-“

“Oooh!” Frank said. “But we were…Baby, you know you shouldn’t tell me things when you’re naked, there is like a zero percent chance I can concentrate on what you’re saying.” he said. Gerard swiped at his leg, but Frank could see him flushing. “Seriously, though, you mean that?” He said. “’Cause you can tell me if you don’t like it or maybe if-“

“Frankie.” Gee cut in. “I _told_ you that I really like it. Just because you’re too busy staring at my junk-“ he said, emphasising his point with another slap at Frank’s leg “-doesn’t change that.” he pecked Frank’s cheek when he ducked his head, and then peered off to the left. “These windows have awesome lighting, too.” he murmured. Frank smiled, still looking down at his lap. He closed his eyes to ask his next question.

“Can you picture yourself here?” he said, drawing his lip ring into his mouth and refusing to look up. He could feel Gerard turning to face him.

“Baby.” Gee said, pausing until Frank finally lifted his head.

“I picture myself with you." he lifted a hand under Frank's chin and brought their lips together softly. "Wherever." he whispered. "But for the record, it is really fucking cool up here. Get it?” he said, and when Gerard kissed him again, Frank did.

***

When Frank got home later that day, true to his word, Gee was still sitting on the futon, drawing Zombies onto an empty cardboard box with one of Frank’s sharpies.

“Hey, beautiful.” Frank said, shoving the cardboard box to the side as he slid into Gerard’s lap and wasting no time in sticking his tongue down his throat. Gee only flapped for a second before dropping his pen and pulling Frank further into his lap. “Please tell me you got up at some point today.” Frank said, smoothing Gerard’s hair off his face. Gee blinked at him sheepishly.

“I got up to look for cereal.” he offered, giggling when Frank rolled his eyes and pulled Gee forwards again by the front of his soft tee. “There wasn’t any.” Gee whispered, closing the distance again. Frank suppressed the laughter bubbling up from deep in his stomach. Eventually it got too much and he rolled off Gerard, practically howling. Gee looked positively terrified.

“I- uhm- Frankie, babe, are you okay?” He said, laughing a little himself as Frank rubbed at his eye, smudging eyeliner down his face.

”Yeah sorry- it’s- I don’t know. Never mind.” Frank didn’t have the words for it. It was something about Gerard, and the realisation that this was going to be them soon. Sitting in bed together all day on the weekends. Coming home to each other after school, after work… That, plus a touch of the anxiety which flared sharp in his gut whenever he thought about what he had planned for tomorrow, knowing it had the potential to change everything-

“You’re so hot when you laugh.” Gee said happily, reaching out for Frank, who was slowly calming down as the nervous energy worked it’s way through hysteria to general discomfort.

“Good thing you’re a funny motherfucker, then.” he said, brushing his lips against Gee’s cheek as he clambered up onto his hands and knees and crawled to the edge of the bed.

“I’m gonna shower.” Frank said, stretching. “Wanna join?” he asked, already pulling his tee over his head. Gerard swept his gaze over Frank’s body before shaking his head reluctantly.

“No, babe. I should get home. Mom wants to take me to Staples with Mikey.” he said. Frank gasped.

“Oh fuck yeah. Tomorrow’s the day.” he said, sitting back down on the edge of the bed, shirt balled up in his hand. Gerard groaned.

“Don’t remind me.” he replied, moodily picking at the bobbles on his pyjama pants. Pink ones, with little black bats. Frank had no idea where they’d come from, but he had a sneaking suspicion that they might have once been Gee’s grandma’s. “Fucking _college._ ”

“Don’t freak out, princess.” Frank said. “You got this. Want me to drop you home?”

“You can shower if you want I-“

“Come on.” Frank said, putting his shirt back on. “Last time i’ll get to spend with my baby before he becomes _officially_ too good for me. After tomorrow you’re going to be, like, _educated_.” Frank said, tugging at Gerard’s hand.

“I’ll have been there for a day, Frank.” Gee protested; something he did continuously until they made it downstairs and into the truck, where Frank shut him up by sticking a hand down Gerard’s pyjamas.

***

“I’m so fucking mad I have to walk through my house with come all over my fucking pants.” Gerard hissed as he slid out of the car. Frank crossed his forearms over the window and smiled sweetly.

“Run fast, angel.” he said. Gerard flipped him off, turning up the drive. “Gee.” Frank called when he was halfway to the door. “What time are you leaving tomorrow?” Gerard’s scowl eased.

“Induction’s at nine so… I don’t know, eight thirty?” he said, scratching at his rats-nest of hair. Frank grinned at him and sat back into the car seat.

“I’ll call you tonight, gorgeous boy.” he called, shouting over the music blaring from his radio as he fired up the ignition. He watched Gerard make an attempt to look grouchy, but break within seconds, smiling crookedly and waving after Frank as he pulled away.

His fingers tapped against the wheel to the music until he couldn’t take it anymore. His brain was feeling fuzzy enough with a thousand thoughts flying around, the weird alternative shit playing was just adding to the noise. He slammed the radio off, and after another restless second or so he felt around in his pocket for his phone. He hit the second number on his speed dial as he turned off Gerard’s street and clicked speaker.

“Hello?” came a tinny voice as Frank tossed his cell onto the passenger seat.

“Hey Mikey, Gee’s not with you, right?”

“Nah, your boyfriend’s a weirdo. He just ran into the house a second ago like he was being chased or some shit; ignored all of us.” Frank sniggered, covering the noise with a cough. “Why? What’s up?” Mikey said blandly.

“Tomorrow.” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I wanna do it tomorrow.” He heard Mikey suck in a breath. The line crackled.

“You sure?” he said finally. Frank nodded- thought this was more for his own benefit.

“Fuck yeah.” His gaze flicked over to the glove compartment and then quickly back to the intersection he was approaching. “Always been sure.”

“Okay, Frankie.” Mikes said, ghost of a smile in his voice. “How you wanna do this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk  
> ***  
> Hope you're well kids  
> ***  
> xo


	15. Ready For The Flight Or To Fall Off A Cliff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo

Frank’s hands were sweating. He leant on the side of the house by the bushes, checking his phone for the fourth time. Finally, he heard the click of the front door and footsteps on the porch. He craned his neck and caught sight of a weedy figure peering around. Frank sighed and whisper-shouted ‘Mikey.’

He waved when Mikes turned to face him, frowning when he saw his friend chilling in Mrs. Way’s bushes.

“Dude what are you doing?” Mikey said, walking down the steps and over to Frank.

“I didn’t wanna come to the door in case Gee opened it.”

Mikey rolled his eyes.

“He know’s you're coming already, moron.”

“Yeah but I wanna do it how we planned! So it’s like, perfect or whatever.”

“Gross.” said Mikey, but put a hand on Frank’s shoulder all the same, dragging him back up towards the front door. “Come in, Gee’s in the basement so you can go wait in my room. Keep your cell on, kay? I’ll text when you can come down.”

Frank nodded quickly and headed upstairs. His stomach flip-flopped as he waited, perched on the end of Mikey’s bed. He looked around the room, phone balanced on his thigh. It was on vibrate, but he still checked it periodically.

It had only been six minutes, and Frank felt like he was going out of his mind. His bounced his leg, but that only drove the object in his pocket against his hip. He ran his hand over it. He shouldn’t be this nervous. Everything was going to be fine. It was just a conversation.

A really fucking important conversation.

He glanced around the room he knew so well. Mikey’s old bunkbed crammed into the corner. He refused to get rid of it, so now it stood as a half-storage half-laundrypile. To the side of the bunks was his desk. Frank was pretty sure Mikey had never used it for anything with even a vague semblance of work, it was more of one big shelf; empty pill bottles that he never threw away no matter how much Mrs. Way nagged him; three packs of cards no one played with; a laptop buried under several sheets full of Gerard’s sketching. His eyes drifted up and he squinted at the piece of paper taped to the wall. He hadn’t noticed it before. There were squares on it, and some scribbles in black sharpie and different coloured circles. Frank got up, crossing the room for a closer look.

“Oh.” he whispered. It was a calendar.

In the corner of each box was a scrawled number, and the squiggles- mostly illegible- marked therapy days, prescription pickups, days off, whatever. Frank ran a hand over the thick Xs over, indenting the paper a little where Mikey had crossed out each day. The numbers weren’t dates like they’d seemed at first glance, they were a countdown. And the red circled day underneath Frank’s index finger read ‘5’.

Five days left. Fuck. Five days until radiation was done. Frank blinked, mouthing numbers as he counted... Another seven days after that and it would be the 31st. Weird. 

The final box was obscured by the huge green circle around, over and in it. Black lines bled into the green pen where they’d mixed. In the very centre of the circle was more of Mikey’s scratchy handwriting, but in a thinner pen. Frank leant forwards and read ‘Live or die’.

He physically started when his phone buzzed in his hand.

_the eagle has left the nest_

Frank groaned inwardly at Mikey, and found himself almost reluctant to turn towards the door. ‘come the fuck on, Frank.’ he muttered.

His hands were actually shaking by the time he made it to the bottom of the stairs. This was so fucking stupid, Jesus. He was beginning to wish he’d prepared something to say. He shook himself. No. He wanted it to be fucking real. This wasn’t some bullshit class presentation.

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” he mumbled to Mikey, who was waiting for him by the front door. “You got this. Frank-“ Mikes said as he reached for the handle. Frank had barely turned when a pair of spindly arms flung around his shoulders surprisingly tightly. Frank was shocked for a moment, then he smiled and returned the hug, eyes closing as he took a shuddery breath. “Hey, weirdo-” he said, holding a fist out. Mikey bumped it and smiled. “thanks for everything.” Mikey smiled and dropped his gaze.

“Go on then.” he said, reaching for the door himself and opening it before Frank could delay any more. “You don’t need any luck.” he mumbled, pushing Frank out onto the porch without ceremony. He almost stumbled, but regained his balance and looked up to find Gerard and Mrs. Way with their backs to him, packing staples bags and art gear into the trunk.

“He hasn’t even texted.” moaned Gerard as Frank carefully approached behind them. He didn’t know whether Mrs. Way had noticed him, but he saw her smile to herself as she patted her son’s shoulder.

“Oh sweetheart, it’s getting late.” she said, laying the concern thick in her voice. Frank fought down a chuckle. “I don’t want you to be late, maybe Frankie can pick you up or something.”

“I know, mom, but he said he’d come…” Gee sounded more confused than anything else, glancing up and down the street.

Frank felt like there was lava in his stomach. He unclasped his hands and took a final breath before stepping forwards.

“Gee.” he said. When Gerard spun around the crease in his brow smoothed at once.

“Hi, baby. Wait- how did you-?” Gee’s smile dropped right back into a puzzled frown. “Frankie, where’s your car?” Mrs. Way was already melting into the background- winking behind Gee’s back at Frank before retreating up the driveway and into the house. Through the rushing of blood in his ears Frank could hear Mikey complaining about something and then the slam of the front door.

“I- Uh- I’ll explain in a minute, babe.” Frank said, kicking himself for his shaky voice.

“You okay, Frankie?” Gee said. “Mom can-“ Gerard turned around and blinked. “Mom?”

“I think she went to get something.” Frank rushed, because he was thirty second in and this was already fifty times messier than he’d imagined. He wiped a hand on the leg of his jeans and inched forwards. Gerard was nodding and turning back around, his adorable face relaxing as he smiled at Frank, and just like that he wasn’t nervous anymore. Gee’s hazel eyes were bright- nervous and maybe a little excited too- and they were a comfort. This was fucking Gerard they were talking about. Nothing to do with Gerard could ever be even remotely scary. Finally Frank’s calming breath had something of the desired effect.

“Gee,” he said again, returning Gerard’s smile and began to reach into his pocket, not breaking eye contact. Once his fingers closed around the box he stilled his hand.

“I just- uh- wanted to come to wish you all the luck in the world, beautiful-“ Frank started. Gee smiled wider and nodded his thanks. “And I also kind of had a question to ask you.” Frank said. Gerard cocked his head slightly, expectant. Frank wondered if he had any idea whatsoever what was coming…

“Gerard Arthur Way.” Frank said, grinning (still maybe a little nervously) and pulling his hand from his pocket, feeling the satin soft against his skin as he dropped onto one knee, asphalt cool through his ripped jeans. He couldn’t help but laugh a little as he watched Gerard’s eyes widening- his hands flying up to cover his mouth as comprehension washed over him.

“My gorgeous boy.” Frank knew that if he could see Gerard’s mouth right now it would be a perfect O. Whether or not this was a good thing he didn’t know yet, so he pushed on. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever had the good fortune to lay my eyes on. You are everything I want. You are so good to me, baby. I am hopelessly, incurably in love with you. And if it’s cool with you, It would be kind of rad to spend the rest of the time we have on the planet together, and whatever comes after that too. So- uh- there’s other stuff too obviously I-“

What Frank could see of Gerard’s face was a pale shade of pink.

“Like- I mean, you know why I love you… I just, uhm, feel like I’m ‘sposed to say it anyway so… I- uh- I kind of love the way you draw me sometimes, and when I come to look you hide it like I don’t fucking _know_ what you’re doing.” Frank laughed and ran his free hand over his hair, little black box resting under his fingers. Gerard’s eyes were darting towards it every now and again, but mainly he was staring silently at Frank with wide eyes. “And the way- oh! When we were at school sometimes you’d know I had a shit day or week or something and you’d leave candy bars on my front door. Fucking loser- you didn’t even call, just left it there cause you knew I’d find it when I came out to mow the lawn. I like how you listen. I love how I used to wake up next to you before we were together and sometimes you’d be holding my pyjamas or my hand or whatever. It made me feel so close to you, even before we knew what that meant. I love your smile when you think no one’s looking at you. I love your clothes, and how you’re, like, the only one who can calm me down. You give the _best_ head ever and it’s not important but… I don’t know… while we’re getting stuff out there I guess…”

Gerard giggled through his kind of pained expression. Frank forced himself to hold Gee’s gaze even though it was more than a little bit terrifying.

“And ‘cause I’m a selfish fucker…” he continued. “I like how I feel when you look at me. You look at me like I’m _something._ ” he said, softer. “You make me feel so loved, baby.” he said, tailing off to stare at the water pooling in Gerard’s eyes- dampening his eyelashes.

“You’re the best person I’ve ever known, and I want to show you how much I love you every day, the same way you always have for me. So… I guess I was wondering if maybe you’d want to get, like, married sometime?” Frank finished. His hands were shaking again as he opened the little box in front of him and Gee’s face crumpled, tears dripping down over his hands. Before Frank could get to his feet- or even think about it- Gee was down on the floor with him, ignoring the ring and flinging his arms around Frank’s neck.

Frank exhaled on a strained laugh- because suddenly he kind of wanted to cry himself even though that was stupid. He never got it when people cried out of happiness. Crying was shitty. It made your nose stuffy and your eyes red and it just reminded Frank of feeling like a trash can.

“You make everything worth it, princess, and I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve you.” he murmured into Gerard’s hair. And apparently he was a trash can, because his cheeks were a little wet as he watched Gerard disentangle himself and climb to his feet again. Frank stayed where he was… because a hug was nice… but it wasn’t the answer he’d been looking for…

“Baby?” he asked, forcing panic from his stomach as Gee was still quiet above him. He looked like he was gathering himself.

And then all at once he was nodding, hair flying everywhere as he broke into a fresh wave of tears which mixed with some kind of laugh, and as Frank got to his feet they were suddenly in each others’ arms again.

For once, Gerard didn’t have a single thing to say.

His eyes glistened, face stained with the eyeliner he’d probably spent a while putting on that morning, but the grin on his face was kind of heartbreakingly wide so Frank didn't feel too bad about it. Gee still managed to look beautiful, the fucker.

Gee hesitantly held his hand out in front of him, like he wasn’t sure if that was what he was meant to do. His breathing pitched while Frank pulled the ring from its little cushion. Gerard sucked in a sharp breath as Frank slid it onto his finger and he finally got a real look at what his engagement ring looked like.

“Oh my god.” he breathed, finally breaking his silence. Frank grinned at him as he stared at his fourth finger, mouth falling open slightly. Frank took another look too, because as much as it was going to cost to pay his loan back, the thing was beautiful.The band shone white in the morning sun, broken in the centre by a small black diamond, glittering starkly against the metal. “Baby, that can’t be-“

“Platinum.” Frank finished. Gerard brought his other hand up to his mouth again, his eyes pretty much popping from their sockets.

Lyndsey was going to be so smug when Frank told her about this. When they were choosing the ring he’d argued with her for close to half an hour over whether the gold band would be more Gerard… but now he saw the pale silvery ring on his boyfriend- his _motherfucking finance’s_ hand, he knew that they’d made the right choice.

“Frank no, that’s too expensive!” he gasped, but didn’t make any move to take it off. Frank smirked.

“Anything for my princess.” he mumbled, eyes fixed on Gerard’s eyes fixed on the tiny jewel nestled between his fingers.

“Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit how am I going to be able to go to school now?” Gerard whined, throwing his arms around Frank again, scrunching the material of his tee in his hands. Frank squeezed his eyes shut into Gee’s shoulder- smelling his shampoo and detergent and _him_ and honestly he felt a little overwhelmed, which was weird. He’d never seen the hype about proposals. Like, sure the videos on youtube were sometimes cute (though Frank would have _killed_ his partner if they ever proposed to him in public), but he didn’t see why they were so important. If you love someone that much, then surely by the time you want to marry them, you should both kinda know all that shit already. It’s just… making it official. For the longest time Frank had thought of marriage as nothing but legal bullshit, and in his opinion he was being generous when he upgraded his view at age fifteen to ‘somewhat cute human tradition’.

Now, though, today had changed things again. Or maybe it changed the day he decided he was going to do it- or when he saw Gee in that hospital bed, beaten and broken- he wasn’t going to wait until they were twenty-five like they talked about. Fuck waiting. People didn’t always have time to wait. There was no one else for Frank. This was it… but he’d known that before. So he was still a little puzzled that he was still jittering, and he felt _drained_ after having confirmed what he already knew. Maybe he was turning into a sentimental. The sentimental and the artist. That was cool with him.

“I love you.” Gerard squeaked against Frank, who was struggling to breathe in Gee’s grip, but couldn’t find it within himself to fucking care. About any of it. About the shortage of oxygen in his lungs; about the significance of marriage… He just knew he wanted it, and now Gerard wanted it too, and there really wasn’t much more left to think about.

“Love you, too, angel.” he said, dropping back just slightly, pressing his lips to Gerard’s cheek. “Kiss me.” he whispered. And Gerard did- right there in front of their neighbour’s houses- and it felt pretty fucking awesome.

This time when they broke apart the front door was open and there were two faces peeking around the frame. Gee caught Frank smiling over his shoulder and he spun around.

“Mom!” he practically shouted, holding his hand out and flapping it around. “Frankie fucking proposed to me, mom!” They both ignored Mikey making disgusted faces at Frank and his brother for making out in front of him.

“Gerard, please don’t curse in the front yard.” Mrs. Way hissed, making her way down the porch steps, but she couldn’t even pretend to be stern for more than a few seconds, because soon enough she was fussing over the ring along with Gerard.

Mikey followed her, but stood back a little. He nodded when Frank met his eyes. Frank smiled and returned his gaze to Gee’s beaming face as his mother pulled him down for another hug.

Mikey was next, grinning at his brother and mumbling something into his ear as he pulled him in. Simultaneously they turned to look at Frank, who jumped because that was _never not creepy_. Gee held an arm out to him, and Mrs. Way clutched her hands to her chest as Frank stepped forwards into a clumsy group hug.

“Alright, boys.” she said, clapping and stepping towards the car. “Gee’s got an induction to make.”

After another three rushed kisses and a _lot_ of pleas from Mikey, Frank and Gerard separated themselves. Mrs. Way kept throwing them knowing looks and fussing over Gerard’s ring, and over Frank’s poor bank account- and Mikey fussed over his poor _eyes_ after everything he’d witnessed that morning.

When the car door finally slammed shut, Frank could hear Gerard and Sandra bickering faintly because she thought Gee should maybe take his ring off for school, but there was ‘ _no fuckin’ way, mom_ ’ that it was ever going to happen. Gerard was scowling at her and reaching for tissues to clean his face while Sandra rolled her eyes and started to back out of the drive. Frank hugged an arm around his waist and grinned as he and Mikey waved them off down the street.

Frank stood there in the cool Jersey air for a couple more minutes, and he thought Mikey had gone back inside, so he was startled when there came a voice from behind him.

“I’m glad it was you.” 

Frank turned around to see Mikey’s back returning up the drive to the house, watching dumbly as his friend disappeared through the open door.

“Thanks, Mikes.” Frank muttered, voice lost in the sharp morning breeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Te l l me if this is okay?  
> ***  
> I am in a 6 hour rehearsal on a saturday end me :):)  
> ***  
> xo


	16. Feeling This

Frank’s new job wasn’t the worst job he’d ever had. The record shop wasn’t quite as ‘alternative’ as he might have liked, and maybe the customers weren’t as passionate about music as they could have been, but the pay was alright. They'd emailed him almost as soon as he dropped of his application, and they were really cool about working hours which was awesome, because Frank was considering picking up a second job. There was a coffee shop near his apartment he was looking at... 

“Hey, James.” Frank called as he locked up on Friday. “You around next week?"

"What, Frankie?" James called, appearing from behind a rack of CDs. Frank had only been working at the shop for a week, but he had never clicked with another person so fast in his life as he did with James Dewees. He was a couple of years older, was in about three bands, and he'd offered Frank straight vodka on his first day, within his first  _hour_ working there. Unsurprisingly, Frank was sold on the place from that moment onwards. Plus, James' girlfriend regularly wandered in to perch next to the register and she kept offering to do Frank's first tattoo. So by the end of the week, he was feeling pretty good about how shit was going. 

"Next week. Me and Gerard are having a... thing... alcohol, music, my apartment. There'll be like twenty people. Wanna come?"

"Fuck yeah, dude, sounds awesome. Can I bring Em?"

Em, the girlfriend. 

"Only if she brings her tattoo gun." They laughed while they locked up the shop, but Frank had a suspicion that she might actually bring it...

"Cool. Have fun tonight, man. See you Monday?" Dewees shouted behind him as he wandered off towards the subway. Frank smiled as he headed in the opposite direction to his bus stop. There was a bus pulling up as his phone beeped in his pocket.

_**Mikey’s ditching us 4 Liss- SO MEAN** _

_Tonight?_

**_Ya WTF?? it’s_ his _celebration dinner…?  
__he says rearrange next week?_**

_Rude. I'm totally inviting Lyn and Evan over instead.  
Fuckin engagement party’s next week does he not?? like?/ listen when we talk??_

**_Gd Idea!  
Probs not tbh. _ **  
_**We could do weekend after that**. _

_U have that gallery thing idiot_

**_O yeah_ **  
**_shit_ **  
**_Well we cld make it a joint thing.._ **  
**_Joint engagement and I-dont-have-cancer party?_ **

_Rad. Run it by him when he’s not sucking face?_

**_Yes Boss xx_ **

Frank smiled and went to pocket his phone as he sat down, but it buzzed again.

_**Baby** _

_yeah princess_

**_Come home._ **

_Omw now. Ur house?_

**_Our house._ **

_Wait..?_

**_Mom may or may not have helped me move in today_ **

_Fuck you’re serious??  
I _ _thought you were waiting another week! Fuck yes angel.  
_ _Can’t wait to do obscene things to you right on the living room floor xoxo_

**_splinters._ **

_We’ll get a rug motherfucker._

**_I have blankets. Hurry xx_ **

***

“Good to see you again, Gee.” Lyndsey said, stepping into the apartment with Evan on her heels. Frank bit his lip when she went right in for a hug, but Gerard accepted it willingly enough. He breathed a sigh of relief and watched Gee smile warily at Even’s outstretched hand before taking it. ‘Freak’ Frank thought to himself, slipping his arm around Gerard’s waist. “Can’t believe we’ve gone this long without seeing you- the way Frank goes on i’m surprised he doesn’t drag you around everywhere.” Lyndsey said. Gee blushed and looked at the ground. Frank petted Gee’s waist where his hand rested.

"Seriously.” Lyndsey said, raising her eyebrows. “He talks about you all the time.”

“Oh God.” Gerard said, laughing nervously.

“All good things.” Lyndsey grinned, looking between Frank, who’d buried his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder, and the taller boy’s flushed face.

“I for one was pretty sure he made you up.” Evan added, pushing his glasses up. Gerard giggled at this and after a semi-awkward pause, flapped his hands and invited everyone in to sit down.

"Sorry it's a mess..." Frank said, waving his hand at the boxes littering the living room floor. "Gee just moved in today."

Frank stuck to Gerard’s side when they all crammed around the tiny kitchen table. He didn’t remember the last time Gee had been required to entertain company who weren’t directly related to him... or were Frank, Ray or Bob. With Gerard, it was a feat enough when _that_ happened. He didn’t seem uncomfortable, though. Quiet, sure, but content. Frank relaxed a little in his seat. Gee even made college-based conversation with Evan, who was making a good show of being interested in Gee's art course. Frank smiled, and after a little while he felt confident enough that he could get up without leaving a painfully awkward silence in his wake. 

He was searching around in the bedroom for a pack of cards when he heard Lyndsey squealing next door.

“Oh my god, It looks even more fucking beautiful than it did in the box. Fuck.” she said. There were some more inaudible words from through the door, and then another little squeak. Frank found the cards- in Gerard’s nightstand for some reason- and returned to the kitchen. He hesitated in the bedroom doorway. Gerard’s hand was stretched out over the table, clutched between Lyndsey’s. Evan was peering politely over Lyndsey’s arms too.

Frank entered the room slowly, glimpsing his boyfriend’s face. Gerard was smiling shyly, like he was really fucking happy, but he was scared that someone might try to take it away from him if he showed it too much. He giggled as Lyndsey gushed over the black diamond, bitching that she would never be able to find anything as rad for Jamia.

“Sure you will.” Gee said softly as she released his hand at last. He settled it in his lap. He looked so cute Frank had to fight off his urge to grab his hand and never let go, instead he moved into the room and sat back down. Gee blinked at him and smiled sweetly, turning back to Lynds as Frank shuffled the cards with _purpose_. Gerard wasn’t finished.

“I mean, this is gorgeous, but it could be made of aluminum foil for all I care, like… Frankie gave it to me, so… Jamia will love whatever ring you get her- If and when.”

Frank swallowed down the urge to drag Gerard to the bedroom by his collar, or just mount him right there at the kitchen table. He bit his lip. He couldn’t resist taking his hand now though, so he did, resting their interlinked fingers on Gerard’s thigh.

“Fuck, baby, you should have said you wanted an aluminum ring.” Frank huffed with exaggerated sarcasm. “I’ll go switch it today, pay back my loan and-“

“No, no.” Gerard said quickly, pulling their joined hands onto the table and gazing at the black and silver glinting on his finger, between Frank’s. Evan laughed and Lyndsey joined him when she looked over at Gee’s expression. “Might as well keep it now, huh?” he said, grinning cheekily at his fiancé, who rolled his eyes and kissed him briefly. He kept it chaste, obviously, but Lyndsey still lost her shit.

“You two are the actual fucking cutest.” she said. “Probably my favourite couple out of everyone I know. Aren’t they so cute, Evan?” she sighed, resting her chin on her palm.

“Adorable.” Evan confirmed. Gerard was flushing again, but he didn’t dip his head like Frank expected. He just smiled, turned, and caught Frank’s lips in another kiss. Still short, but a little less innocent than the first. Frank was convinced that Gee was on a mission to actually kill him dead.

“Shots for forfeits?” he said hurriedly when they broke apart, not yet able to tear his eyes off Gerard’s. A look darted over Gee’s face which raised goosebumps on Frank’s arms. He barely noticed Lyndsey clap her hands and jump up to search for booze, or Evan shift as Gee and Frank had maybe been looking at each other for a touch too long. The minute raise in Gerard’s eyebrow was a silent promise which made Frank’s breath hitch. And just like that Gerard had turned away, leaving Frank staring at his profile.

“Spoons or Ring of Fire?” Gee asked mildly, like the total asshole that he was.

***

They saw Evan and Lyndsey out after midnight with their arms clumsily around each other, waving and shouting after the taxi while it pulled away. They made their way back up the stairs sluggishly, pausing every few steps to burst out laughing or stumble on the ratty carpet. Frank drunkenly hushed Gerard in a rather counter productive manner, by shouting at him to shut up. Gee giggled through his fingers the rest of the way upstairs.

They made out sloppily in the middle of Frank’s living room before falling over each other into the bedroom.

"God, baby- Driving me fucking crazy tonight." Frank mumbled, struggling with Gerard's shirt. They both ended up tangled as they battled various items of clothing off. Eventually Frank was pressed up against Gerard- skin to skin- and he got a little stuck for a moment when his hands skated down, settling on Gee's hips. He drew in a breath as he squeezed the chub there, making his boyfriend squirm.

"Hey quit it." Gerard mumbled, clumsily batting at Frank, but his heart wasn't in it. 

"God you feel so good." Frank whispered, ignoring him. He moved his hands around to Gerard's ass and pulled him closer. Gee whined and shook his head, hair flying over his eyes. 

"What?" Frank breathed, dropping kisses over Gerard's jaw and moving swiftly to suck purple marks onto his neck, his hands still roaming Gee's lower body, sliding up his back. He couldn't stop moving his fingers agains the soft give of his skin. "What's the matter?" he asked dazedly, completely confused how Gerard could possibly be protesting right now.

Gee sat up, forcing Frank's hands to rest at his sides, where he continued to squeeze his fingers. Gee squirmed some more and crossed his arms over his stomach. 

"Baby, what're you doing?" slurred Frank, blinking up at Gee, who made a small noise and then shifted again, sliding down the bed until he was doubled over, face inches from Frank's crotch. "Beautiful, I- oh-" Gee's mouth was warm and wet around his cock and it was hard enough to concentrate without this added distraction. He didn't close his eyes though, staring down his body to watch Gerard's closed eyes and taut mouth working over him. 

"Fuck." Frank breathed throwing his head back. He was beginning to get close when something in his brain started flashing at him. He threw his hand down into Gerard's hair and pulled a little- though this was counter productive. Gee just moaned around him, sending a sharp vibration up Frank's spine. 

"No, baby. Stop- Stop gorgeous." Frank panted, sitting himself up and patting his hands over Gerard's face. He pulled off slowly and blinked at Frank, who started scrabbling at his shoulders, pulling him up. Gerard mumbled something but complied, letting Frank pull him back up and into a slow kiss. Their tongues moved lazily, slowed by the poisons in their bloodstream, but it was so good for Frank. He felt like his nerve endings were burning. When he pulled himself back, Gerard shifted off him and onto the bed at the side, moving to pull Frank on top of him, but Frank didn't go. He knelt up, running his eyes over everything he could now see with Gee spread out underneath him. The soft white skin everywhere, black hair trailing down from his navel, breaking up the creamy expanse of his stomach- and then suddenly there were arms obscuring his view. Frank frowned and let his eyes travel sluggishly back to his boyfriend's face. 

"What the fuck?" he said, dropping onto his hands and knees and manoeuvring himself into Gee's lap, who just looked up at him, brows knitted silently. Frank tried to pry Gerard's arms away, but he didn't budge- they remained folded against his stomach. 

"Oh." Frank said, his slow brain clicking into gear. "Oh, this." he sat up, assessing for a moment as he took in everything underneath him. "No, angel." he murmured, gently moving his hands down to Gerard's hips and slowly rubbing them up his sides until they met with Gee's firmly crossed arms.

"Frankie can't I just blow you and-"

"No, baby." he cut him off gently. "No, I don't think so." 

He didn't try to move Gee's arms again, instead he got up onto his knees and shuffled backwards until he was kneeling over Gerard's knees. He felt a little dizzy when he splayed his fingers over Gerard's thighs. They were white in the light falling from the window, pale against Frank's duvet. Without another word he hopped off Gee's legs, lifting them from underneath the knee and sliding down underneath them until they were resting over his shoulders. 

"Babe, you really-"

"Shh." he pressed his lips to the crease of his thigh and then moved down slowly, until his face was pressed right in Gerard's ass.  He felt Gee's body shudder as soon as his tongue pressed down into him. Gee was never loud, exactly, but the little noises he was making as Frank pushed his tongue in and out of him were enough to get him right to the edge without so much as a touch. He moved in strokes, listening to the increased pitch in Gee's voice when he moaned- feeling the noises hit in his gut. His dick pulsed and he had to stop. He heard a sigh escape his fiancé's lips as he pulled back. He pressed open mouthed kisses to the inside of Gerard's legs, shifting them off his shoulders and onto the bed- where they dropped limply. He ran a hand up his thigh, flicking his gaze over and smirking when he saw Gerard's head thrown back agains the pillow, sheet crumpled in his fist. One arm was still thrown over his pale stomach, but even that hand was fisted tightly against his side.

"That's it, princess. Can you keep your hips still for me?" he said, waiting for Gee's nod until he shifted again. He kept his hands on Gerard's thighs as he went back down, this time taking Gee's cock into his mouth bit at a time. He hollowed his cheeks as he moved down. The feel of Gee's muscles tensing underneath his fingers forced his breath out harder through his nose. He swirled his tongue as he went down all the way, Gee beginning to move minutely above him. He stilled his movements until he felt Gerard force himself to stop, shaking a little with the effort.

Meanwhile Frank was going out of his mind feeling Gee's thighs either side of him, walling him in, feet pressed hard down into the mattress. He let Gerard slip out of his mouth long enough to whisper "good boy" against the spit-slick skin. He took him back in against at once and relaxed enough to take him right into the back of his throat. Gee's keening noise was well worth the sharp burn in his jaw. When he felt Gee's thighs really start to shake he pulled off with a wet noise, fixing his dark eyes on Gerard's as he moved back up his body. 

"Now, baby." he said breathlessly, dropping onto his hands, either side of Gerard's face, where he captured him in a long kiss. "If that didn't teach you that you look -  _quite literally -_  good enough to eat... then I-uh-" Frank rocked down into Gerard, watching Gee's pretty red lips fall open and his eyes flutter closed for a second before they were focussed on him again, wide and dark. "Then I think there's really only one more thing we can do..." 

Gee was breathing hard, his eyes following Frank as he moved to the nightstand- stumbling a little- then returned, chucking his stuff onto the bed and laying down, hands on his stomach expectantly. Gee blinked over at him. 

"Wha-?" he whispered, sounding wrung out already. Frank smiled at him and got up again, picking up the bottle surreptitiously and distracting Gerard buy leaning forwards to bite at his lower lip. He could feel Gee become pliant under him as Frank's lip ring clicked against his teeth, so Gee's eyes eyebrows shot up when he felt Frank's cool hand grip his cock and slide down twice. 

"Was that-?" 

"I want you," Frank whispered harshly against the side of Gerard's face, sliding his tongue right down over his throat. "to get up if you can." he murmured, leaving a flustered Gerard in his wake as he was up again, moving across the mattress until he was against the wall, resting his head on his forearm, then casting a glance back at Gerard, who was now kneeling behind him, arm over his belly and other hand resting at the base of his dick. 

"Come on, princess. Want to feel all of you, come on." he said, gesturing with his other hand as Gee slowly did as he was told. He moved up behind Frank, pressing his slicked fingers over Frank's ass. 

"'m good from earlier. Come on, baby. You're so good at this I just want-" he gasped as Gerard pressed his cock up against his ass. He could feel the jump of his pulse and Frank was pretty sure he was about to short out. Maybe the wall thing wasn't such a good idea, because there was no way he was going to be able to support himself that much longer. He moaned long and loud as Gee started to push into him. A flurry of images flickered in his head from being fucked hard over the kitchen counter earlier that afternoon, and then again on the living room floor just like he'd promised- Orange blanket thrown carelessly beneath them...

"Come. Here." Frank gritted out, reaching behind him to pull Gerard's arm. Gee almost lost his balance, falling forwards into Frank, but this was the opposite of an issue. Frank ignored his little whine, and wouldn't let him move back again. Instead he held onto his hand, leaning their intertwined fingers against the wall and letting the warmth of Gerard's body surround him. The slide of sweat between them was perfect, and he wanted to get a hand on his dick but he couldn't lose this position now. 

"That's right my angel- Holy fuck I can- all over me baby. Love feeling all of you when you're like this. Fuck- oh- I wish I could see you. Want to watch your face- see your fucking-" Gerard groaned and thrusted harder into Frank, the slap of skin filling the small bedroom, and Frank could feel himself tipping dangerously close again- but he wasn't done with Gerard yet. 

In a blur of limbs he spun them around, wincing a little as Gerard was forced to pull out. Gee squeaked when Frank was suddenly facing him. His features were in shadow but Frank knew that he'd see the fussed red circles on his cheeks, the spaced look in his eyes, if he could see him in the light. Before Gerard could react Frank had slid himself between his slightly-open thighs and lay underneath him. Gee's blissed look slipped a little and he squirmed away, but Frank grabbed his hands and for a few moments there was nothing more than the sound of their breathing. 

"Don't." Frank whispered. "I want you on top of me." and with a heavy look from under his eyelashes, he spoke slowly. "Do you think you can do that for me?" An unintentional noise slipped from the back of Gerard's throat, and he hung his head and nodded. "Come on then." Frank said gently, eyes fixed on Gerard's stomach- and the shiver in his thighs as he lowered himself down onto Frank, wincing as he sank onto his cock. Once Gee was ready he stilled and finally raised his eyes. Frank lifted a hand and ran his knuckle over Gerard's cheeks. 

"Pretty baby." he whispered. Gee dropped his eyes and without any more warning started to move. Frank's mouth fell open and he dropped his head back. When he managed to open his eyes again he saw Gerard looking pointedly at the wall, arms back around his middle. Frank bit down on his lip, gasping against the pleasure rushing through him, and he reached forwards.

"Stop." he said firmly, tightening his hand around Gee's wrist and pulling it away. Gerard's eyes clouded and he almost stopped moving, but Frank shifted his hips and he knew he'd hit Gerard's prostate when he earned a sharp moan, eyes slipping closed. Finally Gee let Frank tug both of his arms away from his stomach, placing them instead on Frank's chest. It was a pretty good sight. He kept his eyes open after that, alternating between watching his Gee's wet mouth opening and closing with silent moans, and staring at the curve of his hips, his thighs, the bounce of his cock as he fucked himself down onto Frank. He couldn't keep his hands still. First they were on his hips, just holding him as he moved, but then he moved them up to his waist, thumbs digging into the skin there. If it was physically possible, he knew he would still be getting harder thinking about it. He moaned loudly and closed his eyes. Gee kept tightening erratically around him, his movements becoming uneven- and the visual was becoming too much on top of it all. 

"God, princess, you're so good. So fucking tight- fuck- Look at you. Above me like that you look like- baby you look like... like porn, fuck. Look so good. You make me feel- fuck that's amazing, baby. Don't stop, babe. I'm so fucking close princess, doing so good. So fucking good-" Gee fucked himself right down one last time, the coil in Frank's abdomen burnt red hot and he could feel the tight build tingling all over him, his mouth dropped open as he came deep inside Gerard, pulsing hard as Gee kept moving through it.

"Gerard. Oh, god fucking- yeah that's it baby, keep going. Come on. I want to see you come. Want it all over me, come on. Do it, princess." he breathed, watching Gerard's hand finally fall down to his cock, jacking himself fast and messy, small breaths quickening until he shouted Frank's name, falling forwards onto his free hand while his come spurted over Frank's chest and stomach. Frank reached down, pulling himself out. Gee whined, dropping down on top of him, their dicks squished together between them. They both hissed and then laughed at each other as the pinpricks of oversensitivity shot through them.  

"God you're the best ever." breathed Frank, pushing his hand over Gerard and just letting it rest were it fell- somewhere under his collarbone. They lay side by side, legs still thrown over each other as their breathing returned to normal. 

"What can I say." mumbled Gee into his pillow, where his face was now planted. Frank giggled tiredly and rolled over, running his fingers through Gerard's damp hair. 

"You're beautiful." Frank murmured. Gee snorted and didn't look up. "You are." Frank sighed, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling- their ceiling. Gee didn't reply, just snuffled in his pillow. Frank thought he might be passing out, but it didn't matter. Maybe he hadn't sobered up as much as he thought he had, because he just kept talking. "I swear to god I was half hard the whole of this evening, you kept looking at me like- just ugh. Sometimes I see you and you're wearing those fucking skinny jeans and it just.. I don't know how you can't see it, baby." he murmured. "I'm gonna keep showing you 'til you get it. Never gonna stop wanting to get my hands on you. Like, I've been attracted to people before, but I've never met anyone who's had me running into public fucking bathrooms just from thinking about them." Frank shook his head slowly. "Never seen anyone who takes me apart like you do."

When he finally turned his head, Gee was peeking up at him, most of his face squashed into the pillow; all but his eyes. There was a soft look on his face that Frank didn't get to see very often, and it made his heart skip. 

"If I could fuck you again right now, I would." was all Gerard ended up saying, dissolving into giggles as Frank straddled him and attached their mouths, licking into each other desperately. Gerard made a noise and they broke apart. 

"Mph.. I think my dick might break." he said, wincing. Frank laughed and pecked his mouth sloppily, then his forehead, before rolling off onto his side of the bed. 

"Yeah, me too. M'tired."

"Me too." 

"Can't believe we live here." Gee whispered after a few minutes. Frank opened his eyes and nodded, smile creeping onto his face. 

"Lynds was right though." he said. 

"'Bout what."

"We're totally going to get noise complaints." Gerard groaned and buried himself under the blanket. 

"Oh my god you are so going to have to deal with that conversation." he said. Frank laughed again. 

"Uhm... and why would that be?"

"You're making all the noise!"

"Well you're making me make the noise." 

"Frank."

"What? I'm never loud by myself so... I think you can definitely be held accountable."

Gerard mumbled something which sounded a lot like 'fuck you.' 

"Love you too, princess." he said sitting up and wincing at the dull ache already throbbing through the bass of his spine. 

"Where're you going?"

"Shower." Frank yawned, forcing himself up off the bed. 

"'kay, night." Gee mumbled. 

"You're not gonna wash?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow as he crossed the room to the door. Gee was shaking his head and curling up underneath the covers when he turned back. "Okay beautiful." he mumbled. "I'll bring you back a towel."

He did. Even though he knew Gee would be fast asleep by the time he got back, and he was. 

He pushed the door open quietly and snuck back over to the mattress by the cool light spilling in from the window. He sat in his spot, watching condensation begin to roll down the window panes. He exhaled and stretched, running a hand through his wet hair before turning to Gerard. He ran his eyes over the exposed curve of his spine, then gently ran the towel over his skin. Gerard didn't stir, his soft breathing caught in the sound of Frank humming something under his breath. When he'd ran the cloth over everything he could reach, he shuffled down next to Gerard, pressing against him as close as he could and throwing an arm over his waist. Maybe it was kind of gross that he could still smell sweat and come all over him, but he didn't hate it. It was mixed in with Gerard's cologne and the leftover tang of smoke in his hair and it was home. 

Frank slept not long after that, to the feel of Gerard's pulse against his stomach, and their breathing out of time in the quiet of their shared bedroom. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me.  
> ***  
> Also if bits don't make sense I wrote this all super fast and haven't checked so I will go back over it before tomorrow but might not have done soon after posting.  
> ***  
> hope you're all alright xo


	17. Let's Go Home (And Draw The Curtains)

“I’m gonna go to Lyndsey’s girlfriend’s later if you wanna come?”

“Jamia?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you guys gonna do?”

“Not a lot. Gonna take pansy over. Evan plays guitar too so… he said maybe we could jam or whatever.” Frank couldn’t keep the excitement off his face, and he was pretty sure Gee noticed with the knowing look he cast him. Then he smiled and, leaning forward, Gee caught Frank’s lips in a soft kiss, hand brushing his cheek just before he moved away.

“No, you go, babe.” he said, smiling sweetly. “I got some research to do.”

“Ugh, already?” Frank said in disgust, pecking Gerard’s lips again. “Poor baby.”

“It’s okay.” Gee said. “It’s not too bad.”

“You sure you don’t want me to stay. I can help or whatever?” Frank said, and he was being totally serious, so he mock-scowled when Gerard giggled at him. Frank folded his arms.

“Something funny, princess?” he asked, eyebrow raised. Gerard laughed again, pushing at Frank’s face.

“Because you’re quite the fine artist. Really your kind of thing, baby-” he chuckled. Frank put a hand on his chest, feigning offence.

“I offer to give up my precious social life to help my fiancé further his education and this is the thanks I get.”

Gerard snorted.

“Bit keen, baby.” he said, sniggering when Frank gasped.

“Bitch.” he said, kicking at Gerard’s legs and scrambling off the bed when Gee tried to grab his feet. They both burst into laughter when Frank stumbled into a heap on the floor- still half kicking at Gerard when he followed him down.

“See how fucking keen I am next time you booty call me, asshole.” Frank said, wriggling away from Gerd standing, arms in front of him karate-style by the window. Gerard laughed and copied him.

“Frank we’ve been together for almost a year. I don’t think fucking you counts as a booty call anymore.” He laughed, watching Frank swiping at the air. “What? You gonna fight me over it?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Frank narrowed his eyes and then dropped his hands down.

“Nah.” he brushed past Gee and sat cross legged on the bed, converse leaving dusty trails over the black bedspread. “It wouldn’t be fair to crush someone so inferior-“ Gerard jumped on him- healing bruises be damned, tackling him onto his back on the bed. He kissed both cheeks and Frank scrunched his nose up when Gerard literally licked the side of his face.

“Ew.”

“You’ve had worse.”

“Still ew.” Frank muttered, force dying in his voice as Gee drew back enough that Frank could look into his eyes without everything going all fuzzy.

“You know what I just realised?” he asked, gaze flickering between Gerard’s eyes and the glisten of his red lips in the dim light. Gee shook his head minutely, fingers stroking circles on Frank’s waist. “I’m not scared anymore.” Frank said simply, pulling Gerard back with him on the bed.

“Scared?”

“Yeah. I didn’t get it until it stopped, but i’d been scared for… I forgot what it felt like to be-“ he shook his head and cut himself off, nipping at Gerard’s bottom lip before pulling him in for a long kiss, and as he slipped his tongue into his mouth the desperation came from the shiver over Frank’s skin- not from the fear that this could be snatched away any minute. He let Gerard kiss down his neck for a moment before Frank hooked his hand under Gee’s jaw and pulled to face him. Warm patches of heat radiated from Gerard’s hands- resting softly over his tee. His body covered Frank, pressing him into the mattress in a way which he’d grown so accustomed to it felt like home. Gerard’s stomach was soft against his own, giving in places Frank’s didn’t. He ran a hand down Gerard’s back, squeezing at his hip and making him squeal right into Frank’s mouth. He couldn’t help but laugh a little, messing up their rhythm. Gerard just smiled as they broke apart and gazed at Frank.

“To be…?” Gee finally prompted, rolling to the side, dropping his head onto the pillow. Frank pecked Gerard’s lips twice and hopped out of bed before Gee could stop him.

“To be what?” Gerard called after him. Frank smiled to himself as he closed the bathroom door.

***

“It’s a good fucking thing you have no friends, ‘cause it’s gonna be crowded in here as it is.” Mikey said, kicking his legs out on the couch and watching Mrs. Way carry the last box up the step ladder, through the open front door.

”Mikey.” scolded Mrs. Way, casting a look in his direction which said _be nice to your brother and his fiancé they are poor_. Maybe Frank imagined that last part, but it was definitely a chastising look regardless.

“We have the same friends.” mumbled Gerard, appearing from the bedroom with two empty boxes in his arms. Frank hopped up from his place at the kitchen table and took them from him, dumping them with the pile of moving-in-trash by the door which was almost the width of the room.

“There _are_ literally going to be like ten of us though.” sighed Frank, flopping back into his chair and looking around the now-properly-furnished living room. The main difference was the bursts of colour Gerard had brought with him. Posters and DVDs which Frank would never have been allowed at home covered the far wall and littered the shelves underneath the TV.

Mrs. Way had brought them a kettle from their house, along with other unnamed kitchen utensils which Frank would never have even thought of. Gee’s easel was folded up under the couch, and his blank canvases leant under the window. In the bedroom Frank knew Gee had spent the last half hour filing comics into the book case Frank bought earlier that week.

He smiled when Sandra sat down opposite him.

“Well, no matter how many are coming, you boys are officially ready for guests.” she said brightly. Frank could almost hear Mikey rolling his eyes.

“Guests’, he muttered. “It’s fucking Bob and Toro.”

“Mikes,” Gee said, ignoring his comments. “What time’s Alicia getting in?” Mikey checked his watch.

“I’m picking her up from the train station in like twenty minutes.”

Sandra pursed her lips, and Frank watched her carefully, but she didn’t say anything, just looked down into her cooling cup of coffee.

Strange that he and Gerard had got this far since they started dating, and Mikey and Alicia still hadn’t gained the approval of Mikey’s mother. Frank still couldn’t see anything wrong with Liss. Okay sure she was a little more gothic looking than Frank was, and maybe Sandra didn’t know her that well… but she was good for Mikey. They fought sometimes, but who didn’t. Frank hoped that they would get past it, both for the sake of Mrs. Way and his best friend.

“Alright-“ Frank clapped his hands to break the uncomfortable silence. “Who wants to make the illegal booze run?”

***

There was a party going on across the street too- a real one- and Bob laughed into his beer as he peered through Frank’s bedroom door and out of the window.

“We should go crash their shit. They have music at least.” Bob crowed pointing lazily, and addressing everyone in the living room over his shoulder. Ray, on his way back from the fridge, nudged Bob and scowled at him.

“Don’t be an ass.” he whispered, returning to his seat next to Mikey, whose arms were tangled around Alicia like he was never going to let her go. Thankfully it wasn’t late enough in the night for the drunk making out to start. Frank could still feel Gerard pointedly averting his gaze, though. He smirked and pressed up against his side, taking a sip of his beer.

Lyndsey had brought her girlfriend, and was currently perched in her lap, animatedly telling James the story of how they met. Jamia was resting her face on her girlfriend’s back, like she was hiding it, but Frank could see the smile from under her hair. Dewees burst out laughing at whatever Lyndsey was saying, almost spilling beer all over the rug Mrs. Way had bought them as a housewarming gift. Gerard grimaced next to Frank, clearly watching too, but Frank ran a calming hand along his arm and threw him a quick smile, because it doesn’t fucking matter.

An hour or so later, Frank was stumbling back from the bathroom when he heard Gerard’s nasal voice raised above everyone else’s.

“Oh! Here he is.” Said Gee, catching sight of Frank and making grabby hands at him to sit back down. Once nestled back against Gerard’s side, he continued talking. “So I just wanted to say thank you guys, ‘cause it’s really awesome to have old and new friends here. Uhm… My baby brother just fucking beat cancer, so-“ Dewees cheered, and a second later everyone joined in. Alicia pressed a kiss to his cheek and tightened her arm around his neck. He smiled at her and nodded once at everyone in the room, grinning when Ray patted his shoulder.

“And- uh- me and Frankie are getting married one day, so, I guess… I also wanted to say thanks for coming, guys. Here’s to… whatever comes next.” he giggled and raised his bottle unsteadily. “Cheers, I guess.” he tailed off, and maybe it wasn’t the most stirring speech they’d ever heard, but everyone cheered again and Frank planted a kiss right on Gee’s lips because he was blushing like the loser he was and Frank loved him and loved him and loved him…

Not long after they’d toasted Mikey on his recovery, someone found the Jägar and half a bottle of Vodka and the small room suddenly felt a lot smaller. The voices were louder, and no matter how much Bob complained, they couldn’t get the fucking speakers to work. The best bet they had for music was someone’s iPhone. Frank was pretty sure something was playing, but it might have just been the party across the street. The room was too loud to tell. Frank was just finishing the tail end of a conversation with Evan- who’d showed up late- about guitar models, when Frank felt a hand fist in his tee.

“Hey, baby.” Frank said, as he was unceremoniously dragged across the living room. He winced and tripped over his feet as Gee kicked a door open behind him and then, all at once they were standing by the bedroom window. Frank blinked as Gerard was suddenly right in front of him and his drink was being removed from his hand. It sloshed in the glass as Gerard set it down on the floor.

“It’s loud in there.” Gee said quietly, nodding towards the open bedroom door. Frank blinked again, probably doing a good impression of Gerard’s confused-owl face. Gee just smiled at him and petted lazily at his cheek. “Okay?” he mumbled. Frank nodded. Cause.. he didn’t really know what just happened but _yeah_ okay.

Then Gee was turning to the window. Frank frowned at him for a second, because his brain was feeling a little sludgy, but they were like four floors up and there was no way Gee was going to try and _climb_ out of there … was he?

“Got any smokes?” Gee asked. Oh.

“Oh.” Frank said, laughing to himself. “Yeah, gorgeous, here.”

They both ended up on the dusty floor, letting cool wind paint goosebumps up and down their arms as they smoked. They were quiet for a while. Broken sounds of music drifted in from the window, mixing with Dewee’s bellowing laughter, and Lyndsey’s voice from the next room.

Gee’s eyes dropped closed as they sat, side by side, faces lit by the faint orange glow of a streetlamp in the alley below. Frank dropped his filter onto some music score which was scattered on the floor next to them, breathing a final puff of smoke out of the window, he watched the guests spill out into the back yard of the house across the street.

There was a pause, and then new chords rang out, audible above the increasingly rowdy party below them. Gee and Frank watched quietly as guests spilled out into the tiny back yard. Something was going on which might have been dancing, but could also have been a fist fight. The notes kept tapping at Frank’s ears until his brow furrowed. The melody struck somewhere in the back of his mind, setting off a line of mental dominos as he strained to place the song. It clicked, and as soon as it did, he saw Gerard’s eyes snap open, too. They looked at each other for a long moment as Beast of Burden drifted up from the yard below.

Frank stumbled to his feet without thinking, reaching his hands out in front of him. Gee took the hint and let Frank help him to his feet, then wrap his arms around Gerard’s neck.

“That dance we never had.” he murmured. Gee smiled, a little sadly and rested his free hand on Frank’s waist. The music played and at some point Gee’s eyes slipped closed.

“I remember the day I fell in love with you.” he blurted, eyes fluttering open as if surprised at himself by the admission. Frank raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm?” he said. Gerard nodded slowly.

“Yeah. We were in English and you were late, and you were wearing that tee which was too small for you- Misf-“

“Misfits black tee. I had a black eye.” Frank finished, smiling gently. Gee nodded again and looked off out of the window, cigarette dangling from his fingers at Frank’s waist.

“Yeah. You sat behind me and when I asked you how you got it you told me it was… what’s his name… Sasha’s asshole boyfriend…”

“Douglas.” said Frank, staring steadily at Gerard’s eyes, even though they were focussed somewhere far off.

“Douglas.” he nodded. “And you didn’t say anything about what happened or why, but I knew it was because he’d taken a swing at me like two weeks before that. Didn't even really hurt but it left a bruise and... you wouldn’t leave it alone. Talked about it non-stop then you showed up all beaten up and your hair was-“ Gee shook his head. “And I knew then. It was like a fucking freight train. Totally fucked. I’ve been fucked ever since.” Gee said, turning his gaze back to Frank who blinked and nodded, processing. “Do you know.. like, with me?” Gee asked quietly. “Do you remember when?” Frank dropped a hand, picking the cigarette out of Gee’s and taking a long drag- almost burning int out to the filter.

“Nah. I fell in love with you slow. Like molasses slow.” he mumbled, blowing smoke out into the cold air and handing the final drag back to Gerard. “but when it hit me I knew.”

Frank couldn’t figure the look on Gerard’s face. It was somewhere between thoughtful and pure daydream. Frank resisted the urge to click a finger in front of him.

“We did pretty good, you know.” he said distantly, after a while. Frank’s lips pulled up in a half smile and he nodded, not taking his eyes of Gerard’s.

“Yeah, princess. Really good.”

When he kissed him to the distant chorus of a Stones song, it was different now than that first time on Frank’s porch. He smiled into it and Gerard hummed against him. It would be a year in November, and that though fucked with Frank a little. As they’d sat on that step twelve months ago, or hurriedly got each other off in the highschool bathrooms in the following weeks- he was focussed on the rush where their skin touched and half getting off on the fact that neither of them hand any idea what they were starting. It felt dangerous and totally electric. All this weird shit was in front of them and going on around them and Frank remembered _so well_ how hard he’d been trying not to care. Because all he could see was Gerard, and to a certain extent maybe that’s still true.

Frank closed his eyes and pulled Gee a little closer. Their bodies were flush. Safe and slow and _different_ because now he’s sure. Because the rush has settled to a warm buzz, and he didn’t need the risk anymore. Because what they had was no longer just some mantra he had to repeat, or a goal to reach for. It’s them. Standing together in the flat they share and in the flat are the friend’s they’ve made and his head is spinning because a year ago Frank wasn’t even sure he would be around for another six months.

He dropped his head onto Gee’s shoulder, feeling arms come up to hold him there.

He felt a little fuzzy, but present; aware of every move Gerard’s hand made when it drifted back to the hem of his tee. Aware of strands of hair tickling his face when Gee brought their foreheads together and Frank waited a second before closing the distance to kiss him again.

And he kept kissing him. Because he could, and because they were mostly sober, and because the door was open but it didn’t matter if anyone was watching.

“Love you, baby.” he said, lips against Gerard’s cheek. He felt the cool press of Gee’s ring where his hand rested, just under Frank’s tee. His skin prickled with the touch and he closed his eyes.

“Love you, too.” came the soft reply, and Frank smiled, because, after everything that had happened, hearing those words always felt the same.

-End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think in painful detail?  
> ***  
> SENTIMENTALITY WOO  
> ***  
> This is the longest piece of writing I have ever made, it's also the longest thing I have ever actually completed so...  
> again, I just wanted to be a total loser and thank everyone who commented because it kept me writing this.  
> If you read this- if you liked it- if you didn't- if you sort of thought ehhh but carried on anyway...
> 
> I love you I love you  
> ***  
> I hope you're all doing good & keep doing good. 
> 
> MoOn xoxo


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